The following is my experience, my opinion, my truth. I hope that it helps to seed the awakening from the Yelm myth. I use my name in hopes that because you knew me, you will read it and contemplate on what I have to say. I know that many current students do read this board. I did probably once a year as I thought it was healthy to consider all sides to a subject. I feel compassion to those still stuck in the web and offer this testimony as a ray to help you burn your shackles free and clear.
I was just 19 years old when I went to my first weekend and naïve enough to believe that this material was original and being delivered from a pure heart and unadulterated state of mind. I fell right into believing and incorporated it deeply. I really believed that I was happily pursuing the quest that boring old life had forgotten about, that religion had tried to squelch, that only a few were able to march on. What I could not see, is that in the shiny pictures fed to me, underneath it all was a rather ominous, deceitful chain that bound my feet to fear, fed me cigarettes of diversion, and prepared me for a long life of enslavement to a consciously manufactured system. Diverting all my attention elsewhere, this system distracted me from perceiving the obvious machine that it was. Feeding my brain was the barrage of propaganda to be special, which created a detachment so the corporate machine could hook itself up to get me dependent on its formula.
What led me to doing what Albert Stubblebine III had so brazenly staged and attempted to tell us to do…to “TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDERS and SEE?” Many things factored into this. And after finding out how wonderful life is outside of ramth-nosis, I am amazed that it took me so long to see the obvious show that is going on. But I believed in the good of people, denying the predatory universe could exist in a spiritual format, and most importantly, I had blurred an important line of distinction…but more about that later.
I always had a few persistent questions that never could be explained away with the ramth-nosis philosophy. Why did the teachings seem to go sideways? I sat through hours of seemingly unimportant stuff until a nugget of something wonderful was spoken. How many wine ceremonies did I attend where there was no deep answer to the question ‘what was the topic of the night?’ How did I not see the hatred, fear and conspiracy that was underlying everything? Because with ramth-nosis, I was told what to think, who to stand for, and who was conspiring against us. I was told I needed brainwashing, so I believed that it was all for my own good. I was happy in my ignorance and arrogance. A perfect student caught in the web.
As I got deeper involved in the “school”, I contemplated on another fact. Why was there a gap between the teachings and the running of the organization? Why wasn’t there abundance, community, support, love at RSE? There wasn’t even hot water to wash your hands with even though it is plumbed and available in the bathrooms!
A case in point that stands out in my memory was when Mitja stood on stage on stage and shared his personal story. When Jz asked him to be on staff, he insisted on being paid $15 an hour…more than anyone else was getting at the time! And for him, this was a personal breakthrough, to stand up and ask for more money. Clearly he could not see that she wanted him on staff for his good looks and young magnetic personality…worth thousands of dollars per hour for her. Just $15 for him! This in a multi million dollar company, who gave in return no benefits, no retirement support, and may even fire you in the summer times so you are less of a burden on Jz’s vacation pocketbook. (Though she may ask you to come in and ’work’ the summer events for free)!
This made me wonder about the money trail. Isn’t this the 1 percent in action? We can see the lavish lifestyle built on the backs of the humble blue crew, who bust their butts working sometimes 17 hour days cleaning up vomit, stringing archery bows, mopping floors without any kudos. Or the pink leaders who actually had to fully pay for the events they volunteer-worked at. Or the numerous food vendors who would quit because they said that there was not enough profit because a gigantic percentage off the top went to Jz. Or the warehouse / Jz Rose workers that had to work instead of attending the “lifesaving event.” There is a gap here and indeed a money trail to follow! The philosophy taught by ramtha was not the fabric that the corporation is actually made with. This corporation is built on exploitation. Could this be the reason so many staff and commrades leave the school when they finally get closer to the teacher? They could see the teacher was just Jz? I did not know, but this was to be my realization, too.
