my life-line at the moment, its a roller-coaster of despair and absolute confusion, my alarm bells where going off so frequently especially with the streamings, I thought I was developing spiritual tinnitus. I want to thank everyone that has posted on the EMF site, and Robair and David for responding so quickly to my emails, your concern and kind words meant more than I can say right now.
There is no turning back, I can only go forward
I am so happy to see you posting, I can already see a different in just few posts, you are starting to figuring out that life after RSE is bringing some freedom already, it is not a giant step but it is good one forward, I know that you have been true a lot, the last ten years RSE has been twisting the screw greatly on the fear factor for it is the best way to hook and control someone. By no mean do I think you are cure but it is a start and a very good one I might say. Like I mentioned before your quality of life is going to get better, none of us did it with giant steps, it is a one day at the time. Like I told you many will come to help and you in exchange you are helping many that you might never know by sharing your stories.
David and I are providing the tool and information by keeping EMF on but the help always come from you guys out there that come running when called up on. It never cease to amazed me.
I am not an ex-member of RSE but was in the similar CUT cult run by Elizabeth Prophet..I went through many months of anxious confusion in 1980 before i broke free...this is a shared expereince by many many cult defectors.
I think the cheapest investment you can make now is buy:
Take Back Your Life by Janja Lalich and Mady Tobias. Both authors were "there" in spades too, one in a 'communist cult', the other under the control of a psychopathic therapy clinic director for ten years. I recently recommended it to a nurse i know who broke away from 10 years in a bible sect several years ago--she read it "in one sitting" saying "I was reading my life story"
http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q= ... KXQ7DAcPUw
you are under a rest
you have a right to be silent
you have a right to speak up
anything you say on emf will not be held against you
you have a right to avoid RSE students
you have a right to imagine Ramtha as a puppet-god in a clown suit with strings attached to the remedied lips of an aging psychic medium with "is-it-really-blond?" hair
Whatever you have given up in order to be able to afford live streams, tapes and books for RSE, do that now.
Buy yourself a little present, just because.
Instead of a neighbourhood walk, go for a stroll and instead of 'telling yourself who you are and what you have "always been like", just breath in the air, smell the flowers, smile at people you meet and feel their response to you.
Join a gym, a bridge club, or a craft guild.
Learn something of practical use to yourself and others.
Talk to a friend who does not judge you.
Get lots of rest.
I think I was having a melt-down, I used to paint, it was my passion, I’d forgotten, after realising I’ve been chasing a false dream which at times felt like a nightmare, I’ve been obsessing on the EMF site, not good, doing things in moderation has not been my life-style for a long time. Although you say your not an expert, its what I needed to hear, normal every-day life without thinking about the days to come and doing disciplines or feeling guilty that I hadn’t became a way of life. Damned if you do damned if you don’t, I’ve been in the school so long I’d forgotten what it was to just live, as for the money I’ve saved, well, that went towards preparing for DTC, I do need to fill this gaping whole that jkr/rse filled to the max. Although the day time is difficult right, its night-time that seems to be the main problem and painting could well be the answer, thank you Lost In Space for being there at this crazy hour and posting a reply
In addition to devouring the EMF website, one of the things that I have found extremely healing is to openly discuss what I have been through with close friends who do not judge me.
I've found it healing to tell my friends about this website, and to openly discuss my experiences with them. Instead of feeling shame, friends I have known (outside of RSE) find my story fascinating. It has been therapeutic to tell all - the sacred ceremonies, money scams, wine ceremonies, my blindfold adventures, sleep deprivation, etc, etc. The more I share with them, the better I feel about everything.
It really feels good to be able to talk about it instead of bottling up the experiences inside of me.
In spite of my friends who now know my story, I still have not told my husband. To him, as far as he knows I just stopped going to Yelm. He was always suspicious of JZK, and told me many times to get out NOW. I defended RSE with every ounce of my being for many years, and now my "pride" continues to keep me from sharing with him my realization that he was correct in his judgment, and that I was brainwashed big-time. I'm afraid he'll use my poor judgment about attending RSE as leverage whenever we disagree on anything.
I still have a lot to sort out, but good family and friends, the love of my dogs, and a new inspiring passion, have turned me around and have helped me get back on the right path.
Hang in there, outonalimb.
