My RSE exit story Cheryl - It is good to be free.
Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2012 4:09 pm
At this time of autumn, in the midst of the colors changing, it is finally time to share my story. It has taken two years of deep introspection to finally be able to share with you how I emerged from 17 years of Yelm’s ramth-nosis. I had heard of hypnosis before, but mistakenly believed it to be something overt, obvious, and left to the realms of stage shows and people acting like chickens. It wasn’t until I started waking up that I could see how wrong I was with this definition, and how easy and subtle it is to be taken sideways off into someone else’s agenda.
The following is my experience, my opinion, my truth. I hope that it helps to seed the awakening from the Yelm myth. I use my name in hopes that because you knew me, you will read it and contemplate on what I have to say. I know that many current students do read this board. I did probably once a year as I thought it was healthy to consider all sides to a subject. I feel compassion to those still stuck in the web and offer this testimony as a ray to help you burn your shackles free and clear.
I was just 19 years old when I went to my first weekend and naïve enough to believe that this material was original and being delivered from a pure heart and unadulterated state of mind. I fell right into believing and incorporated it deeply. I really believed that I was happily pursuing the quest that boring old life had forgotten about, that religion had tried to squelch, that only a few were able to march on. What I could not see, is that in the shiny pictures fed to me, underneath it all was a rather ominous, deceitful chain that bound my feet to fear, fed me cigarettes of diversion, and prepared me for a long life of enslavement to a consciously manufactured system. Diverting all my attention elsewhere, this system distracted me from perceiving the obvious machine that it was. Feeding my brain was the barrage of propaganda to be special, which created a detachment so the corporate machine could hook itself up to get me dependent on its formula.
What led me to doing what Albert Stubblebine III had so brazenly staged and attempted to tell us to do…to “TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDERS and SEE?” Many things factored into this. And after finding out how wonderful life is outside of ramth-nosis, I am amazed that it took me so long to see the obvious show that is going on. But I believed in the good of people, denying the predatory universe could exist in a spiritual format, and most importantly, I had blurred an important line of distinction…but more about that later.
I always had a few persistent questions that never could be explained away with the ramth-nosis philosophy. Why did the teachings seem to go sideways? I sat through hours of seemingly unimportant stuff until a nugget of something wonderful was spoken. How many wine ceremonies did I attend where there was no deep answer to the question ‘what was the topic of the night?’ How did I not see the hatred, fear and conspiracy that was underlying everything? Because with ramth-nosis, I was told what to think, who to stand for, and who was conspiring against us. I was told I needed brainwashing, so I believed that it was all for my own good. I was happy in my ignorance and arrogance. A perfect student caught in the web.
As I got deeper involved in the “school”, I contemplated on another fact. Why was there a gap between the teachings and the running of the organization? Why wasn’t there abundance, community, support, love at RSE? There wasn’t even hot water to wash your hands with even though it is plumbed and available in the bathrooms!
A case in point that stands out in my memory was when Mitja stood on stage on stage and shared his personal story. When Jz asked him to be on staff, he insisted on being paid $15 an hour…more than anyone else was getting at the time! And for him, this was a personal breakthrough, to stand up and ask for more money. Clearly he could not see that she wanted him on staff for his good looks and young magnetic personality…worth thousands of dollars per hour for her. Just $15 for him! This in a multi million dollar company, who gave in return no benefits, no retirement support, and may even fire you in the summer times so you are less of a burden on Jz’s vacation pocketbook. (Though she may ask you to come in and ’work’ the summer events for free)!
This made me wonder about the money trail. Isn’t this the 1 percent in action? We can see the lavish lifestyle built on the backs of the humble blue crew, who bust their butts working sometimes 17 hour days cleaning up vomit, stringing archery bows, mopping floors without any kudos. Or the pink leaders who actually had to fully pay for the events they volunteer-worked at. Or the numerous food vendors who would quit because they said that there was not enough profit because a gigantic percentage off the top went to Jz. Or the warehouse / Jz Rose workers that had to work instead of attending the “lifesaving event.” There is a gap here and indeed a money trail to follow! The philosophy taught by ramtha was not the fabric that the corporation is actually made with. This corporation is built on exploitation. Could this be the reason so many staff and commrades leave the school when they finally get closer to the teacher? They could see the teacher was just Jz? I did not know, but this was to be my realization, too.
