My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

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Sunshine
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:51 am

My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Sunshine » Wed Jan 30, 2013 3:42 am

I just found your site and am blown away. My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old. I moved to yelm with her at age 17. I finally got out on my own accord at age 25 leaving behind my mother, my son (God bless him, he born into the cult) and his father. I went on to struggle for the last 15 years never really knowing wtf happend to me??? I always had a feeling RSE was messed up but until I just found your site... Well, I'm trying to process it all and honestly it brings up so much pain and confusion and discomfort. Things I have been running from all this time. I'm tired of running and ive found no matter where I go, I still cannot escape. I will keep reading and thank you to all the brave people who have made this site available to someone like me. Thank you, thank you.

Cheryl
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 7:10 pm

Re: 'The White Book' Steven Weinberg Speaks Out...

Unread post by Cheryl » Wed Jan 30, 2013 12:40 pm

Wow Sunshine, you had to leave your son behind!!! That is remarkably sad. It shows what a warped reality R$E was creating.

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: 'The White Book' Steven Weinberg Speaks Out...

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Wed Jan 30, 2013 4:19 pm

hang in there, sunshine. Be kind to yourself as you go along.

Sunshine
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:51 am

Re: 'The White Book' Steven Weinberg Speaks Out...

Unread post by Sunshine » Wed Jan 30, 2013 5:08 pm

Thank you Roy. I am just learning how to use this site. I have seen forums before but have never participated in one until now. Frankly, I am consumed by it at the moment! Would you be able to tell me how I can keep track of my posts and more importantly responses to them? I would never have seen your much needed support had I not traveled back to this topic... I was up late last night (I am in California) and have been on since I opened my eyes early this morning. I cannot remember everywhere I've been and I want so much to read anything anyone has to say to me. Thank you again, I know you must know what I'm going through with all of this. I have had all this bottled up inside me for all of my adult life, I am 40 now. I was introduced to R$E ( I love the way I've seen this typed) when I was 14. Forgive me that my posts are probably jumbled and a little all over the place, I am attempting to process 26 years of utter confusion in the last 48 hours. I will keep in mind to be kind to myself as I have been brutal to me for so many years now it was so heart warming to read that. Interestingly, I have recently been told that same piece of advice from several other people in my life who have no affiliation with R$E and then to come on here and hear it again was confirming in a way I guess.. Ha! I "guess" has been a long running theme in my life as I trust almost no one and have even had some fleeting moments of distrust at the idea of this site.. but believe me when I tell you this has been the most free I have ever felt, reading every ones posts. Thank you again.

Cheryl
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 7:10 pm

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Cheryl » Wed Jan 30, 2013 10:28 pm

Sunshine, when you log in, you will see on the right side upper, a place that says view your posts.

Sunshine
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:51 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Sunshine » Thu Jan 31, 2013 5:59 am

Thank you Cheryl, that helped tremendously! haha....

Rooster
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:30 pm

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Rooster » Fri Feb 01, 2013 6:00 am

Hi Sunshine,
I decided to respond on your post, from your post under threat to pavel.
Ever feel you were being chased by a rooster? Lol, I would welcome you and you would just run off from one post to another....Lol!

I am happy you did escape from rse. I am happy your mother had sense enough to at least not continue in the school. Yet she is still pulled into its web. I know how hard it is to have a relationship to those still in the school. I love my parents very much and still talk to them oftem. I see them as much as I can. They know how I feel about "Ramtha" and I am very short when they turn to rse babble. It can be very trying at times.

I am sorry for son. It sounds you do not communicate much. Any mother would be upset about the drinking. I am not at all suprised. You said he is not as dedicated, yet has a role in the school. He may be very confused and trying to figure out his own life. It is hard for those growing up in the school. There are many things that come into play, especially at his age.

I wish you the best in your recovery and well being. Your healing will help others.