The sad truth of it is I don’t have any close friends to tell my story to and there is still the program of telling others what you feel is akin to vomiting on them, you know you feel better they now feel worse, I think that was a Dr Joe teaching, I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place right now, David said to me initially to get help, I think that may be my only outlet for getting this bs out of my head, I too defended rse to my husband and although we live miles apart now, he still bears the emotional scars of when I left him, even though he would disagree, he does mention the day I took off every so often and the shame and guilt I feel is heavy, it makes it difficult to speak. I did have a partner who was into jkr/rse who became fanatical and alcoholic, I have received hundreds of deranged letters from him and had to change my telephone number, it seems the whole experience has been a detour into madness.
I did have an opportunity on questions and answers to ask a question: I thought I had seen the future of rse, there was no jzk and no ramtha, but the teachings which were all video were still continuing and attracting people from all over the world like a mecca, it was all about the disciplines and rse was huge and had virtually swallowed the whole of Yelm, the students all wore the same black masters coats like a uniform, there was no individuality, and definitely no critical mind, they all stayed on the complex for months at a time, once your were in you couldn’t get out, how revealing, anyway my deluded question regarded that I’d seen the future and I wanted to be a part of it (how mad is that) but I didn’t know how I was going to be there because I was so fearful of everything, talk about my soul sending out a warning!! Anyway jkr said I would receive a runner that would scare me to death, then I would know who and what I am: ironically I think this experience in a weird way is my so called runner, can I know the truth about this despicable scam and live a normal life without losing my mind, the jury is still out on this one: I have to believe I can rebuild my life and function in a loving and productive way and I am trying, I have to go to work now and smile and function as if everything is fine, thank you so much for your support
You mentioned that you're currently without close friends.
I met a group of new close friends when I began attending AA meetings after leaving RSE. It took me about 8 months, but after attending many meetings and listening to stories from ashamed, angry and demoralized members of the AA group, I identified several people that I particularly reasonated with and we keep in touch (sometimes frequently, sometimes months go by) and I am able to gain support and give support to them and others who have their own crosses to bare. I have more insight now to share with others.
I'm not suggesting that you're an alcoholic, but there are many different types of women's support groups out there that you might want to look into.
P.S. I believe that being drunk for an entire month at an October Boktau confirmed my alcoholism beyond a doubt.
Fear was a big thing when I left RSE. Not so much about RSE followers or staff coming after me but the fear of doing things that I used to do prior to RSE; because at RSE they were projected and then ingrained as being dangerous, un-enlightened, and anything else negative that RSE deemed them to be.
What helped to get past that was to once again participate in those very things taught to be taboo at RSE; and then to find that they did no harm as I once believed that they would thanks to RSE's mind control. This meant doing things like taking trips without a 'survival pack' in my vehicle, getting on a plane for a real vacation with no way back but by another airplane, having days without first 'creating' them, going for walks without chattering about how 'I have always been...' (or at least finishing it with something like "free, foregiving, or something that was humerous at the time like "a big question mark on the page of humanity").
What also helped a lot was to spend some time caring for and/or about another living thing. This was equally effective when grooming my dog, taking a few moments to converse with someone who otherwise I would have brushed aside in my RSE delusional state, or even just repotting a plant that really needed it. I even got pleasure from picking drowning worms from the sidewalk after downpours and setting them under leaves for protection. These things took my attention off of 'myself' for a while and that in itself was a relief from the storms that were raging in my mind at the time.
In that first year away from RSE's mind control, I spent some time exploring Mexico the first winter and had one of the best gardens the following summer. I went on some personal 'camping' retreats with no agenda (just me, the bush and the silence) and got to know myself again. How wonderful to find that I am actually a bit more lazy and self indulgent than I'd like to admit; but being just fine with that realization was the wonder.
Not feeling that there was always a push to self critisize and self correct every darn thing was and is liberating. Just enjoying one's own company in solitude was an awesome experience. I laughed a lot when I realized that I was just like everyone else; complete with self-made discontent and self-made happiness. There was and is a choice.
I wish you an easy path filled with the joy of not being, or trying to be anythng but you...may you find its effortlessness a breath of fresh air.
Smile and be happy that there is light at the end of the tunnel...and it isn't a train.
With love, Kensho
Booker T. Washington
Let me say that I haven't been in RSE, but people close to me are deeply hooked. I can only imagine what it is like to try to get free of RSE, viewed from my perspective on the outside.
