Dumbstruck!

[Phoenix]

Maybe I should have used the name "Dumbstruck ".

dumb·struck (dmstrk)
adj.
So shocked or astonished as to be rendered speechless.

I've been reading for days now. Reading, I've had moments of mirth; and moments of profound sorrow for those who died; those who suicided (terrible!); and those who's lives have been destroyed. I've started a notebook, going back in my memory to reconstruct the time line of my entrance and exit to the school.

The last event I was at was about 1989/1990. Hearing all this, I don't have the buffer of the slowly boiling frog. I've been taken straight from the icebox directly into the roiling water! This is so horrific and bastardized from what I experienced and left behind. I find myself during the day in astonishment telling myself this is real stuff I'm reading about. It is surreal! More surreal than believing in a 35,0000 year old warrior ever was! I wake up in the morning thinking am I dreaming?

I don't know where to start. Like I wrote above, I'm dumbfounded. I need to read more. Perhaps add bits and pieces to other's posts as I go along, as I compose the thoughts of my own personal story.

BTW, my name is Jennifer for the few I knew at the school, if they recognize me here, as I write. I wasn't in any 'in' crowds. I spent a lot of time in Olympia with other friends I made. I was initially excited to come to Yelm, to be with other like minded people but when I got here, I didn't feel connected to the land, and sorely missed California. I also discovered that within the teachings was a snobbish clique as in any other group of people, and I felt on the outside and lonely at every event. I also saw a lot of strangeness manifested in people that would ultimately flourish in such a school.

So sad it's come to this. The drama there is only going to escalate to some terrible dramatic end I fear.

[Jingz]

Welcome Phoenix,

We are glad you found this forum, it will do much for you and your eagerness to know the truth. Unlike buxdeluxe college, we speak truth here on this site. I am a newby on this site as well, joining a couple of months ago, although I figured out the illusion years ago.

The people that run this site are to be commended for keeping this forum open for us all to come together in healing. I was an avid reader years before I ever started posting here, and I give the info I learned here the credit for my awakening.

Be proud of yourself for listening to your inner voice when it told you to go back home 20+ years ago, that was your true test, and many here lost a lot learning that lesson!

Curious as to how you found emf, was it off a google search? When and if you are ready to tell your story, this is a great place to do it, many of us find it very therapeutic. If not, no worries, there's no pressure.

Jingz

[Vanilla]

I also discovered that within the teachings was a snobbish clique as in any other group of people

YES! I remember thinking this. It was so terribly hard to get close to "Ramtha". The cliques is what did it and favoring people with degrees from Ivy Leagues..all that didnt sit right. It didnt feel spiritual. I felt very spiritually advanced and I did " the work" whatever I thought that was. And I still was an outsider. I was pushed aside at events while others got to get close.

I couldnt believe you have to pay top top dollar..for close seats to the stage and its a mad dash when you purchase. Then when they have special events, it doesnt matter if you have a seat, its first come first serve, you sit outside tent.

You couldnt be too beautiful though, or too rich, because you definitely got picked on by "Ramtha" and told you are foolish for putting on makeup or looking nice.

[Ockham]

If there really ever were such a thing as, "Ramtha," it certainly must have departed this mortal coil by some time in the 1980s at the latest. What it left now is the potty mouth and bellicose JZ Knight. What takes the stage in the horse barn now is loud and uncouth and not at all similar to the personable Yoda-like personality presented on the 1985 Merv Griffin TV show.

To get into JZ Knight's in-crowd only takes big money, a media or film personality, or to be some sort of trophy for JZ Knight to show off. An example of the latter is Michael Ledwith. Ledwith was thrown out of / resigned from Maynooth college over allegations of sexual misconduct. Ledwith is full of goofball pontification as evidenced on his Hamburger Universe web site. I think if Ledwith had been a normal RSE student without his checkered past in the Catholic Church that Ledwith would have been ridden out of RSE on a rail. JZ Knight makes no secret she has a massive disdain for the Church, so keeping Ledwith around is a way for her to kick sand in the Church's face. ... or at least that's probably what Knight feels in her egoistic delusion. At some point Lediwith too will probably find that he has run his course and gets tossed out like dirty laundry when he threatens to take a little too much lime light away from Ms. Knight.