Vanilla
Posts: 586
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:51 pm
Location: Rome, Italy

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Vanilla » Fri Feb 01, 2013 8:32 pm

I could never leave my kids. The thought is just beyond me. That is the power this school has. Takes mothers away from their babies, just because the fathers wont allow it. So they just leave.

In this case, your son and father are in the cult and you left them behind to get out. I am so sorry. I am. But you have rights as a mother and most authorities dont want kids in cults. It seems in your favor. But I understand your choices. We all have free will. Do you visit?

The brainwashing is terrible. Your son wont know what reality is. He is taught reality is -what reality isnt. That facts are monkey mind. If he grew up believing this stuff then went and tried to find a job, he would be socially different. Similar to the lost boys of the FLDS. Unless he stays in Yelm.
He may be happy, we make the best of situations..I am not cursing, just feeling sorry. This may be what he chooses.

It seems like teenagers brought up in the school, their future is pipe smoking, wine drinking around fire pit parties and building ugs. From what I have seen. They have Ramtha posters on their walls. Talk to the ram everyday in their heads.

Sunshine
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:51 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Sunshine » Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:13 pm

Ummm. Thanks for the moral support Vanilla :sad:

seriously
Posts: 205
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 7:17 pm

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by seriously » Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:57 pm

Hey Sunshine. Welcome and I'm so sorry your youth and then your family were so adversely affected by RSE. Several people on this site have had similar experiences. Feel free to ask questions. There are no dumb questions only dumb cult leaders. In one way or another, we're all JZ's collateral damage. She got what money and adoration out of us she could before we realized how ridiculous RSE Inc is.

Welcome.

Vanilla
Posts: 586
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:51 pm
Location: Rome, Italy

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Vanilla » Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:05 am

Sunshine I apologize. Things dont always sound the way its intended writing words. I am sorry. I feel for you. I am dealing with my own crap from RSE so negativity comes through alot. Please know its not directed at you. I am not having a good day. I feel all around so sad, I guess I am comparing my life before the school and to after,...and seeing so many others suffer after realizing its all a scam and they fell for it, I fell for it..and friends losing family members...I am just really sad about all of it. Sorry.

What hurts most, is the friends I left behind, who wont talk to me anymore, wont even acknowledge me or anything nice that happens to me. Like I dont exist. When I left RSE.

Jingz
Posts: 86
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:52 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Jingz » Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:16 am

Hey Vaniila, keep your chin up, you're on this side of the deception! Good days and bad days are apart of life, and just by posting on here you probably made someone else's day! Those old friends may come around or they may not, but it's their loss. Understand that their blinders are on so they are unable to identify anything AUTHENTIC! Keep on keepin on, you're moving in the right direction, and I'd love to hear about the great things going on in your life!

Jingz

Ockham
Posts: 790
Joined: Sun Apr 03, 2011 6:15 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Ockham » Sat Feb 02, 2013 12:54 am

Hi Jingz!

Wow! what you said is so much more beautiful than it sounds on the surface! The thought that one can make somebody else's day! How powerful and loving is that! I have always felt that selflessness is a far more noble and powerful energy than the create your day egoism taught at RSE. That is such a great statement, and I only wish that some day I can live up to what it means.

Thank you.

Sunshine
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:51 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Sunshine » Sat Feb 02, 2013 3:03 am

I am sorry too Vanilla....
I can be so overly sensitive about this whole mess! I am really sorry you're having a bad day.. I hope my post did not make it worse. It is really an accomplishment that we all have survived the sticky, convoluted web of R$E! I heard a talk a few months ago that I often refer to in my mind.
It was an old man around 78-79 years old, he came to tell his story, he was a natzi camp survivor. It was a moving, interesting, tragic, yet hopeful and inspiring speech. Afterwords, he sat down on the stage and took questions from the audience. My friend raised her hand and she was called on, she asked this man "how were you able to forgive humanity?" He stood up and walked over to my friend, held her hands and said "it does not help me or anyone else on this planet to live a life of hatred."
I have not got completely past the negativity I have in my heart for JZ/R. But it is my highest hope that i can one day be free from all the mental, spiritual, and emotional bondage of that place.
Mainly, I just wanted to apologize and tell you, you are not alone, I feel your pain. We all will carry on, as we all believe in the better side of humanity. At least I know I do! And something else I also know: There is a GOD and it is not me!