One thing that is comforting in a weird way about life in RSE is that many vexing needs for decision making are unloaded for the masters. Life's focus to become all about endless preparation for TDTC and those everyday complexities of family, employment, taxes, etc. fade to the sideline. When one ventures back out from under JZ's fear umbrella, all those everyday nagging complexities are there to smack you in the face. I can see that would be overwhelming if you've been away from life's hubbub for a while. It is understandable and normal feel dazed, like things coming at you from a hundred different directions at a thousand miles an hour. Everything happens at Internet speed these days, but luckily we human beings are quite resilient, and we adapt. Just coming out of the bounded choice environment of RSE into a bustling world could take a long time to get back in the groove. It can seem like everybody else is in the groove and you're on the outside, but remember everybody else has been in the throes of everyday life and they've been practicing all along. Give yourself time to ramp up, and don't feel you need to jump in the deep end all at once. Give yourself a much deserved vacation and practice enjoying rather than creating. And it is practice; it isn't just turning on a switch. It could be easy to relapse into RSE because RSE simplifies through bounded choice. That can seem to be a comfort compared to the chaos of everyday life. Reference: http://cultresearch.org/pdf/bc_in_csr.pdf
I think you're on the right track having animal companions. I've learned much from my non human friends, seeing how they truly love unconditionally without qualification and that they take pleasure in everyday experiences without the need to create.
Finally, a support group of some kind is a huge asset. I'm not talking about 12 step AA (though alcohol addiction seems to be a recurrent side effect theme resulting from RSE). Any sort of group with a common interest such as a hobby that where you can let go and enjoy the moment rather that having to tediously create reality with hours of focus, neighborhood walk RSE style, etc.
Friends and family aren't as judgmental as JZ and company would have you think. I know, because I am one of them. Several people I know have become tangled up in RSE and I still love them just as much as before. RSE is just what they do, not what/who they are. I would be fascinated to hear the whole story of RSE. It sucks to be on the outside and not be able to get past that damn non disclosure agreement. I'd love to be able to just have a normal conversation about it. It is disappointing to see them dump so much money on RSE, but it is a free choice. I think I might not be as open minded RSE if the welfare of family children or future financial stability were being challenged. I know for some, it is. For the people I know in RSE, it is not so much an issue.
Best wishes on your life after RSE. May peace be with you.
Life's focus to become all about endless preparation for TDTC and those everyday complexities of family, employment, taxes, etc. fade to the sideline. When one ventures back out from under JZ's fear umbrella, all those everyday nagging complexities are there to smack you in the face.
Hello Ockham, what you say is so true, where the hell have I been, how sad to overwhelmed by everyday life, to-day is a good day, I became a great aunt, it was wonderful, a little baby girl came into the world and I hardly thought of myself at all to-day, it was so freeing, I also called a good friend yesterday and had a great chat, I shared my thoughts about jkr and I experienced no judgement, I felt a peace that was truly humbling. To share ones thoughts and have them met by another whose intent is to understand and relate through there own experience, not necessarly agreeing, helped me enormously, I had become so fearful of opening up to anyone outside of EMF.
The bounded choice, explains a lot, I had an extensive list of rse sayings for every situation which of course was all self serving and meant I didn't have to consider in real terms what had been put before me, in other words a closed rse mind. The other day I wrote a letter to all current students of jkr/rse, although I may never post it, I found it so liberating to express my true thoughts regarding my lost years in the land of ramsville, which ultimately led me up the garden path, I envy your clarity due to your fully functioning critical mind, such a gift, my husband is also blessed with this laser like attribute, however when it comes to comprehending the fog of bounded irrational concepts, he does his utmost to be understanding but is also mystified as to why anyone would ever expose their precious minds to such bizarre and grandiose ideas. I have enjoyed reading many of your posts and you have helped me a great deal to see it from a non rse perspective, the balance is essential to a forum such as this, you gave me the courage to pick up the phone and I thank you for that.
There have been some very supportive and clear replies to your original post. However, I agree with you that Ockham has hit so many nails on the head. Should I have had someone such as himself to talk to me when I was trying to escape a 'cult' over 30 years, I would probably have been able to recover far more quickly than I actually did.
I hope that you are continuing to feel stronger with every coming day, and my thoughts and very good wishes are with you.