For a long time I pushed aside the corporations failure to thrive as a failing of Jz not incorporating the teachings into the business. Ramth-nosis had told me to think, “don’t judge the school by Jz’s failings, and so I just looked and allowed the evidence to build up. I dismissed these obvious things like numbers, dollars and the like. I was left with “at least the teachings are original, and taught by a one of a kind, the best teacher ever, a real knowledgeable hero of old.”
But this unraveled too. I read the book “Drive” by Daniel Pink. It stated what I knew viscerally from my own teaching experience. The brain does not think when in a state of fear, it is in a state of reaction and action. In order for a new thought to pass through the brain and reach the frontal lobe, there cannot be fear. The big question came and sat on my horizon like the elephant that was always in the room…if ramtha was an enlightened teacher, why would he have used fear for 30 years when it is absolutely the worst way to try to teach something….the answer was obvious and glaring…because ramtha was not an enlightened teacher.
If ‘he’ didn’t know how to teach, what else does ‘he’ not know about? We had been hypnotized to believe there was always something to be fearful about…always. It was the real pillar of this place. And now I could see how this fear card was subtly but always played. It was used for business purposes, and it was used because of Jz. So if Jz’s mind was coloring the teachings, then all of the teachings could be tainted. I started to recall all of the teachings that I had heard. So much of the time was wasted on explaining Jz, from her past lives, to her sexual nature, and her touted amazing experiences. It makes sense that her mind was coloring the teachings. Could her mind have created this all? What about the original teachings?
When I first attended this so called “school,” I thought that the philosophy I was hearing was original. Over the years, reading some of Helene Blavatsky’s esoteric library, Vera Stanley Alder’s books, Dion Fortune’s “Psychic Self Defense” etc, I could see that even the blue body and realm was not original as touted. I read how to protect yourself by making the pentagram in exactly the same way ramth-nosis taught…but written and printed before ramth-nosis sold it as original. Even the scientologists use the triad diagram with horizontal level distinctions! It made me wonder…how much of the teachings had been gathered, bundled and sold as original but were really recycled by Jz from other texts?
How could I ignore such evidence mounting over the years? Under ramth-nosis, such truths were collected, but the connectivity and understanding was missing. Much like the Prozac we were told would help us out of our serotonin deprived depression, in fear, confusion and trance, the brain does not have enough juice to carry the evidence to a logical conclusion. There is a feedback loop that keeps you ignorantly stuck in ramth-nosis. Going to many events, you keep reinforcing the trance and are sidetracked with a new focus or a new fear to work with. You don’t know it when you are in, but under ramth-nosis, you are told what to think and how to think it in exclusion to everything and everyone. The goal is to withdraw and pull away from life, to have a hoard of food for coming non-existent shortages, be paranoid about non-existent conspiracies, and to be devoted to the color and light show that you can create in your brain over anything else, even if it is self induced hypnosis and not actually taking your life further into development.
I was fortunate enough to have a loving supportive group of friends that were also waking up from ramth-nosis. My family had wisely stated their opinions of distrust and dislike of Jz early on, but they allowed me my experiences. This was the best way to handle it; if there had been pressure from my parents to leave Yelm, I would have instead left them. It is what ramth-nosis tells you to do. With my husband and friends waking up, love conquered the hypnotic trance and we all left Yelm. Once you start sharing with each other, bringing in love and connectivity, the brain moves out of the fear based mode and back able to think. I was not sure exactly what was going on, just that there was some kind of fallacy and danger in Yelm and I must leave immediately. If ramtha was colored by Jz and not the all knowing one like I had been tranced to believe, then I was the one responsible for my lovely life and experiences, not him. The blurred line of interdependency was snipped and I felt light. I needed to leave and explore my brain and sort out the true pearls of my own from the narcissistic, fearful, borrowed knowledge junk that Jz had put in there!