For a long time I pushed aside the corporations failure to thrive as a failing of Jz not incorporating the teachings into the business. Ramth-nosis had told me to think, “don’t judge the school by Jz’s failings, and so I just looked and allowed the evidence to build up. I dismissed these obvious things like numbers, dollars and the like. I was left with “at least the teachings are original, and taught by a one of a kind, the best teacher ever, a real knowledgeable hero of old.”
But this unraveled too. I read the book “Drive” by Daniel Pink. It stated what I knew viscerally from my own teaching experience. The brain does not think when in a state of fear, it is in a state of reaction and action. In order for a new thought to pass through the brain and reach the frontal lobe, there cannot be fear. The big question came and sat on my horizon like the elephant that was always in the room…if ramtha was an enlightened teacher, why would he have used fear for 30 years when it is absolutely the worst way to try to teach something….the answer was obvious and glaring…because ramtha was not an enlightened teacher.
If ‘he’ didn’t know how to teach, what else does ‘he’ not know about? We had been hypnotized to believe there was always something to be fearful about…always. It was the real pillar of this place. And now I could see how this fear card was subtly but always played. It was used for business purposes, and it was used because of Jz. So if Jz’s mind was coloring the teachings, then all of the teachings could be tainted. I started to recall all of the teachings that I had heard. So much of the time was wasted on explaining Jz, from her past lives, to her sexual nature, and her touted amazing experiences. It makes sense that her mind was coloring the teachings. Could her mind have created this all? What about the original teachings?
When I first attended this so called “school,” I thought that the philosophy I was hearing was original. Over the years, reading some of Helene Blavatsky’s esoteric library, Vera Stanley Alder’s books, Dion Fortune’s “Psychic Self Defense” etc, I could see that even the blue body and realm was not original as touted. I read how to protect yourself by making the pentagram in exactly the same way ramth-nosis taught…but written and printed before ramth-nosis sold it as original. Even the scientologists use the triad diagram with horizontal level distinctions! It made me wonder…how much of the teachings had been gathered, bundled and sold as original but were really recycled by Jz from other texts?
How could I ignore such evidence mounting over the years? Under ramth-nosis, such truths were collected, but the connectivity and understanding was missing. Much like the Prozac we were told would help us out of our serotonin deprived depression, in fear, confusion and trance, the brain does not have enough juice to carry the evidence to a logical conclusion. There is a feedback loop that keeps you ignorantly stuck in ramth-nosis. Going to many events, you keep reinforcing the trance and are sidetracked with a new focus or a new fear to work with. You don’t know it when you are in, but under ramth-nosis, you are told what to think and how to think it in exclusion to everything and everyone. The goal is to withdraw and pull away from life, to have a hoard of food for coming non-existent shortages, be paranoid about non-existent conspiracies, and to be devoted to the color and light show that you can create in your brain over anything else, even if it is self induced hypnosis and not actually taking your life further into development.
I was fortunate enough to have a loving supportive group of friends that were also waking up from ramth-nosis. My family had wisely stated their opinions of distrust and dislike of Jz early on, but they allowed me my experiences. This was the best way to handle it; if there had been pressure from my parents to leave Yelm, I would have instead left them. It is what ramth-nosis tells you to do. With my husband and friends waking up, love conquered the hypnotic trance and we all left Yelm. Once you start sharing with each other, bringing in love and connectivity, the brain moves out of the fear based mode and back able to think. I was not sure exactly what was going on, just that there was some kind of fallacy and danger in Yelm and I must leave immediately. If ramtha was colored by Jz and not the all knowing one like I had been tranced to believe, then I was the one responsible for my lovely life and experiences, not him. The blurred line of interdependency was snipped and I felt light. I needed to leave and explore my brain and sort out the true pearls of my own from the narcissistic, fearful, borrowed knowledge junk that Jz had put in there!
It has taken me two years to reflect, think and sort out my personal experiences from that of ramth-nosis. I had many experiences. I have been blessed with a lot in my life. But they are separate from the enslaving system of non-original material. I felt my power of intent. I broke through limitations. I saw the future arrows in the targets in the exact place they next would hit. There are amazing pearls, but they are not a product of the school, nor of a good teacher. Like deconstructing a great soup, the school can be seen as the limited school, full of dedicated workers who know not the true intentions and delusions of the queen. The king is a fabrication, part of the act. Group energy can make it seem like the guru has special powers, but the people are the ones making the magic, building the fields, feeding the queen, and suffering by being stuck in her web. The 99% are actually the ones with the power.
