Return of Compassion

[newshoes]

The news this week has seemed to me to be filled with disaster. The bombing at the Boston Marathon, the explosion of a fertilizer factory in Texas, the drone strikes in Afghanistan, bomb explosions in Bagdad, incredible numbers of dead in Syria and more. You get the picture.

Yet something is different in me since I began healing from jzk/r rse. This week I felt these tragedies without the echo of the teachings telling me that these people had created their reality, and it was a lesson they had agreed to before they reincarnated.

I felt a deep compassion, a longing for our world to be at peace, and a deep sense that we are all in this together. I cried with a heavy heart, and felt better afterwards. This is, for me, a huge breakthrough. Not to be kept at a distance from my humanity.

I wonder how many have absorbed this jzk/r crazy philosophy and think like her disordered personality, imitating Rambles, believing we are thinking like a god? Lots, I believe. Not just the folks who are disordered themselves, who seem to me to be in higher numbers than one would expect in a population in the Yelm area, but others who fall in to the fog of rse. My experience this week has me feeling that the whole philosophy has in it the seeds of sociopathy. I see this in me as thinking that encouraged me to not feel empathy for others' plight, only to cooly observe what they had created for themselves.

This week I felt sadness, heartache for others, and my shared humanity. I am so grateful for this forum, for, as Sunshine posted elsewhere, no one gets me like ex-ramsters. Thanks, you all mean so much to me for your willingness to share your healing process.

Newshoes

[Sunshine]

newshoes,

Your compassion filled week is the most beautiful thing I have had the pleasure of reading all day! Thank you so much for posting your experiences. I just posted on another topic here about having "experiences". I used to hear about all these ummm lets just say "interesting" experiences that people would sort of brag about at r$e and I never had any such experiences. Since leaving there and moving on with my life I've had many such as you expressed and I cherish them. Your compassion has filled my heart this evening, thank you.

[Rooster]

Newshoes,
You have brought up a very impotant point. How the cult effects people. I know when I left and had been heavily influenced, I had a ego problem. It was pointed out, and I knew I needed to work on it. That was just one aspect of healing.
I too feel much compassion for others, since my healing. There are aspects of sociopathy that develop when, your role model is a sociopath. It effects different people on different levels. It is all part of the process. Learning not to control every thing, learning to let go and give others a chance to touch your life . The whole healing thing is a very big processs. It just takes time.

[Sunshine]

Oh yes.. The ego problem! Me, me, me.. enough about me, what do you think about me? LOL. I have come to the conclusion that if we were meant to do life all alone, we should have each been given our own planets to live on, there certainly is enough room in the universe! But we weren't, we are all together here on this one. I do not believe human beings were ever meant to do this life alone. So, given that, I needed to find ways to connect to the people around me, to reach out to them, to help them, to understand them, to show them that I loved them, I cared about them. This has been returned to me in ways I did not even imagine! I have found one simple act of thoughtfulness towards another person is more fulfilling and rewarding than a hundred actions done alone, in isolation being separate from those around me. I love more than anything else those moments of authentic connection with another person. It doesn't happen enough in my life and I work on it daily. It has though improved 1,000% since leaving r$e! And since finding all of you here, I feel it improving more :).

[newshoes]

Thanks for the thoughtful support. Each day is a challenge to me. I keep finding places in my thinking that are are tainted by the jzk/r worldview. I don't trust anyone at the moment. Plus the PTSD responses are getting worse as I discover more triggers. I know that might sound odd, but I was pretty far down the rabbit hole. (26 + years). As I become more aware, the sense of violation and outrage gets more intense.

I am so grateful this site is available. Especially the thought that some people do come out the other side.

Reaching out for help is so tangled, I feel I have to do so much explaining that it isn't worth it to me. At least the outrage I feel at the mind rape is understood here.

Our stories do matter. You have all helped me so much.

New shoes

[joe sz]

newshoes...
wow, 26+ years!
stop now and then on a pretty day, close your eyes and breath. At that moment you are as alive and good as anyone on earth...I hope you can find some humor also---it is good medicine

I have worked with groups from equally abusive cults that had decades in. ONe session I recall had 10 with 32+ years in and their adult children also. Mady Tobias and I ran a workshop for 20 people that en masse defected from an Agni Yoga sect in NYC. The creep guru John Batiste is the same one that Alan Arkin engaged his entire family with. The reason there was a mass defection is that FINALLY a few long time members DARED to share secrets that the guru was having sex with them [never tell anyone, shhhh] many of the women in the cult as well as with their daughters ..."sacred sex" that is. He also managed to con many of them into lavishing him with gifts---you get the picture> here is a tribute to the now dead guru 'bastard'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2cShL2Xky20

[joe sz]

PS: Batiste is the white bearded guy with balding head and glasses walking and bowing to the Indian guru in some of the pics in the video.

Uploaded on Oct 29, 2006
This shows pictures of the Bengali saint Sri Prahlad Chandra Brahmachari (1900-1982) and various people associated with him, including the late John Batiste who was perhaps best known as the onetime guru of Alan Arkin ("Halfway Through the Door").

John died, some say, by suicide during a terrible depression, which is why I used the music by REM about Kurt Cobain's suicide.

[seriously]

newshoes,

Wow, 26 years. I'm sure you know my family. They've been in probably 24. They're a little surprised they're not Christs yet. If they just did disciplines a little bit longer, they'd be able to manifest a piece of lint.

Sorry you were in for so long but congrats on getting out. I know it's a struggle but it will get better. You'll feel loss but you'll gain much more and your gains will be REAL.

Best of luck and keep posting.

[freemysoul]

Great to hear from you Newshoes. This is definitely a process, but a beautiful one that I have come to embrace. My thoughts are with you in this trying time.

ps.
point of order for that youtube poster's info, Curt died in 94, Everybody Hurts was written in 92..........huge Nirvana fan..............had to put that in there