Jingz
Posts: 86
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:52 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Jingz » Sat Feb 02, 2013 6:20 pm

Ockham,

You have made my day on many occasions, I appreciate your research, intelligence and dry wit! If this site is like a warm bath of healing, with every post you make you are adding nice hot water to soothe our souls! Thank you!

Jingz

Ps Looooooved the magic 8ball!

seriously
Posts: 205
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 7:17 pm

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by seriously » Mon Feb 04, 2013 8:12 pm

Maybe I'm way off base here but I think its perfectly OK to not forgive people. There are people that bring beauty, art, music, science to the world. There are people that give of themselves and help others. JZ is not a giver nor does she bring anything positive to the world. She is a user. Many people want to have a deeper and more meaningful understanding of the world and their place in it. People want answers to questions that aren't known. As many charlatans and snake oil salesman before her, she uses people's desires in order to extract money and adoration.

JZ is a horrible, horrible person. I don't forgive her but I see her for what she is. I don't let my extreme dislike of her overwhelm me. If my family wasn't still involved, I would think of her rarely and if I did it would be along the lines of what the F was I thinking and queue the laughter.

JZ is an old woman and she's running pretty hard. So, she won't be around forever. Hopefully, our families won't have to endure this much longer. That's where our love, understanding and learning from EMF will come into play as we try and help them come back to critical thinking and their place in the real world.

Jingz
Posts: 86
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:52 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Jingz » Mon Feb 04, 2013 11:16 pm

Seriously,

I totally understand what you're saying but I heard something from Maya Angelou that made me change my mind about forgiveness, it may or may not resonate with you:

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be different than it is"

Forgiveness does not absolve the wrong doer, it frees you of the chains of hate so that person can no longer have that control over you. Forgiveness is for yourself!

Jingz

Sunshine
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:51 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Sunshine » Tue Feb 05, 2013 8:02 am

Jingz,
I absolutely love that... I've been living off the saying "forgiveness is a gift to yourself" but I like what you've said even better!

Thank you so much for sharing it :-)

Tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Tree » Wed Feb 06, 2013 9:59 pm

....just listening (and reading). Thank you.....

heyV
Posts: 23
Joined: Tue Feb 19, 2013 5:17 am
Location: St Louis, MO.

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by heyV » Wed Feb 20, 2013 3:18 am

Hi Sunshine, I too was blown away by this website and stayed up all night reading it, riveted to the assertions of the posters here. This thing that I so believed was going to be the pinnacle of all that I had suffered and hoped for- I really had NO idea until the diciplines didn't give me any results. I was that convinced of the validity of the "diciplines" (oh hated word!)

I am so so sorry about your child and family members. I am so sorry for your years of confusion, those were not fair to you. How I hope telling you that I am so so sorry brings you some kind of comfort.

You seem very kind and able and smart!

You keep talking on here. I am interested to hear your process, because I am processing too.


