Introduction

For general chit chat on RSE related topics. You are walking through the woods and come upon a group socializing around the campfire. Pull over a log to sit on and join us. Introduce yourself here! Pages 1 & 2
RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:02 am

Hello everyone, I am Roy G Biv. Please, call me Roy.
It has recently come to my attention that I have been successfully duped by a certain cultic belief system, and that it has caused damage to my life and happiness for the last 26 years.

Imagine my surprise.

I am new to this, but have been voraciously reading for a couple of weeks now. Reading on this forum, surfing the Web, reading the Janja Lalich book, and happily Margaret Singer's last book is on my way to me via Amazon... $2.94 USD plus shipping, used. Now that's a bargain, considering what I'm used to paying for "enlightenment". Nudge nudge, wink wink, knowhuddamean? eh?

I have a lot to work through, so please bear with me as I process all this and move forward into a freer life. I look forward to interactions with all of you.

regards,
Roy

Rooster
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:30 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Rooster » Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:27 am

Hello Roy and welcome !
I am so happy you found your way here. You will definetely find your way back to a happier life. You will definetely start saving your money again. I look forward to hearing more from you.

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Fri Nov 02, 2012 4:11 pm

thanks Rooster.
Reading this forum has been very good.
(refreshing to escape the dogma of "nothing is good or bad" for a change) :lol:

EMF good good good. JZR, bad bad bad person.


pause...




OK, no lightning strike. Guess I'll breathe a sigh of relief now.

ex
Posts: 857
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 9:18 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by ex » Fri Nov 02, 2012 4:37 pm

good luck to you roy. no lightning doesen't strike. ramtha does not even show when you call his name 3 times into the wind. he shows up only on stage when he get his fees paid and the doors are closed.
you have to sign of your normal constitutional rights and be a nice follower to see him. ..just kidding you will do fine.

seriously
Posts: 205
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 7:17 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by seriously » Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:08 pm

Welcome. Best of luck on your journey back to sanity and logical thinking. You're going to go through a range of emotions. Sorry you were in for that long. In time, you won't be afraid anymore. You won't have to fear evil orbs, aliens, dark planets, tidal waves, the government or any of the other crazy doomsday theories JZ came up with to keep you coming back. Again, sorry. It's going to be a tough road. You'll make new friends outside RSE Inc and if you're estranged from your family, reach out to them. In a short time, you'll be able to have a conversation with them that doesn't have something to do with surviving the end days.

Congratulations and best of luck. If you have ?s or need to vent, EMF is here for you.

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:33 pm

thanks very much, seriously. I sense I have some restructuring to do, ahem. jk
just my whole worldview~!
fortunately, I'm mostly dealing with repercussions from my first go-round in RSE, in the 80's/90's, the way it tainted my coping for years after, and the return to R$E this year that opened my eyes.

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Fri Nov 02, 2012 6:36 pm

oops, double post.
hope I don't get OSTRACIZED ;-)

Paul
Posts: 21
Joined: Sat Oct 13, 2012 1:48 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Paul » Fri Nov 02, 2012 10:12 pm

Hey Roy, great to have you at EMF. Tell your "friends".

preeatenna
Posts: 64
Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:27 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by preeatenna » Fri Nov 02, 2012 11:31 pm

Welcome, Roy. I was in the school for 23 years. Why, we may even have been partners at an event. Turn to your neighbour.... Whoops, is there a copyright on that?

Jingz
Posts: 86
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:52 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Jingz » Sat Nov 03, 2012 3:16 am

Hi Roy, I'm a newby too!
Just wondering, based on the post above, if rambles is the wind, then how does he explain hurricanes and tornadoes? Do these things not fall into his department as lord of the wind? Or is that how he gets his exercise?

preeatenna
Posts: 64
Joined: Thu Apr 26, 2012 10:27 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by preeatenna » Sat Nov 03, 2012 8:09 am

Jingz, Scamtha was trying to wipe out Olympia and Virginia Coverdale, but he lost the coordinates, hopped on the wrong timeline, and landed on the East coast instead.