In the summer of 2010, at my last event, my husband and I were excited to attend. We knew something big was going to happen as we had began to unravel the ramtha myth. How would we see things now? We did not know but it was going to be interesting! A wine ceremony was called and we drank wine for the last time. It was the most boring event because we were on the outside looking in at the tactics of delusion. It was extremely sad because we could see all of our lovely friends stuck like molasses in the delusion. We didn’t talk to others that night, just watched for hours as JZRambles talked on and on about how she is lonely without a man, how she wants to have sex with a married man that was sitting there on stage, how her housekeepers smell her sheets to see if she had had sex the night before. I started to yell out “this is boring, this is boring” but decided to go to bed early for the evening. Interestingly, the person I sat next to at this event was the very person who introduced me to ramth-nosis 17 years prior. Maybe she heard my shouts. I resisted the urge to go up to James Flick and look him in the eyes and say “JZ/Ramtha is the Three Faces of Eve, isn’t she?” I knew the answer and I knew there was no longer need for me to be in Yelm anymore.
Make no mistake, it is a hard task to remove yourself from the patterns of belief that you built around the philosophies and worldview of JZ. It may seem dark when you realize you spent a lot of time and money in the Land of Oz, but you have a whole new wonderful life ahead of you that is clean from such fearful, fragmented, dated data. Outside of ramth-nosis you are free to think and plan towards the future outside of fear. You have the energy and free time to look at your peak moments and on your own follow your path and passion. On your own, you can ground your experiences where they should be found. Within you.
It is good to be free.
WOW! That was one of the most eloquent posts I have ever read and you summarized my opinions perfectly. ThE first time i went to Yelm I wondered why the students didnt seem 'enlightened'. Meaning kind, loving, welcoming but I thought it was my own judgement on my preconceived notions so I set it aside. I travelled around the world and EVERY other place I went for events was more pleasant than Yelm. Once I went back I noticed the difference was glaring. You are so right, the students are the power. The teachers make it into a juvenile high school atmosphere with the in crowds and overinflated egos. That Mitja guy was so stuck on himself it made me want to vomit! Oh and as a little aside I went to a beginners where him and Louie were teachers (not quite the Ateam) and Mitja while telling his story said his family in Germany was worried about this place being a cult. He said, and I quote "it is a cult! As long as you define a cult as a group of like-minded individuals working toward the same goal!". Well jaws dropped, I was stunned because this was one of many beginners I had attended but many people who were there, it was there first time at the rodeo. I hope those newbys heard that and got the he'll out of there!
Thank you so much, Cheryl, this is a great read.
You have wonderfully put into words what happends if one agrees to the ideal offered in the first place.
Thank you for sharing.
It took me many days to write and rewrite my initial post......and facing the fear that suddenly was so apparent...
The moment I was about to hit the 'Send' button waves of adrenaline were flushing my body.
Now, months later so much happened and changed and life is slowly becoming a life again. So to face all this and go through it provides such a gift of freedom that we lack as long as we are stuck in rse philosophy.