Thank you for your warm wishes, its true the posts have empowered me, I can't say what would have happened had I not had the EMF site to express my turmoil, the creeping horror I felt when I initially realised that it was all a scam was all consuming. I do not want to live with regret but I know that this experience has changed me, I was always a bit too trusting and impulsive, I don't think I ever had a truly developed critical mind which in turn has lead me down all sorts of dubious holes. I have copied and pasted so many posts to read at my leisure including several from you, the beautiful truths and wisdom I have read on hundreds of posts are helping to heal what felt like a broken mind and I have even found myself laughing out loud, wow!!! that was unexpected. I continue to handle things one day at a time.
Joe Sz deserves the credit for bringing up bounded choice in some of the great articles he has written. I have seen a similar effect in college students who arrive from abroad to study in the United States. It can be overwhelming to suddenly have great freedom to do almost anything one's heart desires, but then at the same time there are a million little things that have to be decided and dealt with. That can be a very scary sensation.
I don't think there is a quick formula that works for everybody. To me, the closest experience I think I can relate, is that regaining independence from a cult must feel much like the loss of a very close family member. The difference is losing a family member can not be reversed, but the cult is still there to pull you back in. Of course, something cults ingrain is that only the cult can provide love and understanding. I would like to think in general, there is a world full of equally wonderful people on the outside. No doubt there are exceptions to the rule; some people have sought out the cult in the first place because their own families were unloving. For people without a network of supportive friends already in place on the outside, it is going to be a more difficult process because one will need to find support and make friends.
I can see that it may be very difficult and slow process to shed cult’s emotional programming . Just try seeking out a little support and see how it goes. Hopefully, the people around you won't be shy about showing compassion. It can be done, but it is hard to go through life solo. It is much easier when we have each other to help get through the daily grind. The resources for finding compassion are going to vary a lot depending on where you live and the emotional support available in your family structure.
Thank you to everybody who has taken the time to share his or her personal experience and wisdom here.
advice is tough to give and recieve for some recently exited cult members due to questions of authority, making up one's own mind about intimate choices, feeling a need for a secure "plausability structure" (fancy phrase fr sociology re a belief system or 'code to live by'), and simple signs in the environment that have been tainted by cult language, ideas, and behavior.
The latter are called "triggers" by the former member milieu. These triggers can be anything: a song, a smell, cut flowers, a tv show on psychics, candles, a Bible, a blond cougar woman with botox lips in the mall, an earthquake, etc. Triggers are those things that bring the cult experience back 'home' after you felt you have already shut the door to all that. triggers can cause anxiety and in some panic.
there are some good talks about 'coping with triggers'..some mentioned in Take Back Your Life. but one way is to reframe the experience which takes mental work. eg, one therapist who was caught up in a small but similar to RSE channeling cult could not bring cut flowers into her house for 2 years after sue to the leader always using cuyt flowers on stage. Just going back into the ocean "hurt" because they did so much ritual by the ocean dring "workshops." She let the flower thing go, even tho she was an avid gardener, feeling it would eventually fade and one day she would bring cut flowers back into her home. As far as the ocean, one day she just walked in, did a blessing ceremony for herself and "reclaimed" the ocean as hers again OUT LOUD. that silly effort worked for her as the pain subsided thereafter in stages.
http://howtosavetheworld.ca/2011/11/14/ ... -triggers/ http://cultmediation.com/infoserv_artic ... iggers.htm
In CUT and the "I AM" cult, chanting or 'decreeing' was so central that any form of prayer in a group or sing-song rally cry could be a major 'get me out of here' experience for ex-members. I was not in the cult for long--truly devoted maybe for 1 yr out of the 2 I participated, yet I could not tolerate group prayer, song, or chanting of any kind for a couple of years after I broke away. I still do not "enjoy" it....no choirs for me..can't really sing anyway
QUOTE: "I am inclined to view "breathing" in any yogic fashion as a possible trigger for x-RSE due to all the C&E? has this been a problem for anyone?"
Most certainly it was and even now, four years after leaving RSE there is often a rather forceful inner voice and commentary that intrudes into practices which involve intentionally altering the breathing rate or force. It comes forward as recognition that: "This is mind training".
Although I was quite familiar with forms of it through 25 years as a practicing Buddhist, there was such a strong resistance to doing any sort of breath work after leaving RSE, that it was abandoned. This was decided upon after several attempts to resume some of the 'breathing exercises' that I practiced before going to RSE; because such attempts only resulted in inner debate/bargaining with respect to the issue of mind training/programming.
Oh sure, there is the ability to over ride the debate and just perform such practices...but an echo of the thought that it is a form of intentional mind training, remains. Because that remaining thought has its root in self concern, doing any practice which intentionally altered the breath seemed to amplify the perception of self, rather than decrease it; which is generally the purpose of such practices.
