Message to G2G

How to help if you have family or friends in RSE.
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xindy
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Message to G2G

Unread post by xindy »

G2G said:
If my family were to post here in an angry manner over RSE, I can honestly say to them, "why would you bring this into your life, since *I AM OUT* of that place? What have I done to enrage you so that you post in such anger and joshing violence about RSE, which you haven't experienced? What have I done except to try and help you understand why I went, what it was about, and actually laugh about it at times? So why would you then feel such anger toward that which you know not...and I DO know...yet I have left far behind, and you have now moved "within" such? I would ask, are you not perhaps angry over something else, and perhaps vent here?

I would ask, are you not perhaps angry over something else, and perhaps vent here.

I realize you were talking about YOUR FAMILY. I took it to be directed personally toward me. That was a HUGE mistake. You have every right to feel the way you do. I was reading your Post as though this was "coming out of the mouth of MY sister" & I feel I attacked you unjustly. :(

Your question about being angry over something else...

HERE IS MY CONFESSION

Yes, I am on EMF not only b/c MY Sister gave me the link to see what RSE's Teachings were but in reading the Posts of those who endured such torture but were able to ESCAPE, I found a common ground with you. Perhaps that was My Sister's intention all along. :wink:

I have been in an abusive marriage for many yrs. My husband is a Control Freak & an Alcoholic. My Sister knows this so I think she had an ulterior motive (sneaky but wise) to give me the EMF link. Every time I try to leave, I see my husband's good points when he's not drinking & then I have a terrible guilt feeling that I somehow would be "hurting" him if I left him. The abuse is mostly verbal & emotional. Early on it was also physical abuse. ::ashamed to admit this::

There it is, please don't feel sorry for me, don't say I'm sweet. I have Posted Confidential Information relating to my ex-RSE sister & have VIOLATED HER PRIVACY & HER TRUST IN ME. :cry:

I have been reading "Take Back Your Life" & can see the parallels in a CULT as it relates to MY MARRIAGE. Maybe this book & the experiences of ex-Ramsters will give me the courage I need to escape this hell. Marriage Counselors wouldn't help us b/c of my husband's drinking problem! That's one reason why I'm still looking at every Post from the Old Message Board & from the experiences of those Posting currently. I'm seeing first-hand how you dealt with leaving an abusive environment & I feel this is GOOD MEDICINE for me, in my own recovery.

Maybe my need to want to help others was two-fold. If I can help someone, maybe I can also help myself. I also needed "FRIENDS" as I don't have any & you ex-Ramsters filled that void. :idea: My sister & I don't live close to each other, so I don't get to enjoy her company as much as I'd Love to. She's my ONLY Friend & I Miss Her very much. However, I feel like I now have Friends on EMF.

G2G Thank You for bringing this out of me, I don't think I would have been able to do it were not for your question.<3
"I was CULTivated since my birth unintentionally by Parents following Catholicism."
California Dreamin'
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Unread post by California Dreamin' »

Xindy -

I sent you a PM (private message).

CD
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xindy
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Unread post by xindy »

California Dreamin' wrote:Xindy -

I sent you a PM (private message).

CD
I did get one, is there another? If so, I didn't get it.
"I was CULTivated since my birth unintentionally by Parents following Catholicism."
tree
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Unread post by tree »

xindy-
your current and past situation parallels closer to RSE than you think.
I would have never thought Hate groups nor battered women's syndrome were so closely related.
I cannot find the exact link with Nicole Simpson Brown's handwritten letters, but they are somewhere in this site.
I am just surmising that is how you can identify with such empathy.
I hope this helps.
Tree



http://www.rickross.com/reference/books ... _list.html

ps Rick Ross is a noted expert
tree
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Unread post by tree »

Whatchamacallit
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Unread post by Whatchamacallit »

xindy,

good for you.....you are making progress ! gosh, what a small world that you would end up here, making the correlations you are making between your relationship and cult tactics. but, it is similar. i'll share something else, too. i have found a clear pattern of behavior (abusive) between the emotional/mental control tactics used in a place such as rse, and abused/neglected children. it's far too much to detail on here right now, but i'm going to write a summary about it, based on a particular paper that i have.

what's important here is that YOU are seeing things you weren't seeing before, in a new light. that will help you to unplug from the dynamics of the relationship as they were...and, hopefully, make changes that are going to be healthy for you in the long term.

not all people are all good or all bad. that, too, is part of what keeps people hooked in rse, or in an unhealthy relationship. cult/spouse/whatever relationship it is, if it's out-of-balance in a healthy way, the patterns of abuse, however they manifest themselves, create a power balance that is still going to give the same result: tyrant/victim.