[RoyGBiv]

welcome, Phoenix.
There's some great books out there about cults and their thought reform methods, and after reading some of them, RSE begins to take on a sickly greenish sort of light.

[Vanilla]

Mihael is like a little celebrity. All these middle aged women host him at their homes giving talks about how the end is not 2012..its 2013! I always thought that that alone conflicted with what the school was saying. But he is Jesus' twin brother in past life according to "ramtha", Jesus had a twin brother, yeah. Jesus also had wild sex. According to the school.

Jennifer- I do know a few Jennys. Some very educated and one a vet. I sorely missed my home too. I really settled for less. I understand. Do not be scared.

[Ockham]

Ick! if only those middle aged women knew what kind of creep they were inviting into their homes for tea and stories...The World Wide Web has a long memory, and it is still pretty easy to find articles from Irish newspapers about the St. Patrick's College of Maynooth scandal. Some of the press cackled that that it was apropos that Ledwith slinked off to the United States to hang out with New Agers. It seems like Ledwith is pretty close the to a one trick pony with his 2012 Mayan doomsday stories and fizzled comet Elenin doomsday story. Ledwith better hope JZ Knight doesn't get bored with keeping him as an anti Catholic trinket, or he'll be looking for a new gig yet again. The end is 2013?... Hmmm, I guess the Maya botched their math sort of like the Christian Apocalypse guy, Harold Camping, did.

There's another comet on the way that has a chance of putting on a good show later this year (2013), but isn't headed anywhere near Earth. I wonder if Ledwith will be going back into scary comet mode?...

[Rooster]

Welcome phoenix,
I would love to hear your story. I do hope you post it. We have been in your shoes, I know that feeling. I am so glad you are here!

Ockham, I would bet any amount of money on that . Every comet has had doom behind it. I so remember haley's comet and the ship following it as well. All the changes ect, ect, ect. Elenin was only a rerun, with more of a elaborate story. I think Ledwith and J.Z sit and make up these stories together. There was suppose to a comet in February passing by. Hence the Mayan date was moved to February at one point. I never heard more on that one. Not sure what happened to it. But did hear some really stupid stories about it last year. Maybe it is the one you are now talking about.

[freemind]

hello;
Yes we have new apocalipsis date by Dr.Micael.Pd.Hd.Fg.etc... some arround feb 2nd or April, let see what happen, of course nothing, is amazing that after Macael failed doomsdays people still go to his conferences , last weekend was the first after the 21st, I'm sure is no the last one.

[Tree]

Welcome Phoenix

Quite the analogy from the icebox to the full boil.

I am pretty sure the recovery is the same though.

Please take your time to process things and what you read.
You will want to read and read and read, and then time to take a break.

Feel free to join the EE group as well.

I am glad you are back in California and have a life re-developed there.

[Phoenix]

Hi Vanilla!

Do not be scared.

I'm not scared for me, I fear for the others still there. I dated a man outside the school at that time and he had a dream that I do not want to relate here as it would likely be taken to nefarious hands. I may send it to you in a PM.

Hi Tree!

My reason for joining this is more to help others, than for my own recovery. I was not harmed by the school. I will explain more as I assimilate. And ponder what the heck happened??!! The chaos that is going on now is a shock to anything I would have imagined.

Hi Oakham!

What it left now is the potty mouth and bellicose JZ Knight.

LOL Truly! Crazy! Back when I was there, JZ was hardly a part of it at all. In the last several years I would look up RSE online, see her videos, and find myself deattracted. I didn't feel towards her what I expected she should have grown into. Even several weeks ago - the tone of her voice and content of her words (folkies?) caused me confusion and loathing...it was unsettling. THEN I saw her political video and -wow!- thought what a manipulative tyrannical Being. I knew then something was up. I don't know how it led me to EMF, but here I am.

Hi Jingz!