Jingz
Posts: 86
Joined: Sat Nov 03, 2012 12:52 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Jingz » Sun Nov 04, 2012 1:04 am

Yeah Roy sometimes time softens our views of things, I'm referring to you going back after a long period of time. I think all of us wanted it to be what they were selling. That's why we kept going back. If it had of been, really a school for those who are dedicated to learning and growing, really miraculous, then the ones who uprooted their lives to live en route to bliss, they would have been the smartest and everything they gave up would have been worth it. There is no shame in that! Please people sitting on the fence about what this place is all about, do a little research, more wisdom can be obtained from this site, for FREE, than you will ever get from buxdeluxe college in Yelm!

Tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Tree » Thu Nov 08, 2012 1:35 pm

I remember Roy,
standing outside my little cabin 3 months after things came to an abrupt halt in regards
to my world views which instantly collided between RSE and the outside world.

I was having a nice cup of tea when the wind blew.

My body instantly went into a panic and sheer fear.
I was technically out of RSE, but still defined Rambles as Lord of the Wind.

I sobbed uncontrollably, not knowing what was happening.

I called a friend on the East Coast who was never in RSE. I asked her to explain what the wind was.
It took my brain 20 minutes to grasp the idea of airstream and the trade winds.

Bless those people along my path who show me the way.

Welcome Roy.

Hugs,

Tree

Virginia
Posts: 113
Joined: Sat Mar 03, 2012 5:12 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Virginia » Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:51 am

Welcome Roy. It will not be an all at once experience out. You will find yourself in sudden fear "what if I'm wrong?, What if Ramtha is just testing me?" The mind worm as my good friend Anne calls it will last a long time. Luckily information that you were forbidden to read by Scamtha will set you free. This is a process. I knew enough but it still took me three years to finally accept that this was in fact a massive fraud perpetuated by a sociopath, a talented show person whose act is falling apart due to alcoholism and bitterness. Things get better and better in your life as you process out but there are always rough patches and huge feelings of loss. It does pass and you start to notice there is beauty all around.
Hang in there, much love,
Virginia

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Sun Nov 11, 2012 6:31 am

yes, there has been some of that now that you mention it, the self-questioning and general feeling of ungrounded weirdness.
A history of -shall we say- encounters with the unexpected has taken away fears of death etc but I keep getting this "what do I hang my hat on now?" sort of deal. The sense of mission is gone. I keep going back to the essential self, the one that has gotten me through everything, and there's no sign of a 35k year old anything there... just a tough old dude with common sense and a good heart. This will work out over time. I've reached an age where I can trust myself. But there are feelings of loss and a strange unspecified grieving process, and a finding that goes along with it. My oh my. Live and learn.
I remember back in the day I used to hang with James and Fred, and those were weird fine times. Less fine and way more weird now eh?
Thank you V, keep the faith. You're on a good path IMHO.

Rooster
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:30 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Rooster » Sun Nov 11, 2012 9:20 am

You are a long term student and I am so happy to see you here. Years of crap will creap up, unexpectally. I have experienced it myself. I wish you the best and we are all behind you when stuff comes up!

Kelku
Posts: 77
Joined: Wed Apr 18, 2012 8:40 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Kelku » Mon Nov 12, 2012 3:58 pm

Hi Roy,

so good to have you here.
But there are feelings of loss and a strange unspecified grieving process, and a finding that goes along with it
I soo love what you have written here, it's describes exactly what I felt and sometimes still do.... just in the meantime the 'finding' outweighs the feeling of loss. :-)

Hang in there....

