since RSE, questioning everything else as well!

How is life after RSE? What negative effects are you dealing with? How has it affected loved ones? What has helped you towards healing and moving on? Share with others here.
sara
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 4:28 pm
Location: UK

since RSE, questioning everything else as well!

Unread post by sara »

Dear EMF

Just been reading more posts from the old board, and I also "want to go home!" Only 5 years considering myself a student, not current, following the teachings without being current and never going to Yelm - and I still feel I've lost something - don't know who or where I am at times, questioning more deeply than I ever have - but before RSE I used to feel so sure of what I knew as spirit or God - not a set of rules but a knowing, and a sense of being known - and now I'm wondering how much of it all I "made up" or created. Was I just very naive? If I created something real to me from what I experienced through RSE, can I trust anything I've ever experienced? I know from these posts that I'm not alone in feeling this or something similar. I'm going to keep posting on different threads.

I do know that there is something solid inside me, I just need to keep finding it. I know there's nowhere I can fall that's outside of all-that-is, Spirit, or my self - the name doesn't matter. Somehow through all the questioning, I know I'm safe and can find what's real and true for me - it's just hard while this is going on!

Thank you for being there!

Sara
tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Unread post by tree »

and I still feel I've lost something - don't know who or where I am at times, questioning more deeply than I ever have - but before RSE I used to feel so sure of what I knew
wow Sara.
"in the teachings for five years".....
and now being where you are now.
I know, an RSE staff person would say you are experiencing 'doubt'
but in reality,
your critical thinking is coming back. The part that is necessary for survival and reasoning.

Sara is a perfect example of how cult mentality can infiltrate people in the most subtle of ways.
"Hey! Check this tape out!"
"Hey! I just saw this video!"

You keep truckin' Sara.
Keep reading.
Keep blogging.
Keep posting.
Keep true to yourself.
And thank god you do not live in Yelm

AND....
I, for one, would like future updates on ANY interactions with your RSE friend.
I have some severe caveats for interacting with her anytime soon until you are firmly grounded.
Just, don't do it, if you can help it...until much later.
sara
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 4:28 pm
Location: UK

Unread post by sara »

Hi Tree

Thank you for your reply

I don't think I'm going to have any contact with my RSE friend unless I contact her - I felt like calling her recently, since coming across EMF, just to find out if she's still a student. She just got too busy and was spending too much time in Yelm to keep in touch with me or others - or maybe she just didn't want to. But I would still really like to know about your caveats for talking with her at the moment.

Also wanted to reply to one of your posts that yes, I think it speaks volumes that one of your ex's kids still say that you were the best partner/parent...

Sara
sara
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 4:28 pm
Location: UK

Unread post by sara »

...and why do some moments of some of these damn videoclips still touch and move me???
tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Unread post by tree »

...and why do some moments of some of these damn videoclips still touch and move me???
this goes along with the caveats....

do not do or watch anything RSE related. No You Tube.
No RSE.com. no cd's. nothing.
hence my suggestion about your friend.

it will pull you in.
You need to give yourself some space.

I could not watch videos, hear CD's ,
NOTHING
for over a year.
If you lived in Yelm, I would tell you to not even go to the store.

See the note about
how and when you feel grounded about yourself.
Only YOU know.
WAIT until you feel "grounded" to yourself.
ordinarymind
Posts: 51
Joined: Fri May 23, 2008 3:15 am

Unread post by ordinarymind »

sara_1968 wrote:...and why do some moments of some of these damn videoclips still touch and move me???
Hi Sara ?well I think that?s pretty normal ?.for me anyway, the way I understand it is that the teachings touch something inside of us ?that?s how they find their way in ?nothing magical about that . ..I think all of us, or most of us anyway, who found our way to RSE, resonated with the promise of the teachings and the pathway to god ?who wouldn?t resonate with that, I wonder ?although not everyone gets ?hooked? by RSE or other cults for sure . .. but anyway, I did, I got hooked by the promise of the teachings and the possibility of becoming god/man, god/woman fully realized IN THIS LIFETIME, by god ?.and jzr preys on that.

