so confused...

How to help if you have family or friends in RSE.
lovelight
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 5:03 am

so confused...

Unread post by lovelight » Tue Sep 25, 2012 8:46 pm

I'm not really sure where to start..

I have so much to say, so much to get off my mind, and SO MANY QUESTIONS!

And nowhere to start.

Sil, I'm here. I'm absolutely shocked. Please help me begin, if you read this.

The abuses of my past relationship and the trust my partner so desperately wanted me to have in him have been taken complete advantage of.

I've been made completely dependent, built up to get a job, built even higher being told I don't have to work to support myself anymore, his work is good enough (it its, if he weren't so selfish), only to be told days later that ” I'm probably going to try to manipulate him telling me I don't have to work 'at that job' into that I don't have to work at all”.

I just read in another post something that struck me very closely...

Someone spoke of the ”you must be that way to be able to think it”...it is something I know all too well, and if asking him the same question, will get some broad generic answer, like, ” just observing and learning from you.” Ok. I get all blame for my reality, but when you create a reality that makes you feel the angst of being cheated on (through no act or doing on my part to influence or create such thoughts. The fears come from his past) that is also my doing?

Enter: confusion. I cannot even stay on one track to tell of my position in this.

For a moment, he was successful in indoctrinating me. BUT! If my fundamentalist, calvinist pastor father couldn't after, well, my whole life...he will not succeed either, and he should have known better.

I am angry, I am hurt, I have been lied to and manipulated and used and abused, laughed at, mocked, demeaned, belittled, hung out to dry, thrown under a fucking train (after he threw me under a horse carriage, a car AND a bus). I have had my ability to see myself as a positive, contributing member not only in my relationship, but also in my life, stripped. My knowledge and observations are shot down with excessive force.

This will mark the eighth year that I have been shoved into this dark hole by others.

I guess, realistically, my healing never began before, or during, entering this relationship.

I mean, I even got into it with him about red vs white wines benefits. Turns out, neither is better, neither is all that great. I never knew why he was so diehard about red wine until now.

Sil, could you share some of his experiences while at events? There is only a couple stories that I know, and now, I wonder about those.

He had one, about having been out in the cold and rain (not sure if this was yelm or Italy), and he was told to focus, but to see what you needed as coming from no place, time etc... He could not find his tent after hours of looking, was cold and tired, so he just laid down and went to sleep under a tree. He woke in the morning with a sweatshirt on. It did not belong to him, he had never seen it before. He believes he manifested this...any thoughts or input, or verification?

I am going to end there for now. I feel its confusing enough, maybe. I'm rambling.

If anyone has any input, additional info, questions, anything. Please. I want to know and understand as much as possible. All of my abuses have been cult-like behaviors, I see now, and this may be where I have need to be in order to heal and grow. I don't want to put it on anyone else, but fuck me I need some help. I need some support, somehow. I'm isolated.

Peas.
Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.
-Voltaire

ex
Posts: 857
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 9:18 am

Re: so confused...

Unread post by ex » Wed Sep 26, 2012 1:50 am

hi lovelight. welcome here. as i understand your partner is a ramster and you r not. you made already the most important observation: that you deal with a brain washed member of a cult. then there comes the first big question: do you love him? do you wanna work on this relationship? which by the way will be very hard and most ramster non ramster relationships don't work.if no you might think of an exit strategy. protect your assets and leave. you started reading here so you get his mindset and you might see were some of the od things coming from.this might apply: he is a loyal follower of jz knight he lives in constant fear of world changing events which he only survives if he has a greater, enlightened mind. if you don't have access to all the input jz gives her followers he feels superior to you. [you can apply this to all ramster nonramster encounters] a lot of arrogant and mean behavior comes out of that. of course he is manipulated and through this paranoid about his environment that's why he accuses you to manipulate him. he can't see his own strings which pull his world. he thinks he knows it all and not even ramtha can manipulate him. he probably tried to get you into rse. he did this to save you and that he can have a real relationship with you. sadly through this effort he looks more like a spider luring you into his net. ramsters believe that a loving relationship is very hard to find. that most relationships are founded on needs and manipulation. so they give them self the right to treat others the way you describe. my advice is crude and i am not an expert. there r more sophisticated people here to help you. all the best to you.

Rooster
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:30 pm

Re: so confused...

Unread post by Rooster » Wed Sep 26, 2012 3:49 am

Hello Lovelight,
Welcome, we are hear to listen and help in any way we can. Ex gave a good run down on a relationship with a cult member. Confusion, is a major warning sign! It a sign you are being mentally worn down to except things you are not really wanting to except.