i remember watching a show on oprah many years ago, when i was that much younger. women were on a panel as guests, who were in their 50's and 60's. the message that those older women were so adamant about sending to the others in the viewing audience, was to get OUT of a bad relationship. the older women who "stayed" for so many years with the same man, who never changed, and who left them feeling some level of unfulfilled, was starting to breed resentment, hostility, and less-than-a-happy disposition in these women. they wanted MORE in their lives, so they cut their losses and moved on. they were on the panel AFTER their divorces were final, to tell women everywhere, "there is life after divorce from a mismatched partner".

sound familiar ? there IS life after RSE, also.

now, i feel a gut reaction as i am typing this. i do not want to be misunderstood here and promoting divorce. i am NOT doing that (unlike jzr). i think we should only get a divorce when we are certain all attempts to repair a damaged, or unhealthy relationship are failed....and/or, there is abuse !!!!

you are correct, xindy, that the book you're reading does compare the cult experience (the unhealthy relationship dynamic between follower/leader) with ALL/ANY relationship that is unhealthy. not imperfect, but unhealthy. i don't know that any relationship is "perfect"; i doubt that it is.

you might want to do some "homework" online, as there are some excellent, GENUINE psychology websites, specifically, for marriage and family counseling. on such sites, you will find articles that detail the PSYCHOLOGICAL changes that partners go through, who are heading for divorce. whether they actually get one or not, it's a pattern of behavior. the number one gender that FILES for divorce is women. the number one REASON they file, is "emotional neglect".

women have, for generations, complained about how "men don't talk". studies have been done on this. women need/want men to talk to them about everything. it's "bonding" for them. most men don't get it. other WOMEN get it ! women can talk all day and all night ! men prefer to remain in "safe" territory, and not get too deep into emotional chats, whereas women tell each other all sorts of stuff on an emotional level ! we tend to talk about everything !!! well, maybe i am completely wrong, but it just wouldn't surprise me if that is also part of your relationship dynamic with hubby. with help, that can be fixed, if BOTH partners are dedicated to working together to meet one another's needs.

however, drinking and abuse...that's another story.

i have a dear friend here, fairly nearby. she was never in RSE, though she knows that i went. her husband is in jail for drinking/driving/being caught. he's a NICE guy, if you meet him. but, he is SICK with an addiction. if you saw him, he's a good looking man, he had a good paying job, he was a good dad to his four kids, did not beat them, loved them to pieces....but...despite his efforts, and promises, he just cannot stop drinking/driving. he's very addicted. so is his mother. talk about a deeply rooted problem. so now, he's been in jail for almost two years, and my mom-friend was staying home with the kids...no job. she can't pay the bills anymore. she's in danger of losing her home, and she's working full time, about to graduate nursing school, so she can get a life of her own. she is still in love with him, but she knows that it is over. it HAS TO BE OVER, or she will go down with him and it's unfair to the children, who have a RIGHT to a childhood free of the drama/pain he inflicts on them emotionally/mentally, due to his addiction. it's a hard choice for her to make because she also sees the good in him. i understand it, as i can see it, too. he really is a nice guy. but, he's a nice guy who has a serious problem that he can't/won't overcome. if he really loved them, he would TELL HER to leave. set them free from him. co-dependency isn't an easy thing to deal with.

i have a grandfather who burned to death in his own bed at night. he was drunk, and he lit up a cigarette in bed before he went to sleep. end of his story. i mention this because i saw as a young girl, the pain his creepy death caused the family.

at the very least, i hope that YOU will get into marital and family counseling, because there are some fantastic therapists out there, who can help YOU to help YOURSELF. they've seen a lot of women in just your shoes.

keep us posted !!!!!!!!
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xindy
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Unread post by xindy »

Watcha said:
good for you.....you are making progress ! gosh, what a small world that you would end up here, making the correlations you are making between your relationship and cult tactics.
Now that I've made the connection between RSE & my abusive marriage of 40 yrs. (2 good yrs.), I am more confused than ever. I realize when I was venting about JZ I was actually venting about my husband & what I'd like to do to HIM! LOL

I'm confused b/c I feel like I have a multiple personality disorder. xindy is the abused & Optimystic is the one holding onto hope. Maybe I'm going crazy...I don't know who I really am anymore. I feel like I got lost in the Tank & nobody will let me out!

I agree, there is life after divorce. Life after divorce works for women younger than me & in fairly good health & have something to look forward to. This doesn't describe me.