It has taken me two years to reflect, think and sort out my personal experiences from that of ramth-nosis. I had many experiences. I have been blessed with a lot in my life. But they are separate from the enslaving system of non-original material. I felt my power of intent. I broke through limitations. I saw the future arrows in the targets in the exact place they next would hit. There are amazing pearls, but they are not a product of the school, nor of a good teacher. Like deconstructing a great soup, the school can be seen as the limited school, full of dedicated workers who know not the true intentions and delusions of the queen. The king is a fabrication, part of the act. Group energy can make it seem like the guru has special powers, but the people are the ones making the magic, building the fields, feeding the queen, and suffering by being stuck in her web. The 99% are actually the ones with the power.
In the summer of 2010, at my last event, my husband and I were excited to attend. We knew something big was going to happen as we had began to unravel the ramtha myth. How would we see things now? We did not know but it was going to be interesting! A wine ceremony was called and we drank wine for the last time. It was the most boring event because we were on the outside looking in at the tactics of delusion. It was extremely sad because we could see all of our lovely friends stuck like molasses in the delusion. We didn’t talk to others that night, just watched for hours as JZRambles talked on and on about how she is lonely without a man, how she wants to have sex with a married man that was sitting there on stage, how her housekeepers smell her sheets to see if she had had sex the night before. I started to yell out “this is boring, this is boring” but decided to go to bed early for the evening. Interestingly, the person I sat next to at this event was the very person who introduced me to ramth-nosis 17 years prior. Maybe she heard my shouts. I resisted the urge to go up to James Flick and look him in the eyes and say “JZ/Ramtha is the Three Faces of Eve, isn’t she?” I knew the answer and I knew there was no longer need for me to be in Yelm anymore.
Make no mistake, it is a hard task to remove yourself from the patterns of belief that you built around the philosophies and worldview of JZ. It may seem dark when you realize you spent a lot of time and money in the Land of Oz, but you have a whole new wonderful life ahead of you that is clean from such fearful, fragmented, dated data. Outside of ramth-nosis you are free to think and plan towards the future outside of fear. You have the energy and free time to look at your peak moments and on your own follow your path and passion. On your own, you can ground your experiences where they should be found. Within you.
It is good to be free.
The following is my experience, my opinion, my truth. I hope that it helps to seed the awakening from the Yelm myth. I use my name in hopes that because you knew me, you will read it and contemplate on what I have to say. I know that many current students do read this board. I did probably once a year as I thought it was healthy to consider all sides to a subject. I feel compassion to those still stuck in the web and offer this testimony as a ray to help you burn your shackles free and clear.
I was just 19 years old when I went to my first weekend and naïve enough to believe that this material was original and being delivered from a pure heart and unadulterated state of mind. I fell right into believing and incorporated it deeply. I really believed that I was happily pursuing the quest that boring old life had forgotten about, that religion had tried to squelch, that only a few were able to march on. What I could not see, is that in the shiny pictures fed to me, underneath it all was a rather ominous, deceitful chain that bound my feet to fear, fed me cigarettes of diversion, and prepared me for a long life of enslavement to a consciously manufactured system. Diverting all my attention elsewhere, this system distracted me from perceiving the obvious machine that it was. Feeding my brain was the barrage of propaganda to be special, which created a detachment so the corporate machine could hook itself up to get me dependent on its formula.
What led me to doing what Albert Stubblebine III had so brazenly staged and attempted to tell us to do…to “TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDERS and SEE?” Many things factored into this. And after finding out how wonderful life is outside of ramth-nosis, I am amazed that it took me so long to see the obvious show that is going on. But I believed in the good of people, denying the predatory universe could exist in a spiritual format, and most importantly, I had blurred an important line of distinction…but more about that later.