The losing your dependency in this relationship is a warning sign as well. Maybe not just because of rse but of your mates own abusive ways. If you desire to work and have a career, then you should be free to do so. Are you wanting to work? Is he purposley keeping you from working, as to have control over you? If so be strong and know you are not stuck. Find your way out quickley. It sounds as if this is just not working for you.

Are you unhappy? Fearful?

I look forward to hearing more of your story. Maybe our questions will help you.

Eddie
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:07 pm

Re: so confused...

Unread post by Eddie » Wed Sep 26, 2012 3:57 am

lovelight ... I have no soft language for you.

No matter what side of the fence you are on ... a RAMTHA student cannot have a relationship with a non-RAMTHA student. In my 6 years in RAMTHA , I did not have a girlfriend with a non-RAMTHA ; I went on some dates with non-RAMTHA , but I would never cross that line ... too scared that someone would talk some sense into me. So I chose to live in isolation (pretty much). And now that I am non-RAMTHA , I would never ever date someone inside the RAMTHA cult.

Be grateful you are not is the RAMTHA cult; and NEVER support anyone with any of your assets or money. My amateur advice. Send that person a link of this web page. And then be done with it. Let me be clear: if someone states that they manifested a magical sweatshirt ... they are officially in the RAMTHA cult.

I would like to say something cute like there are plenty of fish in the sea ... but in the RAMTHA waters there are only sharks and predators.

Kelku
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2012 8:40 am

Re: so confused...

Unread post by Kelku » Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:02 pm

Hello Lovelight,

happy you found your way to this site to learn about what you are dealing with.

I won't go into length here as my time is very scarce right now.

Here is what I can say, which only represents is my opinion:
Your bf didn't do much events (as far as I know 1Beginners+FU, 1 CYY and 1Blue Collge Retreat around 2009) but that doesn't mean he isn't deeply indoctrinated... additionally he read some stuff.... but he never really built up a rse background like having rse friends etc..
From what I could see he took what he liked and didn't worry too much about the rest.
He already showed some strange behaviour patterns when he started school so these can't be ascribed to his attendance of the school although these traits may have gotten reinforced by the philosophy taught there.
As far as his experiences on events goes, I cannot say much about since I was working when he attended.
He got pretty drunk on a regular basis, this I remember, ... and when he was drunk one could carry him to a ship and send him to the ocean without him waking up... so much for the shirt he has 'manifested'.

My only advice is educate yourself and make a decision. The place to find support and information you have already found. :-)
“Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.”
- Sophocles

Ockham
Posts: 799
Joined: Sun Apr 03, 2011 6:15 am

Re: so confused...

Unread post by Ockham » Wed Sep 26, 2012 12:09 pm

Hi Lovelight,

Thanks for making such a heartfelt and frank posting. It helps me as an outsider understand old friends of mine that have been tangled up in RSE for years.

I encourage you to get support from rational thinking family and friends if you can get it. That is an incredibly valuable resource, but family and friends on the other hand may not appreciate the mind control and brain washing of RSE. Getting professional help from somebody that understands cultic relationships is an option that you shouldn't feel bad about if you want to consider it. It is not you who is damaged goods, but the partner that has been sucked into the cult, and uses that to justify his abuse of you - in his warped thinking, it isn't he that abused you. In his mind - you must have wanted it and attracted his abusive, 'reality.' Baloney!

I agree with Ex and Eddie that it would be very difficult to get the Ramtha-absorbed partner to change. He is likely to interpret anything you do as a jealous response that he's got enlightenment and you don't, so you're trying to spoil his reality. Maybe he'll have an a-ha moment and see JZ Knight as the raging drug-taking, pipe-smoking, alcoholic liar that she is. Maybe he won't and he'll buy into the Ramtha stories forever. I believe his decision will have to come from within him when he's ready to make it.

You didn't detail everything that may be at stake: such as kids, property, etc... I don't envy you having to make a tough descision about what to do. It sounds like you have the savvy to support yourself if you need, and you're exploring your questions here - that is a healthy good start. Best wishes to you.

California Dreamin'
Posts: 338
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:15 pm

Re: so confused...