I have severe COPD & continue to smoke (tried to quit but can't). I don't know if I'm subconsciously continuing to smoke b/c I KNOW I'm going to die from it or lung cancer & then all my problems would be resolved. I'd leave this plane & be with my youngest sister, my firstborn & 15 miscarriages. That is what I wish to happen. I'm throwing in the towel. I'm physically sick, I don't have the strength to go through a separation or divorce. I'd have nowhere to go if I left. My parents are too old & not in good health, I destroyed my relationship with a family member & have been cut off from any communication. I HURT this person & pray for forgiveness but I think it's too late. I'm finding it harder & harder to breathe every day & hope the END will come soon. The only thing I can look forward to is being with God, He's my salvation.

I feel like I'm bleeding but can't find the blood. I feel like I'm drowning but can't see the hand reaching out to save me!

I see NO NEED to go through counseling (we did that), I also went through counseling for 6 yrs. for an illness. Found out the problem was MY HUSBAND. Ain't that a kick in the butt!

What has happend is that my husband's drinking problem has changed my view of him...he's no longer my SPOUSE, but he is MY CHILD! A mother doesn't abandon her child & that's twisted thinking on my part, but nonetheless, what I feel. That's why I can't leave b/c I MUST protect him at all costs, even if he freaks out & kills me. I still carry scars of the physical abuse & sometimes when I look at them, I wish I could do something BAD to my husband. I keep my eyes down during my daily bashing & he says, "Don't look at me that way!" If I DO look at him, I get the same response. The following morning after my daily bashing, my husband doesn't recall even one thing he said or did b/c he's sober & a really great guy until he comes home after work & the bar.

I believe I'm beyond help & in all sincerity, can't wait until It's OVER.

Love & Best Wishes for a Lifetime of Happiness to Everyone on EMF.
"I was CULTivated since my birth unintentionally by Parents following Catholicism."
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aussiegirl
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Unread post by aussiegirl »

Xindy, a few days ago I was going to post a simple message to you - "Are you okay?" my feelings weren't wrong and I would imagine that many others reading your posts were concerned for your well being. You have now told us what the problem is. You need help outside this forum to change your situation. If you could see the solution for yourself in the same way you were able to see the solution for your sister's involvement in RSE then you could start to make the changes you need.

It is so easy anyone on the outside to tell you what to do, but you need help to find the strength to do it. Have you been to any support groups at all (I am thinking Al-anon) this may be a first step for you in changing your life.
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xindy
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Unread post by xindy »

aussiegirl wrote:Xindy, a few days ago I was going to post a simple message to you - "Are you okay?" my feelings weren't wrong and I would imagine that many others reading your posts were concerned for your well being. You have now told us what the problem is. You need help outside this forum to change your situation. If you could see the solution for yourself in the same way you were able to see the solution for your sister's involvement in RSE then you could start to make the changes you need.

It is so easy anyone on the outside to tell you what to do, but you need help to find the strength to do it. Have you been to any support groups at all (I am thinking Al-anon) this may be a first step for you in changing your life.
I'm OK. I've been to Al-Anon, psychotherapy for 6 yrs., marriage counselor. Also, aussiegirl, I DIDN'T resolve my sister's involvement in RSE, she did it. I only gave her support when she was grieving. She's strong & totally finished with RSE.

I'm just still in shock that I've been a victim of mind control & I'm still digesting all this information which is like "shock therapy" but I'm not really strong mentally right now so I'll just pray that God takes over for me b/c I'm exhausted.

Thank You for caring. :)
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aussiegirl
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Unread post by aussiegirl »

Xindy, what I meant in regard to your sister's situation is that from the knowledge you gained of RSE through this forum you were very relieved your sister was out, this I imagine would be how your sister would feel if you were to get out of your situation. Again it's easy to judge from the outside, much more difficult when you are in. Best wishes and lots of love from down under.
tree
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Unread post by tree »

I'm just still in shock that I've been a victim of mind control & I'm still digesting all this information which is like "shock therapy" but I'm not really strong mentally right now so I'll just pray that God takes over for me b/c I'm exhausted.
I, too, have experienced this intensely.
"Take me away in a straight jacket!!!" is what first comes to mind.
Rest, make sure you eat very balanced, and take only as much in as you can handle.
When you reach that point, go back to rest and eat well.

It is an overwhelming experience that will not go away over night.

You have witnessed your sister's strength as well as others' here on the forum.
Keep reaching out, express yourself in way that works for you, and get rest.
You CAN get through it.
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xindy
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Unread post by xindy »

Watcha,
I'm so sorry about your grandfather, it was thoughtless of me not to have mentioned that in my reply to your Post.

I didn't plan on Posting again on EMF but I want to let you know why I said I'm throwing in the towel. I can't believe I wrote that! That's NOT me. I've struggled to survive this dysfunctional marriage for 38 yrs. & I sounded like I was having a pity party & threw your advice out the window. After I read my Post, I was digusted with myself for thinking like that. :( OMG the parallels of RSE & my marriage...I just threw the baby out with the bathwater. I was crying out for help & you answered my call, Thank You.