I am now at the stage where analytical meditation practice helps to fortify a little critical thinking with respect to this and other practices (including analytical meditation itself), that I once held to without really thinking about them.
Thankfully, a good sense of humor has remained intact.
QUOTE: "In CUT and the "I AM" cult, chanting or 'decreeing' was so central that any form of prayer in a group or sing-song rally cry could be a major 'get me out of here' experience for ex-members. I was not in the cult for long--truly devoted maybe for 1 yr out of the 2 I participated, yet I could not tolerate group prayer, song, or chanting of any kind for a couple of years after I broke away. I still do not "enjoy" it...."
Similar experiences here Joe! The decision to resume Buddhist practice after leaving RSE was made because it is essentially a study of mind rather than the unquestioningly following of a central figure as savior; and admittedly it was somewhat familiar territory. Even so, as with most religions, there are practices that involve recitation, liturgies, songs and group practice. Initially these were all met with the same "This is mind training." thought...and it was often not so kindly put .
What you point out Joe is so true especially with respect to group practices. Even now, there is an inner voice that has its say at the start of recitation, liturgies and songs when practiced in a group...and rather than perceiving it with resentment, I am thankful for it.
What serves as a balance to the resistance and judgements that come up during group practice is solitary practice with these same recitations, liturgies and songs; because then there is the freedom to engage in analysis (meditation) right at the moment when those inner debates come up. Taking the time to analyze the basis of judgmental thoughts is truly an adventure into discovery (sense of humor required).
So far it seems that more growth toward understanding and freedom of choice has resulted from just watching and questioning the mind in this way, rather than through blindly or forcibly following any mind training stuff (RSE, religion or otherwise).
Doing so while attempting to both analyze and allow the inner debates to play out time and again is better than TV.
Maybe that sort of process is some of what the spiritual quest is about...sort of like trying to get a finger to touch itself. At some point one can just relax and be happy that there is a 'finger' that touches.
With love, Kensho
Booker T. Washington
I feel with you. I have not been to RSE, but some other cult (Thelema, following the teachings of Liber Al Vel Legis and Aleister Crowley), and getting out there was an emotional horror. I agree, not getting in contact with ex-members for some time will help clear your mind and not fall back into old thought structures. (I never got back in contact, however. I think they still see me as wrong and weak.) Oddly enough, those "create your own reality, you are your own god" movements seem to change people to a less social and less warm self - after all, you are to blame for your own problems, they say.
I am positive that your old self before RSE is still there, and that you can get each and every piece of it back. Plus, you'll be stronger than before, not allowing anyone to do that to you again. And as for me, I now treasure things I did not even notice before.
Did after 8 years of doing c&e every day ever manifest anything that was promised to you, you would have? Did you become wealthy or make things appear or cure cancer?
Thats a long long time
Maroni, thankyou for your reassurance that my old self is still there, I like to think of a line from a song by the band Magazine,
(but the brightest jewel inside of me, goes with pleasure at my own stupidity)
jkr/rse teaches that it is necessary to subdue our human emotions as we run the risk of dwelling in “social consciousness” such a “big” dirty word, the hypocrisy is all to apparent in “the bullshit to come” teachings which encourages heightened fearful emotions thereby imprisoning the mind in “anti social consciousness”. I know mind control was involved, however, so many times intuition and pure reason shot through my mind only to be betrayed by my own blind faith all in the name of unrequited tainted love loaded with hidden agenda, oh the irony.
Jo sz: The triggers are a problem at the moment, before anything good that came into my life was usually attributed to jkr, anything bad would be a so called runner sent by jzr (experience sent in order to teach), meditating and breathing is an absolute no no at the moment, while walking I have to consciously stop the dialogue, for I have always been and don’t get me started, when I hear the word manifested I feel my blood boil, the sad fact is, over the years I was the one who introduced my family to the trigger words I am finding so difficult to deal with now.
I agree Kensho, humour is vitally important, while I was a student I was greatly disturbed one day while dutifully doing my list, I came to the, I am all that a master is, only to blurt out I am all that a monster is, I did lots of self analysis on this only to return to the bounded thought that I surely couldn’t be a monster for everyone created their own reality and how could I be held responsible for their pain. Soon, I will be moving into an my own apartment which is next to an enormous wooded area, I know this will be beneficial as living in a family setting is very difficult and I yearn to be alone, my spiritual values resembles swiss cheese at the moment.