I always had a few persistent questions that never could be explained away with the ramth-nosis philosophy. Why did the teachings seem to go sideways? I sat through hours of seemingly unimportant stuff until a nugget of something wonderful was spoken. How many wine ceremonies did I attend where there was no deep answer to the question ‘what was the topic of the night?’ How did I not see the hatred, fear and conspiracy that was underlying everything? Because with ramth-nosis, I was told what to think, who to stand for, and who was conspiring against us. I was told I needed brainwashing, so I believed that it was all for my own good. I was happy in my ignorance and arrogance. A perfect student caught in the web.
As I got deeper involved in the “school”, I contemplated on another fact. Why was there a gap between the teachings and the running of the organization? Why wasn’t there abundance, community, support, love at RSE? There wasn’t even hot water to wash your hands with even though it is plumbed and available in the bathrooms!
A case in point that stands out in my memory was when Mitja stood on stage on stage and shared his personal story. When Jz asked him to be on staff, he insisted on being paid $15 an hour…more than anyone else was getting at the time! And for him, this was a personal breakthrough, to stand up and ask for more money. Clearly he could not see that she wanted him on staff for his good looks and young magnetic personality…worth thousands of dollars per hour for her. Just $15 for him! This in a multi million dollar company, who gave in return no benefits, no retirement support, and may even fire you in the summer times so you are less of a burden on Jz’s vacation pocketbook. (Though she may ask you to come in and ’work’ the summer events for free)!
This made me wonder about the money trail. Isn’t this the 1 percent in action? We can see the lavish lifestyle built on the backs of the humble blue crew, who bust their butts working sometimes 17 hour days cleaning up vomit, stringing archery bows, mopping floors without any kudos. Or the pink leaders who actually had to fully pay for the events they volunteer-worked at. Or the numerous food vendors who would quit because they said that there was not enough profit because a gigantic percentage off the top went to Jz. Or the warehouse / Jz Rose workers that had to work instead of attending the “lifesaving event.” There is a gap here and indeed a money trail to follow! The philosophy taught by ramtha was not the fabric that the corporation is actually made with. This corporation is built on exploitation. Could this be the reason so many staff and commrades leave the school when they finally get closer to the teacher? They could see the teacher was just Jz? I did not know, but this was to be my realization, too.
For a long time I pushed aside the corporations failure to thrive as a failing of Jz not incorporating the teachings into the business. Ramth-nosis had told me to think, “don’t judge the school by Jz’s failings, and so I just looked and allowed the evidence to build up. I dismissed these obvious things like numbers, dollars and the like. I was left with “at least the teachings are original, and taught by a one of a kind, the best teacher ever, a real knowledgeable hero of old.”
But this unraveled too. I read the book “Drive” by Daniel Pink. It stated what I knew viscerally from my own teaching experience. The brain does not think when in a state of fear, it is in a state of reaction and action. In order for a new thought to pass through the brain and reach the frontal lobe, there cannot be fear. The big question came and sat on my horizon like the elephant that was always in the room…if ramtha was an enlightened teacher, why would he have used fear for 30 years when it is absolutely the worst way to try to teach something….the answer was obvious and glaring…because ramtha was not an enlightened teacher.
If ‘he’ didn’t know how to teach, what else does ‘he’ not know about? We had been hypnotized to believe there was always something to be fearful about…always. It was the real pillar of this place. And now I could see how this fear card was subtly but always played. It was used for business purposes, and it was used because of Jz. So if Jz’s mind was coloring the teachings, then all of the teachings could be tainted. I started to recall all of the teachings that I had heard. So much of the time was wasted on explaining Jz, from her past lives, to her sexual nature, and her touted amazing experiences. It makes sense that her mind was coloring the teachings. Could her mind have created this all? What about the original teachings?
When I first attended this so called “school,” I thought that the philosophy I was hearing was original. Over the years, reading some of Helene Blavatsky’s esoteric library, Vera Stanley Alder’s books, Dion Fortune’s “Psychic Self Defense” etc, I could see that even the blue body and realm was not original as touted. I read how to protect yourself by making the pentagram in exactly the same way ramth-nosis taught…but written and printed before ramth-nosis sold it as original. Even the scientologists use the triad diagram with horizontal level distinctions! It made me wonder…how much of the teachings had been gathered, bundled and sold as original but were really recycled by Jz from other texts?