Kindly, V

Sunshine
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:51 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Sunshine » Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:35 am

Hello again HeyV and everyone else here.. you are all my people, my tribe. Although I don't personally know most of you.. funny how one can feel so loved, welcomed, understood by people they have never met in person! I have not posted much lately but have just been reading, processing, thinking, feeling, digesting. There is so much to read, so much I relate too, so much I'm learning and finding out. So many things I have wondered about all these years, I have had to be very kind to myself lately which is new behavior for me but I have to say I'm getting the hang of it! This process is very overwhelming, and my circumstances seem strange to me as I should have (my friend always tells me, be careful with the "should haves"... too many and you will be "shoulding" all over yourself) dealt with this years ago, when I left rse. I may have shared this before but my journey took me down the path of addiction and suicide which left me on life support a little over a year ago. For whatever reason I am not only still alive but have all my mental and physical abilities which can only be described as a miracle. That was a recovery process all it's own. And here I sit, a year and some change later, finally dealing with the trauma I ran away from so many years ago. I remember sitting at the ranch for hours and hours and hours and hours and hours.. doing the "disciplines", and I would just sit there and cry, and cry and cry and cry.. for hours I would just cry, hard. I never told anyone this as I was suppose to be doing c&e (yuck). I guess it was my way of dealing with where I was and what I was doing. I was miserable there, but really didn't feel like I had anywhere else to go, I was young and my mother was so devoted, I guess I just felt like I should (there's that word again) be there doing that. I think I believed because she believed. Funny though, she still believes and I stopped believing a long time ago, well, honestly.. when I left I didn't care anymore if it was true or real or whatever. I just couldn't stay anymore, I was dying inside.. interestingly I went on to slowly kill myself (or try, anyhow) in a very real way. I've learned that there is no escaping oneself, the only way, for me, to get past the things I feel have damaged me or hurt me or make me uncomfortable is to go THROUGH them. Hence all the processing. I've also learned that, for me, I don't so much have control over my thoughts and feeling, they simply are my thoughts and feelings.. What I do have control over are my actions, AHHHH. Yes, my actions! And by actions I find I am able to change my feelings and in turn my thoughts. I am, by my own personal nature, my default setting if you will, a pretty depressive person with a lot of negative self talk so when I take positive action in my life, which for me can be a challenge all together, I definitely notice my feelings and thoughts improving. Funny how rse teaches to change the inside first and the outside will follow, but FOR ME, I've found I get much better results if I work it the other way around! Anyways, I just kinda wanted to check in with my favorite place in cyber space, EMF :lol:

And thank you so much HeyV. Your comments do help the healing process exponentially! And you inspired me to do some sharing (positive action).. and thanks for the WEC info, I checked them out and also enjoyed the reading, well, most of it anyway. I find I still get pretty angry inside when I hear people supporting rse, hopefully I will be able to come to terms with them better as I do still have family there.. btw, that, I am finding, is some of the more difficult areas to find peace in. That is where the most of my pain is now, my family members who I want the best for, who I want to have everything good in life and all I see at rse is bad.

seriously
Posts: 205
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 7:17 pm

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by seriously » Thu Feb 21, 2013 4:40 am

Thanks for the post Sunshine. Parents in "the school" have a huge impact on impressionable young people looking to them to point them in the right direction.

Thanks for the post. It hit home. I know Rooster can relate to it. You may want to reach out to her. You've had some common experiences and Rooster has fought through it and built a great life for herself.

Tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Tree » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:00 pm

There are so many twenty something people in the greater Seattle area who have parents who are still in RSE.
I think many do not realize what damage this caused.
Many of them drink like sieves and have not grown past the age of 14 when they were exposed to drinking
copious amounts of wine in RSE.

I am so glad you posted your personal story Sunshine.
It truly can help others get through this shitty process.

Sunshine
Posts: 83
Joined: Mon Jan 28, 2013 6:51 am

Re: My mother joined RSE in 1986 when I was 14 years old.

Unread post by Sunshine » Sat Feb 23, 2013 1:25 am

Hello Tree and Seriously,
I want to say a heartfelt THANK YOU to you guys and to everyone on EMF for being here.. for being compassionate enough to help others, this site has helped me so much. It has added tremendously to my recovery that I had already been working on when I found EMF. I REALLY appreciate your support. You are all a great example of loving, caring, compassionate human beings and I am proud to be a part of this.

With much love and respect,
Sunshine

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