Unread post by California Dreamin' » Thu Sep 27, 2012 5:24 pm

He had one, about having been out in the cold and rain (not sure if this was yelm or Italy), and he was told to focus, but to see what you needed as coming from no place, time etc... He could not find his tent after hours of looking, was cold and tired, so he just laid down and went to sleep under a tree. He woke in the morning with a sweatshirt on. It did not belong to him, he had never seen it before. He believes he manifested this...any thoughts or input, or verification?
Your boyfriend was most likely being truthful when he shared this with you. When I was there (1988-2000) people frequently got disoriented after focusing in the rain and cold (and without food or water) for hours. We were usually blindfolded in the forest and/or paradise beach and then sent to the "field of dreams" to focus on a card or whatever. Then after many hours when it was night-time we were instructed to find our tents, all while being blindfolded. We were all running on fatigue/exhaustion. It was not unusual for people to get disoriented and not find their tents. These people would end up lying down just about anywhere and falling asleep. Many were cold and wet. If they could find anything to cover up with, they'd grab it. It wasn't stealing. It was survival. I remember being in my tent and hearing these poor lost souls stumbling around for hours.

I, too, was a lost soul, but I wouldn't really know that for sure until I found EnlightenMeFree and was able to once again look into myself.


CD

Tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Re: so confused...

Unread post by Tree » Thu Sep 27, 2012 5:59 pm

several times during my tenure at RSE, I had the thought to actually take a poll of all the Ramsters.
How many of them had been abused as a child, or were children of alcoholics, or some other form that was abusive.

I wish I had taken that survey.

It is my personal opinion that nearly everyone that attends that stupid school has had some serious , previous, very dyfsunctional up bringing or prior relationship that is such. Just my .02

So, when I read your post, I thought of this and the recent video of the brainwashed people writing and dancing
as if they were cockroaches on a floor without a mind whatsoever.

I don't know what else to say except thank you for your post.
Keep posting if you have more questions or confusion.

Tree

Eddie
Posts: 42
Joined: Mon Aug 13, 2012 11:07 pm

Re: so confused...

Unread post by Eddie » Fri Sep 28, 2012 1:32 am

the common theme at RSE events was, "I finally found a place where I belong".

Tree, no need to take a poll at RSE; just to "data slicing"; If I list my seven best friends at RSE, all seven had "crazy" stories about there lives. (Crazy is not a good word; or maybe it is).

1. Escaped several life/death situations (me)
2. Escaped several life/death situation; overcame heart condition; & was alcoholic
3. Molested by clergyman & was alcoholic
4. Parents in RSE cult; mother lost her sanity; & was alcoholic
5. Alcoholic father; lost several miscariages
6. Grew up in gangs; did not know how to wear a condom; fathered many children
7. Raped as young women; drugs
8. Dated young teenage girls

Virginia
Posts: 113
Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:12 am

Re: so confused...

Unread post by Virginia » Sat Sep 29, 2012 9:06 am

If you are in a relationship with a sheep please realize that no matter what form of crazy you feel you are going through you are still more sane than you partner, JZ, or any of her followers because you are out. So there will be bumps in the road and sad times but the further you get away from the real crazy the sooner you can start to feel well and joyful again. These followers have been taught that they have to only take care of themselves. This school has created such opportunists and such selective integrity. Such a lack of compassion for others and such an arrogance (over what I have no idea) that the whole culture is poison.

You are fighting a losing battle as long as your partner is still in. I love many students but I can't listen to their nonsense. It is like trying to reason with a drunk. Save your breath and get away from them. There are 7 billion people on the planet, you will love again. The faster you get away from it all the faster you can have a great life. You love them huh? Go love someone who is mentally sane and is there for you mentally and emotionally, or spend some time enjoying life without a partner for awhile, you'll make it and will all be here for you cheering you on. Whatever you decide, we are here. :D

lovelight
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 5:03 am

Re: so confused...

Unread post by lovelight » Sun Oct 07, 2012 4:13 pm

This is really the first chance I've had to get back online here. He got home the 26th and we've been pretty busy.

He packed his stuff yesterday and had his bag hidden outside. I got back from the bank and while I was upstairs realizing his clothes were gone, he was putting his bag in the truck and leaving.

To add to your poll, tree, he was abused, neglected and the child of two alcoholics, and numerous affairs and cheating, even witnessed some drug use, and experienced some sexual abuse (non family, of course).

Sil, what kinds if strange behaviors? I only ask for my own curiosity now.

Thank you so much for your posts everyone. I don't have anything right now. I was almost completely dependent on him...so we'll see! ;)
Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do.
-Voltaire

Tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Re: so confused...

Unread post by Tree » Sun Oct 07, 2012 5:00 pm

lovelight-

good riddance to him.

Very difficult on one hand (the smaller gerbil wheel, if you will)
The best thing for you on the other ( in the grand scheme of things).

my heart goes out to you.
Hugs,

Tree

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