
dumb·struck (dmstrk)
adj.
So shocked or astonished as to be rendered speechless.
I've been reading for days now. Reading, I've had moments of mirth; and moments of profound sorrow for those who died; those who suicided (terrible!); and those who's lives have been destroyed. I've started a notebook, going back in my memory to reconstruct the time line of my entrance and exit to the school.
The last event I was at was about 1989/1990. Hearing all this, I don't have the buffer of the slowly boiling frog. I've been taken straight from the icebox directly into the roiling water! This is so horrific and bastardized from what I experienced and left behind. I find myself during the day in astonishment telling myself this is real stuff I'm reading about. It is surreal! More surreal than believing in a 35,0000 year old warrior ever was! I wake up in the morning thinking am I dreaming?
I don't know where to start. Like I wrote above, I'm dumbfounded. I need to read more. Perhaps add bits and pieces to other's posts as I go along, as I compose the thoughts of my own personal story.
BTW, my name is Jennifer for the few I knew at the school, if they recognize me here, as I write. I wasn't in any 'in' crowds. I spent a lot of time in Olympia with other friends I made. I was initially excited to come to Yelm, to be with other like minded people but when I got here, I didn't feel connected to the land, and sorely missed California. I also discovered that within the teachings was a snobbish clique as in any other group of people, and I felt on the outside and lonely at every event. I also saw a lot of strangeness manifested in people that would ultimately flourish in such a school.
So sad it's come to this. The drama there is only going to escalate to some terrible dramatic end I fear.