And as for the mind worm: that's a bugger. One feels safe and thinks one left it all behind but it can show up any time.
Last week our cat got run over by a car.... For a short moment the idea popped up that this is Scamtha's retalation for me helping to expose the fraud.
Good thing was that I was able to put that thought aside in an instant as the bs that it is. ;-)

Much love to you on your way, Roy.
“Rather fail with honor than succeed by fraud.”
- Sophocles

Cheryl
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 7:10 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Cheryl » Mon Nov 12, 2012 6:37 pm

Yes I too agree RoyGBiv and Keiku, there is definitely a grieving process that happens when you start this wake up journey! In fact the whole spiral of grieving stages...
Step 1 LOSS - Denial, anger, bargaIning, depression, acceptance
Step 2 RETURN - Grieving yourself and your loss as you look back on your journey
Step 3 BRIDGE - Assessment...what to let go of and what to move forward with...starting to form new self
Step 4 RECONNECTION - Finding balance of new self, new friends, new life. Looking to the future as exciting, not dwelling on the past with unbalanced emotions anymore!

I took this from
http://www.griefcounselors.org/download ... ecture.pdf
To me, it explains well the process we are all on in this process.

California Dreamin'
Posts: 338
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:15 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by California Dreamin' » Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:03 pm

yes, there has been some of that now that you mention it, the self-questioning and general feeling of ungrounded weirdness.
A history of -shall we say- encounters with the unexpected has taken away fears of death etc but I keep getting this "what do I hang my hat on now?" sort of deal. The sense of mission is gone.
Roy, you articulated so well how I would describe myself but never had the words for -- “Ungrounded weirdness.”

After all these years away from RSE I still haven’t found a solid belief system on which to “hang my hat” and I wonder what exactly my purpose is. After all the blah blah blah about "making known the unknown and proudly thinking I am Akmenrah (whatever the hell that is) :roll: ", I now find myself running around in circles from one interest to the next, never mastering any of those activities and interests. Then, I find myself undermining any positive accomplishments that I have been making.

“Ungrounded weirdness” is such an apropos description of the way I feel whenever I’m with “regular” people.

CD

ex
Posts: 857
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 9:18 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by ex » Mon Nov 12, 2012 7:58 pm

hi california dreaming. i think that's the main problem with rse. jzr teaches how dull and ordinary normal human existence is. everything has to be about 3rd seal up. life is managing all the aspects. a tree with no roots or a damaged trunk will not develop well or at all. the teaching that you have to be extraordinary, powerful a creator is very crippling when we realize there was only a false promise. don't we go all in this circles? but our understanding is every time difference. after rse we reconnect with a world we learned is bad limited not good enough for a master. it takes a lot of guts to stand there and accept that we live a 'normal' live.

California Dreamin'
Posts: 338
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:15 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by California Dreamin' » Mon Nov 12, 2012 9:47 pm

Yes, Ex.

Sometimes its disconcerting to sometimes view oneself as a "villager". Fortunately, those moments are short-lived, but I never see them coming.


CD

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Tue Nov 13, 2012 1:32 am

This thread has been such a warm reception, very welcoming.
Thanks to all and especially David and Joe Sz, and thanks everyone for the support.
I finally decided to write my story and put it into the leaving rse...aftermath forum.

California Dreamin'
Posts: 338
Joined: Thu Jun 19, 2008 5:15 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by California Dreamin' » Tue Nov 13, 2012 5:27 pm

Sometimes its disconcerting to sometimes view oneself as a "villager". Fortunately, those moments are short-lived, but I never see them coming.
I just re-read this message that I posted yesterday and I wish to retract it.

There is nothing wrong with being a "villager." I guess at the time of posting my comment I was still brainwashed into thinking that being a villager is somehow derogatory. Sorry. :oops:



CD

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Tue Nov 13, 2012 6:38 pm

This sort of goes to that "what do I hang my hat on" thing, I didn't sense any insulting tone there CD.
Maybe part of the attraction for this cult is the promise that, through our "specialness" we can somehow rise above the ignorant masses and have the life we so arrogantly think we deserve. Even if we're wearing sweats with holes in them and living in a tent on someone else's property. A whole personal identity based on being one of the chosen ones, the seed for future humanity. blech.

I guess it's time to break out the "N" word... narcissism. I delved into a study of narcissism as I was analyzing several pervasive problems in my workplace a couple years ago. It was disturbing but freeing to see that the narcissism was in myself, and that it was fogging my reality goggles.

Maybe your comment was simply that realization rising up in you- it certainly touched my heart.