Loved reading your story. I can not help but be disturbed by JZ'S strange sexual comments. I read about the bed sheets and it brought me back to a time of much confusion. I remember thinking... wow, people really have problems. I tried to figure out why we were so sexually polluted, yet never really felt I was. I remember being afraid of boys. I have to say it took me years to figure out how sick JZ herself must be. It was not everyone else. I never heard any one ever talk quite like she did. I Realized it was her, her mind, who JZ herself is cleared up much for me. I guess as you did, all the teachings.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Your last event was also mine, and I was looking at everything the same way you were. What do they say, great minds? I remember the maid sheet smelling incident, and JZ as ramtha bashing James, who eventually left the arena after the third or fourth embarrassing rant she went on. The entire subject JZ spoke of was woe is me, selfish, self absorbed, her intimate personal life, how poor JZ is just so consumed with the work or enlightening us folkies she doesn't have the energy to please her man, and many more rambling inconsistencies. She rattled off five or six different natural disasters that were to occur within 6 month to a year, including a volcano is Greenland that would create a new ice age, and I don't remember specifics on all the others, but I know that none of them ever came to pass. It was a whole bunch of the sky is falling and you should all be grateful that I am here to share that with you. Our experiences at that event are so similar, it was eerie reading your perspective. I thought I was the only one in the arena that had not drank the koolaid, but am glad to know there were others. There was a moment in JZ's speech, that was supposed to be a "very important message" mind you, where she rambled off about four words of mush mouthed nonsense, claiming that in his/ramthas language, this meant 'fuck you', and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Here is this ascended, all knowing, all powerful 'god', and his pearls of wisdom in his mother tongue to his 'students' is a derogatory insult. This did it for me, and had I not drank wine, I would have left right then.
I am grateful that you and your loved ones have found freedom Cheryl, and thank you again for sharing such insightful and touching words.
Yes me too, or days. or hours everyday with my cd playing. I mean most of what I got was how 6th seal we were and its so monkey like.I sat through hours of seemingly unimportant stuff until a nugget of something wonderful was spoken
Me too! I mean it was like five hours once about how seabiscuit, the horse was the only soul good enough to love his daughter JZ. Or about Lady Star and His daughter JZ sailing in the meditteranean meeting Valentino designer and him giving them bikinis. It is hard to be like OH POOR JZ.watched for hours as JZRambles talked on and on about how she is lonely without a man, how she wants to have sex with a married man that was sitting there on stage, how her housekeepers smell her sheets to see if she had had sex the night before. I started to yell out “this is boring, this is boring”
Me too I felt it. It was a really ominous feeling standing there with an arena of drunk people, lying on the floor, grabbing my legs as I walk by, saying to me ( drunkenly) If I can read da cards.....(drool) so can you! Now comehere baby and kiss me..I cried and called my parents crying my eyes out. I was so drunk! We had to stay in the arena 6 hours after the Ramtharambles guy left. SO the teachers were arging about cutting off the music. Kids running wild. People having sex in the woods. The showers frozen. The smoke pit filled with people with wine bottles smuggled in their capes, totally breaking rules.just that there was some kind of fallacy and danger in Yelm and I must leave immediately.
Sitting there with crayons drawing the yellow brain, playing games with each other, sharing, holding hands blindfolded. Its like being in preschool
I will check out "Drive" as my brain sometimes will, unknowingly to me, reverse back into this gear.
As for the kitchen queens smelling the sheets.....that is just bs and jz's paranoia. One time she openly chastized Nancy
for deliberately trying to poison her with Nancy's cooking. Nancy was devastated, but still stands by her to this very day.
Those kitchen queens I think take the most ultimate abuse.
And "Three Faces of Eve" about sums it up.
That was the most precise and well written letter I have read explaining what we believed and how we stayed. I am blown away. I hope you will allow us to post it on EE.
I remember when I ran into you and your husband and you told me you were moving and my first thought was "aren't they afraid?". I am so happy you escaped with your family. You are very fortunate. You are still young and have so much life ahead. I will re read your letter and hopefully use it one day as the public answer the question so many ask, "how did you believe that stuff".
Your interpretation shows how a clearly intelligent person could get snared in the web. Thank you for sharing this with us and I know it was difficult for you to "come out" as we say, but you did it in the most respectable way and I am so glad you are here.
What a fabulous post! I just read it today. What happened to people at the school is like entering the TWILIGHT Zone.
So many of my friends were going back and forth promising themselves they were leaving for good but kept being drawn back because of fear.
I really never knew what was being taught at the school because the very mention of a school in the early years would have been a contradiction to his teachings.