Going back to California was a surprise. I went to visit my mom on Mothers Day - and just never came back to WA! I always did feel the test was to take what you learn and go out in the world with it. I have a friend I'm thinking is still in the teachings, who occasionally sent me stuff on whatever current threat was imminent, I felt trying to urge me back. She bragged about her time in Yelm. Really? Want a challenge? Want to grow? Try living out here in the world, it takes guts. And I mean by that you trust in your own self and inner wisdom to take you where your spirit will best blossom. My life totally fell apart once I left , in crazy, heartbreaking ways, but it had to in order to put it back together to where I am now. I am amazed by what I have evolved into. No, I can not levitate,or dematerialize,or any number of magical things, but the awareness of who I am, my self value (worth more than any amount of gold,notoriety, or fame ), self awareness, and ability to love and feel and express creatively is astonishing!

I don't know how I found EMF. Maybe the video of JZ drunk led me here. Youtube?


Hi Rooster!

I feel like now I've met people I resonate with. haha! I hope so...But my journey has been very different, and I want to take care with my thoughts. I see others are in a delicate condition. There were factors in my life that kept me from getting to that dangerous level of involvement. Though I was totally, fervently, impassioned by the teachings!

I made sure to give my name and fill in my personal data so that others could read and get a feel for me. When I first came on I had this impression of myself, walking down a long, empty corridor, with closed doors on each side, the only sound the echo of my heels. I could sense behind each of those doors a living, feeling , fearful, doubting soul.

Hello Freemind!

Hi RoyGBiv!

RSE begins to take on a sickly greenish sort of light

Green like a boiling frog?Lol

[tickle]

Try living out here in the world, it takes guts. And I mean by that you trust in your own self and inner wisdom to take you where your spirit will best blossom. My life totally fell apart once I left , in crazy, heartbreaking ways, but it had to in order to put it back together to where I am now. I am amazed by what I have evolved into. No, I can not levitate,or dematerialize,or any number of magical things, but the awareness of who I am, my self value (worth more than any amount of gold,notoriety, or fame ), self awareness, and ability to love and feel and express creatively is astonishing!

Beautifully written. It is the same road I chose when I left the organization. I'm still not there but I am getting closer.

It's interesting how we have come back. It's almost like we're being called back. After a decade gone, I was called back by an email that was circulating. Like you, I am shocked to learn the dirt.

Thank-you for returning to help others.

[Cheryl]

Thank you for heeding the call to come and post. I was there from 92-09 and strattled the change over, but was caught up in it. Hearing your voice reminds me of the first times there before the drinking started. I think it is important that we all come together to voice our collective concern. I for one have started to write and share my opinion to all those I left behind. I realize the crazy stuff that JZ brought in has harmed people and it is time to air that dirty laundry.

It is my opinion that her mind has colored the teachings in a dangerous fashion. It is beautiful what we all were initially drawn to. It is about becoming the greatest you can in LIFE, but R$E's fear tactics, greed focus, and alcohol and drug push leads the participants away from life.

If you were a witness to the arabian horse scam please let us know. Your voice could be vital to the case of Virginia Coverdale's that is in the works right now, as well as be an important document for EMF's site.

It is sad to see the results of 30 years. You have a unique perspective and I too thank you for sharing!

[seriously]

Pheonix wrote:

No, I can not levitate,or dematerialize,or any number of magical things,

Welcome. Don't for a second think anyone who has ever attended RSE Inc can levitate, dematerialize or do anything out of the ordinary. They can't. On this site, I have offered $$$ multiple times for any RSE Inc student to prove me wrong. They think they can stop earthquakes, tidal waves, meteors, etc. Yet, they wouldn't be able to move a business card off of a table. So, you can stop the earth's crust from moving and billions of gallons of water in the ocean but can't move a business card or a paper clip? It's silly what JZ has gotten us to believe over the years. However, if you break it down logically, there is zero substance to it.

[Tree]

thank you for your perspective Phoenix

Try living out here in the world, it takes guts

totally.....

[Phoenix]

Cheryl, No I don't know anything about the Arabian Horse Scam.

I did sell a beautiful Arabian mare "Hope" to go to my first Ramtha Event in San Jose