Cheryl
Posts: 97
Joined: Wed Aug 08, 2012 7:10 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Cheryl » Tue Nov 13, 2012 10:46 pm

Hi Roy,
I appreciate the candidness of your posts. There is freedom with seeing how the wounded child in me was attracted to the promises of narcissistic grandeur. Sooo true and grounding to admit that. thanks for posting the 'N' bomb!

Vanilla
Posts: 586
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:51 pm
Location: Rome, Italy

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Vanilla » Sat Nov 17, 2012 10:38 am

Roy, I have been in recovery for almost a year now. When I think about the whole RSE thing, I can tell you...that it still is a huge trauma for me. I feel so duped. I felt so victimized. What I gave...I never ever gave this much to any institution. in total trust, in total confidence...I never been more hurt in my life. To this day, I am just looking back and I feel, like the video said, I feel spiritually raped. The very best of me was taken. The questions I asked, about the disciplines, I was shrugged at by Mike Wright, who told me I had to ask myself. So even he didnt know what he was teaching. The sound of frogs chorus..reminds me of nighttime dreams of me sleeping all around people, in my little square taped seat. imagining all the orbs flying around, my dead relatives. I went in totally believing. I got naked for the school spiritually. I bought every book, every cd looking for something that I could make sense of, I bought the reservatrol, I believed it. I bought the 200$ capes. I bought the 200$ pillows infinite voyager. I drew photos and colored them in of triangles with colors. I drew photos of the lizard brain. I called ramtha my father. I believed he could hear me when I spoke to him.

I am hurt yes. But just to make it clear. I am not a danger and I do not wish any harm to the school. I am using this recovery board for therapy. I am totally in society and useful and sane. But there is a part of me. I feel very hurt.

I know you called us victims and whiners. Yes true. I am definitely a whiner and victim. I need to just heal. Forgive myself. Look to the future. Stop breaking down when I am alone. For shame.

My whole family.....they will never believe anything I ever say again. Its been big embarrassment. One of the wrong turns I made in life, when I think back I just cringe I am so embarrassed " I fell for it". I did. I fel for it all, like nothing ever before. I had never been scammed before. I believed what I was told.

Thanks Roy, you were a student for 26 years? I am so sorry.

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Sat Nov 17, 2012 4:53 pm

Thank you Vanilla, I have read many of your posts since you joined the forum and admire your strength and insight.
Yes, I did say in another thread that a year ago I would've called us victims and whiners on this board. I hope you don't think I believe that now!
The Victim Excuse is the easy rationalization JZK makes when people are harmed by their participation in the school, because you created the harm right? (wrong). No, we participated wholeheartedly and genuinely and with personal courage, going against the grain of modern life because we believed Ramtha was real and "he" had the answer.
I can tell you why the harm occurred. Because there is no Ramtha, and because JZ is a fraud who by the way, cries victim louder than anyone on this board. Yes, the teachings appealed to and harnessed the best in me, then turned them against me for her financial gain. And what's even more sad, she's using my money to lawyer up and defend her own "victim consciousness" in court.
Sometimes irony is delicious, sometimes it leaves a bitter taste.


Now, I'm experiencing the feelings you're talking about Vanilla, hurt and loss and betrayal and the whole mess. Most of my wrestling is occurring in the psychoemotional and cognitive realms, and insights are coming each one on the heels of the last. Very fast. Very fast. Then I hit a speedbump and find myself having an anxiety attack, floating. Every time, I get back up and remind myself I'm a good person and get on with life again, little steps at a time.

Interestingly, I was able to locate my journal from the period of time when I "flunked" out of RSE, crashed, and a few months later attempted suicide in early '95. At that time I wrote endlessly about how hard I was trying, how focused I was, and how I was losing faith in my ability to manifest after all those years of effort. But I just couldn't take that next logical step; in fact my next journal entries were begging Ramtha to forgive me. Deep down I was just too proud to admit that I had been suckered and had thrown my whole life into a cult based on a ridiculous premise.