Freemysoul, I knew there were dedicated students out there and I wanted to be one of them, great focus is not a jkr inc. invention, I know from reading your posts, your ability to articulate with wisdom and compassion is largely due to your depth of focus, its true to say my approach to the disciplines were similar to my approach to homework while at high school, sometimes my work was highly praised and other times I had a list of excuses as to why my work was not available. I would mercilessly berate myself for not doing “the great work” however most times my focus was shot to s@*% due to the time consuming teachings and the lack of manifestations, aaahhhhhh
I agreed with Carrol Cobbs before entering jkr/rse without having to do any disciplines, I had been blessed with a flood of spiritual adventures which eventually became a trickle.
Vanilla, how I have enjoyed reading all your posts, I must confess I do seek them out from time to time, you lift my heart
I am just so happy you are here and found your way out of rse! Things do get better. Your so much better off coming back into reality. Too many I know are so far gone, they will die waiting for that miracle and money. What will that get them? A new great life? Will they meet Ramtha waiting for them? Oh my, what we can get ourselves into! I choose to be happy and live. Growing up in a cult has taken to many years of needless worry. I realized the only way you make something happen is to just get up out of that c&e position and make things happen. So far I have been happier than ever.
I have often wondered what it would be like to have had parents in the school, I think you are remarkable to have questioned what was being given to you in the name of love, a free thinker no matter what, how wise you are, I have a daughter who I exposed the teachings to when she was very young and like you she surmised that it didn’t add up, at first I blamed her father for giving her a closed mind, she had developed critical thinking at a very early age, I am so proud of her for having the courage to develop her own mind. I am delighted for the happiness you now possess, I have read many of your posts and initially I thought you to be much older than you probably are, wisdom does not appear to have an age assigned to it. It’s only a month since I realised the awful truth, but I’m happy I did no matter what happens next.
I, too, am a trained hypnotherapist, as well as being a psychotherapist. Like yourself, I well know how these things work, although in the therapeutic situation, my aim was to teach people auto-hypnosis, for the strengthening of their own self-confidence, etc, but definitely within the boundaries of their own lives and personal experience.
However, my knowledge well puts me into the position of understanding how mind-control and manipulation can occur when people are confronted by unscrupulous individuals, such as JZ.
I also totally applaud Rooster as a child of a ramster for being able to, somehow, keep a clear head, and find his/her way out of the maelstrom. My children, thank 'God'/the universe, or even just good common sense, were equally able to keep themselves free from all my beliefs when I was caught up in a cult. This was long before I qualified in my profession, but I so give thanks for it.
My warm thoughts and wishes to you for your continuing recovery.
I am just new to EMF and have only realized over the past week the enormity of how this fraudulent lying thieving witch has impacted my life. I too am on an emotional rollercoaster, and go from grieving to anger in a second (as you can see) when I see her face on a CD cover etc. This morning I felt like a mad woman ... I went on a frenzied cleanout and bundled every book, CD, DVD (including the lying teachers who have also recorded), packs of 'R' cards, VHS tapes and old cassettes, plus all the hard cover notebooks containing every word ever written at events over 15 years into black boxes and sealed them tight. For now they are right at the back corner of a 40ft shipping container with other family junk. I don't want to destroy them just yet as my intuition is telling me I may need evidence, but the bonfire awaits! I felt great doing that.
I too have not told my husband yet, I feel a bit fragile to hear "I told you that!" just yet but I will tell him. I have ordered the book "Take Back Your Life" and have an appointment with a psychologist to help me move through the whirlpool of different emotions that I am experiencing like you. This is HUGE stuff to go through. It is like a death close to you, but with a profound betrayal that cuts deep. I keep telling myself GO GENTLY one step at a time. I am keeping quiet from friends and family at present until I can cope with their reactions. Thank God for this forum! Thank God for the wonderful moderators who allow our conversation - you truly are angels. (Stick that Ram! Angels do exist right here on EMF)
My Red Flags? In the past 12 months I have been sick and tired of watching the drunk JZ/Ramtha pontificate, ramble on about 'the channel' ad nauseum, if not her then we heard the Linda Evans story about 10 times, spit on stage, blow her nose and make fun of people. Yet Ramtha kept saying that he wasn't drunk! It was so obvious. I heard from an Australian friend that JZ/Ram wet herself at the $5000/head dinner in Sydney in December, urinating all over the 'Ram's chair' getting drunk. The advanced retreat in February I streamed and was quite annoyed with the lack of teachings from Ramtha over 10 days. I hadn't done a streaming since. Then a friend lent me a couple of books from his Rosicrucian library and the alarm bells started to ring. They were general things, but I kept seeing JZKnight with red roses on her clothes and cushions and one T-shirt with a big ornate cross with the red rose in the centre (the Rosicrucian symbol) .... It was then that I asked myself does she have a Rosicrucian background? She seems quite obsessed with the Knights Templar speakers and I would dearly love to ask James (her ex) if he ever saw any Rosicrucian materials under the bed.
