My story, first post. Therapy, if you will.

[Vanilla]

I absolutely love this board. I am going to try to read every single post.
I want to share my story.

I guess you could say I was a little abused.
I hope this is the right section.

A few good things happened to me, like I left a kind of sad life in --- to Yelm, where I met and moved in with a great man, and had a baby. I got some insights from the disciplines.

I was really a believer. I mean, I feel so embarrassed and so fooled. This board has helped me so much. I will not be on here long. I am not sure this is going in the right section either, this post.

I am very scared to post this. I am afraid I will be shut out.

A few of them, like me, that think Ram is BS-- some of them, they work within the school. I mean they do school related stuff and make money off it, and they dont believe! Their response was " Ram brings economy to Yelm, that is who is feeding your baby". So I should just shut up and be happy.

My boyfriend is very popular in the school. I know he left his son, daughter family for the school. I wonder if he will leave me and our baby. I am so afraid I will be recognized here it isnt even funny. I am scared.

I guess it started in my mind when Ram looked at me at event and scowled. Said breast implants will make my hair fall out. I thought, without thinking ' WHAT ABOUT JZ'S PLASTIC SURGERY?'. A few ladies looked over at me.

I then heard Ramtha tell us never to eat at restaurants and at same event, was burping because of the Mexican food Jz had ingested that day. My friend says COKE is Jz's favorite drink. I thought we were only supposed to eat food from the ground and made ourselves?

So little things like that...plus the Reservatrol craze. It was weird to me, when they sell it.

I still believed.

Then I got pregnant. Everyone wanted Ram to name the baby. I was a little scared to ask.
Everyone said RAM WILL COME UP TO YOU AND TELL YOU. He didnt. I went to him. What he did say was to leave my boyfriend, that he was a loser and the entire night on stage, looked over at me and insulted him, about 5 times. The whole place was gossiping about me. Stared at me until I saw him then made signals to me. Like throat slitting and shaking finger.

I had people coming up to me telling me it happened to them too. I am part of the club they said.

I still believed, I went to events but stayed clear of eye contact.

Also, I saw a show about the underground Denver airport. The next week, after show aired Ramtha gave a teaching about it, that it had underground and could be linked to NWO, and everyone gasped. But I was like, I saw that on tv! A week before!

But the whole thing came to me when I saw the 17 hour stream.

WHY DIDNT HE DO EMERGENCY STREAM BEFORE EARTHQUAKE HAPPENED

WHY WERE HIS CLOSING WORDS AT LAST Q and A:" This may never happen, none of this may happen"

I mean, how dare he put us all thru that. I held my baby when I heard him say "these people will take your kid and kill them in front of you," about the hungry mob coming from Seattle when the grid shuts down. I had nightmares. I cried. I will never forget the dark place. How everyone was scrambling.

I believed it.

I feel so fooled. I feel so bamboozled. The students at RSE are good people, who would never cheat anyone. Most of them. They have faith. They believe. Using fear to make money is ages old. I read about doomsday cults and they explain the school perfectly, the signs.

I had emails of friends in Yelm saying " I LIVE BY A RIVER" " I HAVE TO MOVE", so sad. My friend is buying a bunk bed in ug for over 10 grand. People digging up their yards for UGS. People breaking into UGS with torches and stealing food.

The business we are in is for students. I just dont want to hurt our income by my choice, so I choose to be silent. But this is how I feel. I feel Ram is just a bunch of BS.

[Marie]

Vanilla,

Thank you SO MUCH for your post.. I know it took a lot of courage for you to post. Your efforts are not wasted. I understand and appreciate your fear. I was never in the school but have lost my mother, sister, aunt and uncle to the school. They are there now, waiting for the end of the world. I have not had a relationship with my sister since she became involved with the school, 20 years ago. I encourage you to read and frequent this board, you will find much help and support here.

Thank you.

Marie

[appealing]

Hi Vanilla,
Firstly, a huge congratulations on your courage! What a huge weight for you to be carrying. I can understand your fear about being identified and encourage you to take your time - everyone here understands what that is like - even I do not feel comfortable enough yet to identify myself by name.

You have made a massive step to speak what is on your mind and I can only be impressed. I won't go into huge depth now, but will let you know that if you feel you have anything to get off your chest and want someone to communicate with in a less obvious place, you are more than welcome to PM me (and I would guess many would say the same!)

I can't write more now, but I am really REALLY glad to have seen your post. Hugely. I will be back to read more later on!