Cheryl, thank you for this. Our mutual friend L. told me your exit story was on this site and I am glad that I found it. I freely ceased attending events after I finished college and moved away from Washington State forever. I have no bad memories of my years of attending RSE (except for the tank, which I rather disliked). Although I have never had the urge to return to RSE I have always cherished my memories of the amazing things I learned to do there.Cheryl wrote: I had many experiences. I have been blessed with a lot in my life. But they are separate from the enslaving system of non-original material. I felt my power of intent. I broke through limitations. I saw the future arrows in the targets in the exact place they next would hit. There are amazing pearls, but they are not a product of the school, nor of a good teacher.
Just a couple of weeks ago I was telling my husband about EMF and how interesting I was finding it, to read peoples' stories and views--particularly because my own experience was pretty positive. I never believed the predictions. I had grown up with that hogwash (my dad having been part of the school for 7 years, finishing about 2 years before I began) and by the time I was 16 I knew damned well that the world could end at any moment but no prophet would be able to predict it. When Ram would talk about the "days to come" I would pretty much turn off my ears. I was never sure why he did it, but I assumed he had some reason for striking fear into people. I always figured it was part of some some teaching that didn't apply to me.
My husband never knew me when I attended RSE although he knows something about it. I mean, it seemed pretty crucial when we got together that I tell him about going to the school! Couldn't keep THAT one secret. Anyway, the other night when I was telling him about EMF he said to me, "You mean you actually BELIEVED that this woman channeled this ancient warrior?"
Well, yeah. Why else would I have gone to the school? Don't know why it took him so long to ask THAT question :)
But now I realize, after reading your post Cheryl, that that's NOT why I went to the school. I went to the school because it struck a chord with me, and because some of the things we learned there worked, and worked well. We got to do magic. We got to find our cards and send and receive with total strangers and shoot arrows blindfolded to an amazing degree of success. Some people cheated. I know I didn't, and I am sure most people, overall, were honest.
And THAT'S why so many people have stuck with it. Those little pearls, they're so precious and we worked so hard for them. But as you point out, the material isn't original, and just because it worked does not mean the teacher was excellent, or even real. After all, a determined person can learn Latin or Algebra from the worst of teachers if the textbook is there.
I have absolutely zero regrets that I attended the school, but reading your exit story and the stories of many many others on this forum, I am learning exactly how lucky I am that I was never committed enough to invest my entire life into it. I used to believe this was some failing of mine--that I just didn't have what it takes to be a "master"--but now I realize that my spiritual slothfulness may have been my saving grace.
In just a few line you said a lot because is so much to say about that crazy RSE that is imposible to say it in a few lines.
The thing I like the most is when you talked about the people that want it to have a baby but Ram said that was no safe, I remember friends getting pregnant and all the ramters telling them that they were crazy, now those kids are 6 or 7 years and nothing happend, but many of them decided not to have childrens and now is too late for their bodies.
I'm telling this because in september 11 My wife was pregnant , after that day stared the amtrac in Florida and they said in the ranch or ram not to go to places like hospitals, cities, etc. we had to go to the hospital once a month because our pregnancy was risky , all of our friends was telling us not to go to the hospital, my wife is Rse student but we did the right thing and went to the hospital because we thought that the live of our children was in risk. We were rigth and nothing happend, and my daughter was born in the hospital, and only my brothers come to visit us in the hospital, all the ramsters were afraid to go , also ramsters hate hospitals, but when they have and accident is no other place to go, and personaly I had really good experiences in the hospitals.
And last I'm sure that some people did abortions when they were pregnant and was no safe to have a baby.
I love your analogy with learning Latin or Algebra. Exactly! If you are studying, you are going to have some insights no matter if the teacher was poor! Thank you for sharing and I look forward to future conversations!
Thank you Cheryl for taking the time to write your experience down... Esp to post it and that it was in the local Yelm paper. It may well help a lot of people perhaps sitting on the fence.
It seems like the kind of exit story that would be relatable to so many people. I hope more students find your story.