My big burning question for today is this: Why hasn't any media or TV shows in the USA been leaked any of this in an attempt to bring everything out in the open? Wouldn't they just love to expose a fraud? This is the kind of story that would make some journalist's career isn't it? The more public it becomes then the easier it is for us to convince our friends. Is it because the people who REALLY KNOW THE TRUTH are either still sitting pretty at the ranch or are understandably living in fear?
Go gently, like me. Take one step at a time. Read, write, cry, and pamper yourself whenever possible.
"The truth will set you free"
I hope you are both doing better.
I responded in the "From Virginia" thread.
I had recently taken a trek. A trip. Actually, I hiked the entire Appalachian Trail. I just summited Mt
Katahdin 4 weeks ago today. I hiked the entire thing. And camped. 2184 miles to be exact.
I did it because after 4 years, I still am struggling, just as you two are.
I had not been onto this site in some time due to some earlier conflicts with the then webmasters, which did not
help one iota, as I only had EMF and one former member as outlets. And I met with one of the current webmasters in person before my trip. They granted me access again. But I could not really relate to them. I am not yet on the
"down with jz knight!!" agenda because I am still trying to piece myself together.
And I have not had internet access for 6 months because I was too busy walking and finding water! hahaha!
Until I came home and read your posts, I still felt I was the only one who felt completely mental
as a result from RSE. Some former members seem to just blend right back into life.
That has not been the case for me.
I still get quite agitated with the fact that someone like jz knight can get away with messing up people's minds
and brains and get away with it to the point that one hardly thinks they can get out of bed without going
I really really liked the suggestions by LostinSpace and Kensho about
1) caring for a living being (be it an animal or a person). Being of service seems to bring some semblance of meaning.
2) exercise it VERY important. It can literally change the hormones of fear and paranoia into something useful.
Yoga, Zumba, whatever is your choice should really be a mainstay of recovery.
3) have someone you can talk to who is utterly supportive. Even though they have not walked in your shoes,
it's like therapy.
Anyway, thanks for posting.
It has helped me tremendously.
Deleted all of them from my SKYPE account.
I trashed all my RSE stuff.
I don't watch any TV shows that remind me of RSE; certainly not Ancient Aliens.
Side not: the guy Giorgio Tsoukalos (Ancient Aliens) was on comedian Joe Rogans's podcast ... and Joe Rogan goes on a rant of mocking Ramtha and the BS of "What the Bleep" after Giorgio mentions it in his dialogue.
I have some rse people reconnecting.... they seem to be insecure and procrastinating...
Well, let's have an open ear and door for them.
But many people are tearing themselves apart by sitting on the fence.
I had people contacting me, having an outburst of anger and disappointement about the school just to hurry back shortly after........everything seems to be better than having ones bubble bursted.
I can only imagine what is happening inside their head with all the people, such as myself, other people who were high profile people, or people who were the 'ol foundations of RSE falling away.But many people are tearing themselves apart by sitting on the fence.
My heart goes out to them and hope they reach out.
Those that stay in RSE, bark back at me stating, "How can you leave me alone with these people?" I know they are confused. As we all once were. But many fall into the depths of "other" doomsday prophets on the web. They appear to be addicted to gloom and doom.
Eddie wrote:anytime I get an email from an old RSE friend, I just send them a link to this webpage.
Those that stay in RSE, bark back at me stating, "How can you leave me alone with these people?" I know they are confused. As we all once were. But many fall into the depths of "other" doomsday prophets on the web. They appear to be addicted to gloom and doom.
I think many are prone to cult hopping.
One can't just put a band aid on something when the core issues are not being addressed.
I am very happy to hear that something is finally starting to crack for some of the ol die hards.
The recovery process is a bitch.