I think Tree is right on ?don?t watch any of that stuff for awhile ?in my experience anyway, it takes time for critical thinking to return, and in the meantime, there is an emptiness ?a longing that wants to be filled ?.and so, like any addiction, there is a strong pull to re-engage . .. to listen again to the tapes ?to watch a DVD ?.to find meaning again and get re-inspired ?my god, if I could count the number of times I kept going back to RSE to get re-inspired ?.why on earth I didn?t just stop myself when I realized that I believed I couldn?t re-inspire myself, but felt I needed to make the trek to the ranch .. to see the Ram ..to get re-inspired, god knows ?.but I was so sure I needed another hit of the Ram to get myself ?back on track? ?..

After leaving the school, I have to say, the last thing I wanted was to see Ram again ..or see the damn school ?but I still did want to get re-inspired .. .and how the hell could I look within for that when for all those years I was so skilfully conditioned not to look within, but to look to Yelm, to Ram, to the name field, the Tank, to C&E to get me there ?.only now do I see those disciplines for what they are ?crutches ?worse than crutches . ..blinders ?.blinders that condition you to being in the dark and make you controllable ?.but don?t help move you toward awareness or self-reliance or love

Well, that?s my rant for tonight ?but yeah, please don?t give in to the lure of those darn videos . ..keep reading EMF ?there?s lots of inspiration in here, in the stories of people just like you who are in various stages of the journey through the dark night.

Be well
OrdinaryMind
Another Dimension60
Posts: 291
Joined: Sun Jun 15, 2008 7:28 pm

Unread post by Another Dimension60 »

In a sense my reply will reflect the fact of the diversity of people who get hooked into Ramtha. I'll repeat again that we each bring our personality and spirituality with us to the Ranch. When I initially left I was one of those who believed that there had been a Ramtha talking through JZ but left - marked by an event called The Gathering of the Eagles. It was actually the 'official' transition to RSE. I listened to the tape a dozen times probably - and finally heard it, finally saw the pattern of abuse. Perhaps key to my ability to do that was my leaving/stopping involvement with jz's world was a dramatic shift in perspective -- so when I listened to the tape I was listening from another dimension sort of -- I listened to other tapes as well - because I wanted to hear it from the perspective of not hookedness. It was very healing for me. It was a cleansing experience for me.
I've also had a very different experience of Yelm. It's too bad that it's been a bad experience for some people. For me Yelm is a town in which a local business owner seeks shelter for a homeless man when the temperature is below freezing; in which a local merchant spends 15 minutes searching for a 69 cent part; in which a local repair person does a small job for free when he could legitimately charge; where the local pharmacist knows your name ? and your spouse?s and children?s, and does his best to get your prescription at the lowest price; in which the diversity of Churches work together to collect food for the hungry, and gather together to celebrate Christmas even on the coldest snowiest night of the year; in which there are people with open hearts and the courage of superheroes willing to speak out against abuse; in which affordable housing is available for people on fixed incomes; in which a Methodist Church can have a Native American Shaman teach a class to a mixture of churched Christians, and Ramsters current and former.
I certainly agree that it's good you didn't uproot your life to move to Yelm or anywhere just because of jz.
It could literally probably take a book to describe all that I learned through my experience with jz and her ram act, there are valued and treasured Gifts that still serve me -- And I am simultaneously still baffled as to how I was so duped; still resistant to acknowledging that I was brainwashed. It sounds to me that you have sense of the Sacred. To be in a place now of questioning can be perceived as one of your Gifts from your experience -- that is, the beginning of knowing/knowledge is letting go of our perspective to enable us to see another. You have an internal gauge which enables you to know what is True (for you) and what isn't, what works for you truly, and what doesn't. Trust that. Bottom line, it's our primary Intention/Ideal/Motivation that is the plumb-line - - It sounds like your 'plumb line is about Love in it's truest sense. ... There is no love at RSE or in judy's world; there is in yours.
sara
Posts: 70
Joined: Sat Dec 13, 2008 4:28 pm
Location: UK

Unread post by sara »

"It could literally probably take a book to describe all that I learned through my experience with jz and her ram act, there are valued and treasured Gifts that still serve me -- And I am simultaneously still baffled as to how I was so duped; still resistant to acknowledging that I was brainwashed. It sounds to me that you have sense of the Sacred. To be in a place now of questioning can be perceived as one of your Gifts from your experience -- that is, the beginning of knowing/knowledge is letting go of our perspective to enable us to see another. You have an internal gauge which enables you to know what is True (for you) and what isn't, what works for you truly, and what doesn't. Trust that. Bottom line, it's our primary Intention/Ideal/Motivation that is the plumb-line - - It sounds like your 'plumb line is about Love in it's truest sense. ... There is no love at RSE or in judy's world; there is in yours."