Appealing :)

[Vanilla]

Thank you.

I forgot to mention also, that her hairdresser who is now dead from cancer, used to weave her wigs. Twice a week, she wove Jz's hair. Its this really expensive technique and real expensive hair. Now why would JZ not have any hair? or Bald patches? I asked and noone could give me an answer. That to me is a sign something is not right.

I was told that it isnt diet, but your thoughts that make you healthy. Thats what the school preaches and everyone is a huge meat eater. I am a vegan for 8 years previous to the school. I was pretty much made fun of in the school for that. But I have seen young 75 year old vegans with all their hair and no plastic surgery, so I always wondered.

It didnt seem right.

[ex]

hi vanilla. thanks for your post. i get your concerns. my break up with rse went through my family. be true to yourself. i know social repression loosing business is a very real thing in yelm. especially if you deal with ram followers. a bad remark from jzr can kill a business.the upside is the "ram" CAN'T go after you. or did you see a clear miracle? its all talk. life is good after rse. it takes a while to sort all this out. the good thing is there r other people who did it. you r not alone. i don't have the guts to put my name out. i also avoid info about my personal situation. a while i couldn't even talk to ramsters anymore. after a while i got surprised how many of the hardcore ones did at least got disillusioned.

[Vanilla]

Thank You Ex.

I was thinking life would be pretty empty in Yelm, faking it. Everywhere you go there are Ramtha posters. My housekeeper put up framed Ramtha pictures on my wall today and I didnt have the guts to tell her to take them down.

Blue Stars, Shiva. My house looks just like the arena. I even have the god touching man painting. My boyfriend will never take those down.

[Vanilla]

I had asked someone about enlightenmefree.com I was told the guy who runs this website had his house hit by lightning. I believed this.

Can anyone tell me if this is true.

They said his computer was fried.

[ex]

you r kind of right. especially if your circle of friends is out of rse students. to have contacts with normal people helped me.

[appealing]

I forgot to mention also, that her hairdresser who is now dead from cancer, used to weave her wigs. Twice a week, she wove Jz's hair. Its this really expensive technique and real expensive hair. Now why would JZ not have any hair? or Bald patches? I asked and noone could give me an answer. That to me is a sign something is not right.

I KNEW IT!!! That latest video was a total wig giveaway. I'd never noticed it before! New hairdresser not up to scratch at all!

Appealing

[Marie]

Appealing,

I said the same thing to myself while watching that last video! I was like, "wow, obviously that's a WIG" and if she HAD to wear one why such an obvious one? Interesting.

Vanilla, in answer to your question about the lightening, I think that David's house or nearby did have a lightening episode some time ago, but his computer was not fried and I can pretty confidently say that ramtha or rse had NOTHING to do with it! The longer you are out of rse the more you will realize that not everything that happens is for a "reason."... Stuff just happens and that is life, no big deal. It amazes me that jz knight and ramsters think the world cares what they think or do... Most people have never hear of Yelm or ramtha or jz knight.

[Vanilla]

You guys are great. I have been posting in all the other threads, too. Thanks so much.

Ok

Yes Marie- that scared me about coming here, I thought lightning did strike the guys house and it was Ram who did it. I am so stupid!

[California Dreamin']

Hi Vanilla -

Welcome! Your energy is so refreshing and it causes me to reflect on my own state of mind when I finally made the break from Ramtha/JZ. I really encourage you to continue reading this website. This Message Board turned out to be the springboard I needed to ultimately propel me out of the brainwashed mindset that had encompassed me for 20 years and begin me on a path of self healing.

Speaking of wigs, I ran into JZ in Las Vegas last year and couldn't place her at first but I just couldn't take my eyes off of her. It was after a Las Vegas show that I saw her about 3 - 4 feet in front of me and it stopped me dead in my tracks and I just stared. Unfortunately, I realized who she was after she was gone. I would have loved to have encountered her up close and personally. Anyway, she was wearing a brown wig with full straight-cut bangs, and pulled back in a ponytail. Talk about looking weird with all of that plastic surgery. Very unappealing. And she was wearing the same brown 3/4 jacket that she wore in that god-awful recent video. She was with an elderly man. She appeared totally asexual. So weird. Her hands eventually gave her away. I kept thinking about those man hands and then it clicked with me who she was.


CD

[Vanilla]

CD- That is a strange story.

Las Vegas wow. Brown Wig. Who knows?