How could I ignore such evidence mounting over the years? Under ramth-nosis, such truths were collected, but the connectivity and understanding was missing. Much like the Prozac we were told would help us out of our serotonin deprived depression, in fear, confusion and trance, the brain does not have enough juice to carry the evidence to a logical conclusion. There is a feedback loop that keeps you ignorantly stuck in ramth-nosis. Going to many events, you keep reinforcing the trance and are sidetracked with a new focus or a new fear to work with. You don’t know it when you are in, but under ramth-nosis, you are told what to think and how to think it in exclusion to everything and everyone. The goal is to withdraw and pull away from life, to have a hoard of food for coming non-existent shortages, be paranoid about non-existent conspiracies, and to be devoted to the color and light show that you can create in your brain over anything else, even if it is self induced hypnosis and not actually taking your life further into development.
I was fortunate enough to have a loving supportive group of friends that were also waking up from ramth-nosis. My family had wisely stated their opinions of distrust and dislike of Jz early on, but they allowed me my experiences. This was the best way to handle it; if there had been pressure from my parents to leave Yelm, I would have instead left them. It is what ramth-nosis tells you to do. With my husband and friends waking up, love conquered the hypnotic trance and we all left Yelm. Once you start sharing with each other, bringing in love and connectivity, the brain moves out of the fear based mode and back able to think. I was not sure exactly what was going on, just that there was some kind of fallacy and danger in Yelm and I must leave immediately. If ramtha was colored by Jz and not the all knowing one like I had been tranced to believe, then I was the one responsible for my lovely life and experiences, not him. The blurred line of interdependency was snipped and I felt light. I needed to leave and explore my brain and sort out the true pearls of my own from the narcissistic, fearful, borrowed knowledge junk that Jz had put in there!
It has taken me two years to reflect, think and sort out my personal experiences from that of ramth-nosis. I had many experiences. I have been blessed with a lot in my life. But they are separate from the enslaving system of non-original material. I felt my power of intent. I broke through limitations. I saw the future arrows in the targets in the exact place they next would hit. There are amazing pearls, but they are not a product of the school, nor of a good teacher. Like deconstructing a great soup, the school can be seen as the limited school, full of dedicated workers who know not the true intentions and delusions of the queen. The king is a fabrication, part of the act. Group energy can make it seem like the guru has special powers, but the people are the ones making the magic, building the fields, feeding the queen, and suffering by being stuck in her web. The 99% are actually the ones with the power.
In the summer of 2010, at my last event, my husband and I were excited to attend. We knew something big was going to happen as we had began to unravel the ramtha myth. How would we see things now? We did not know but it was going to be interesting! A wine ceremony was called and we drank wine for the last time. It was the most boring event because we were on the outside looking in at the tactics of delusion. It was extremely sad because we could see all of our lovely friends stuck like molasses in the delusion. We didn’t talk to others that night, just watched for hours as JZRambles talked on and on about how she is lonely without a man, how she wants to have sex with a married man that was sitting there on stage, how her housekeepers smell her sheets to see if she had had sex the night before. I started to yell out “this is boring, this is boring” but decided to go to bed early for the evening. Interestingly, the person I sat next to at this event was the very person who introduced me to ramth-nosis 17 years prior. Maybe she heard my shouts. I resisted the urge to go up to James Flick and look him in the eyes and say “JZ/Ramtha is the Three Faces of Eve, isn’t she?” I knew the answer and I knew there was no longer need for me to be in Yelm anymore.
Make no mistake, it is a hard task to remove yourself from the patterns of belief that you built around the philosophies and worldview of JZ. It may seem dark when you realize you spent a lot of time and money in the Land of Oz, but you have a whole new wonderful life ahead of you that is clean from such fearful, fragmented, dated data. Outside of ramth-nosis you are free to think and plan towards the future outside of fear. You have the energy and free time to look at your peak moments and on your own follow your path and passion. On your own, you can ground your experiences where they should be found. Within you.
It is good to be free.