Thank you, Tree, Ordinary Mind, Another Dimension, for your replies; it's good to keep hearing that others also found things of value at RSE, and to keep hearing the message of trust in one's own ability to guide one's life and to find what is real within oneself... going to be away for a few days in the freezing cold (right now) and beautiful Lake District, but will write more when I'm back - warm wishes for a wonderful New Year, Sara
tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Unread post by tree »

Questioning everything else as well.....

Such an awesome title to this post.
Such a void.
Questioning nearly everything......

.and how the hell could I look within for that when for all those years I was so skilfully conditioned not to look within, but to look to Yelm, to Ram, to the name field, the Tank, to C&E to get me there
skillfully conditioned.
wow. spot on.
Somehow it reminds me of a clip that an exit counselor had said regarding the leader
as well as the group: the leader learns along the way just how far they can push the group.

jz has artfully mastered this conditioning to the point of even having a "teaching" on:
You NEED me to inspire you! Why do you think you come back here? to get that Ramtha high!
And then two sentences later, chastise the entire group for needing this "hit".
It's as if she is saying all along (and yes, there were teachings on this as well)
"some people say this is a cult. It is! SOMEone has to wash your brains!!"

She is telling you right there!!! and then making jokes about it.

great posts OrdinaryMind and AnotherDimension.
cerulean
Posts: 7
Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 4:30 am

Re: since RSE, questioning everything else as well!

Unread post by cerulean »

Sara, I have only invested a short time (2-3 months) into Ramtha's teachings and I feel very much the same way. My confidence in my ability to sense truth has been greatly shaken. Hopefully this will have just been another learning experience on the path to finding truth, and I will come out of it with a greater ability to weigh something as true or not within myself. I know that the more of one's life is given to Ramtha, probably the harder it is to come out with a positive outlook. But I hope for all to be able to do that. I put this quote in my post about my experience.. I think it is very helpful for this situation:

"Deluded or not, we must move ahead following the highest that we know. If we do this with a pure heart, our strength will be as the strength of ten and the fog of our illusions will be lifted; moreover, we will see reality as it is?piece by piece."
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G2G
Posts: 487
Joined: Sun Jan 06, 2008 7:09 am
Location: Planet Earth

Re: since RSE, questioning everything else as well!

Unread post by G2G »

cerulean wrote:Sara, I have only invested a short time (2-3 months) into Ramtha's teachings and I feel very much the same way. My confidence in my ability to sense truth has been greatly shaken. Hopefully this will have just been another learning experience on the path to finding truth, and I will come out of it with a greater ability to weigh something as true or not within myself. I know that the more of one's life is given to Ramtha, probably the harder it is to come out with a positive outlook. But I hope for all to be able to do that. I put this quote in my post about my experience.. I think it is very helpful for this situation:

"Deluded or not, we must move ahead following the highest that we know. If we do this with a pure heart, our strength will be as the strength of ten and the fog of our illusions will be lifted; moreover, we will see reality as it is?piece by piece."
That is a beautiful quote. Thank you for sharing. What I've come to realize is this. We have a lot of questions and we search for answers outside of ourselves. Some RSE students have given up the very things that might provide the very answers they are seeking. Answers are within us all. We don't need to pay anyone. Again, the golden rule, I've found, is the that which I choose to follow. Just love one another. Love is the only true thing. We can't hold it in our hand, but we hold it in our heart and our very essence.

I experienced the same 'letdown' feeling you are now going through. Yet, it's a period of self-growth and learning. Yes, a lot of things 'resonated,' yet they do not belong to JZ. These things have been taken and coined into her own teachings. Read Vera Alder books, for example.

Also, I can't stress the invaluable input of Joe, here on this board. May you find your way back home, to you. ::hug::
"I never really understood religion - it just seemed a good excuse to give" - Ten Years After circa 1972
tree
Posts: 974
Joined: Sun May 18, 2008 12:31 am

Unread post by tree »

welcome cerulean.
and very nice post script.
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