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Sat Nov 17, 2012 5:25 pm

BTW, Vanilla, I think people like you and I are the most "dangerous" of all to RSE.

There's nothing in my life that JZK can get a hook into or hurt me with, and a .45 on my hip if anybody decides to get more "intimate" with harassment. So I can't be harmed and I hope nobody tries.

On the other hand, I don't mean any harm. I don't have a personal axe to grind and have no dirt or scandal to expose. I just want my friggin' mind back... and as part of my recovery I have to talk about my experiences.
The current students who come here to read EMF outnumber the registered members who visit the site.
Most of them will likely relate to us, Vanilla, and the more they read the more sure they will become that something is fishy about their beloved school. And for JZK, that is a huge threat.

regards and love to you, we're in this together.

deafashell
Posts: 2
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2013 12:10 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by deafashell » Sun Jan 06, 2013 5:52 am

Hi Roy,
I am very Interested in your story and how to got to this moment of writing and admitting. I am so pleased I have found this site and can say it has saved me from future embarrassment and challenges, without question

I read the comment regarding narcissism and the light bulb went on in my head. Isn't this the Achilles heel for all the people who think RSE can supply the missing key? We suffer some nurtured condition regarding self-worth, I do and I am 'qualified' to PHD level. I am supposed to be immune to this.... At least I know am human and fallible. Whilst I am, why should these people be allowed to abuse me?

In summer 2008, I was in traffic behind a bus, in Ottawa, Canada dreamy, impatient and somewhat frustrated and read an advert that said 25% of Canadians will be affected by mental illnesses. I read it and over the following days the implications just blew me away. I registered the message. One in four person you meet will have a mental illness. I could identify this in my sister, recIognize it in my mother in law, sidestep professional confrontation in my engineering career and I started to realize how effed up surviving everyday life can be....... And there's Ramtha. I would have fallen for it if I had not spent the day reading this site. It is profound. I admire all you wonderful meOmbers whoU know the reality is what it is, it took me time to register your experiences. I am a member on a board forum for borderline personalities and there is so much overlap, why didn't I see it?

Life is a challenge, the challenge.

Let me know how I can support you all.
All I wasted was the beginners event course fees but I am grateful for knowledge of LARSE that made me pause.

Rooster
Posts: 392
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 11:30 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Rooster » Sun Jan 06, 2013 6:24 am

deafashell,
I personally am quite intrigued with what you picked up on body language, observing jzr. I am very happy you did not so far as to get involved with rse. This site is a true god send!

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Mon Jan 07, 2013 4:41 am

I am also interested to see what deafashell has to say about that.

To your question, DaH, how did I get to this moment of writing and admitting? Hmmmm...processing...
:shock: :-x :oops: :neutral: :cry: :eek:

Very big gestalt there, a little bigger than I can get my arms around tonight.

RoyGBiv
Posts: 118
Joined: Fri Oct 19, 2012 11:56 pm

Re: Introduction

Unread post by RoyGBiv » Mon Jan 07, 2013 8:01 pm

OK, DaH, the key word is disillusionment.
my story is posted elsewhere on the forum:
viewtopic.php?f=13&t=1889#p14773

Disillusionment is usually construed as being painful or unpleasant, but the deeper meaning, that of having illusions removed and adjusting to the new truth, is actually a freeing experience. It's only our own fear and dread that makes it otherwise. It's easy to get hung up on the pain.

Disillusionment can be ungrounding and disorienting, but having support from this forum, becoming educated on cult recovery, and having supportive people around helps tremendously.

My operative assumption is that I'm an OK person who bought a ticket, went for a ride, and have gotten off the train now. I have the right to unpack the baggage and move on. Leaving RSE has been a tremendous stimulus for growth and I'm excited to be alive. Best wishes to you on your own journey, hope you stick around on EMF.

Tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Re: Introduction

Unread post by Tree » Tue Jan 08, 2013 7:35 pm

Thank you Roy and Vanilla for your heartfelt writings.
These inspire me.

Post Reply

Return to “Pages 1 & 2 - General Chit Chat & Social Forums”