So many things in my life are now appearing to me. "I was blind but now I can see." I've been a victim of mind control from the day I was born! :shock: Being raised as an extremely STRICT Roman Catholic, I obeyed my parent's about 99% of the time. I felt I was being raised to become a nun, that's no lie. When I was 15, I had to beg my Mom to buy me a beginner's bra b/c I was the only girl in my gym class who still wore undershirts. Of course, I had nothing to put in that bra, but it hurt me. When I was 16 yrs. old, I was finally allowed to go to the H.S. football games without my older cousin being my chaperone! I was finally allowed to go to the dances which followed the home football games. My cousin would be with me & she was pretty & got asked to dance a lot. I looked like I was 12 yrs. old, hair in pigtails, no lipstick, no hint of a womanly body. But I danced the fast dances with my cousin. I LOVED TO DANCE!

I was so brainwashed (I only see it NOW) that I let my Mom decide that I should marry my husband b/c he was also a Roman Catholic & Mom said, "If you don't marry him, you probably won't ever get married." What a blow that was to my already bruised ego. (I already felt ugly & had no self-esteem.) He was kind beyond belief & showered me with expensive gifts but I'd NEVER even kissed another guy on the lips before my husband. I was too pure & innocent for the real world. I neglected my OWN feelings & obeyed my Mom & married one month after I turned 20. I was already brainwashed so my husband didn't have to do anything as I was always obedient to my parent's & therefore, I would be obedient to him.

Since I've made the connection between RSE & my marriage, I've also uncovered the horrifying fact that I NEVER truly had control of my feelings. This is just too much to digest & I'm spinning out of control b/c I now KNOW the TRUTH OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. My parents didn't consciously brainwash me, it was the way they were brought up & I was the eldest of 3 girls so I was like the experimental child.

Thank God my second sister was a rebel. :lol: My parents allowed her privileges that weren't given to me. The times were changing & so they gave my sister a longer leash. Good for her, she broke the collar & leash & made HER OWN DECISIONS. In my heart I was so happy she wouldn't have to go through what I did. I admired her spirit even though she put my parents through a lot of agony b/c she didn't tell them where she was going, etc. & my parents would call me at 2 AM telling me my sister wasn't home yet & they were afraid someone hurt her. My husband & I would then hop into the car & go searching for her to appease my parent's fear. I'm describing my ex-Ramster sister. She is my hero, b/c she broke the chain.

Now I'm feeling like I really am two people in one. xindy, the abused (I don't like her) & Optimystic, the part of me still being hopeful & not giving up is who I want to be.

Why can't life be easy? Why can't I be truly happy? My neighbors go for walks together, craft shows, laugh & hug each other. Neither of them frequent bars. They helped me when I was grieving the loss of my youngest sister. I even made a memorial garden for her with a statue of an angel & I surrounded it with beautiful flowers. I'd go out into my yard & just kneel & cry beside that Angel which represented my little sister. My neighbors would sometimes see me & would comfort me by embracing me & telling me how my sister was no longer suffering & she was with Our Creator. These neighbors are Jehovah's Witnesses...they have NEVER tried to convert me or give me literature from Watchtower. I was curious about JWs & found their teachings to be very twisted to what I was taught. These people are in a cult but don't seem to be interested in recruiting me into their belief system. They know I'm Roman Catholic (I'm still a Catholic but don't subscribe to all the rules of being in an organized religion.) I do believe in The God of Creation & I just try to be a good person & I worry about hurting others. I cannot bear to see abuse of any human being or dog (I LOVE MY DOGS).

I wanted you & everyone else watching this Post to know I saw my Dr. & he has me on a strong anti-depressant as a temporary fix so that I can clearly deal with my future without harming myself. I just started the meds & it will take two weeks at least to help me to cope with this TRAUMA.

In the meantime, I will occasionly be checking the Message Forums. I'll try to keep you up-to-date as to my progress.

Thank You Watcha, Tree, aussiegirl & everyone for your encouragement.

Blessings & Love To All
California Dreamin'
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Unread post by California Dreamin' »

Xindy -

You have so much more going for you than you may think. It takes a special person to expose their inner self as you have done. You come across as very giving, caring and authentic. Because I can identify with many of your emotions, when I read your posts I am able to better reflect upon myself, as well.

As for your comment -- " I sounded like I was having a pity party. . . ." -- that wasn't my impression of you at all. I heard the voice of your raw emotions speaking. That takes a lot of guts.

I had great success with anti-depressants, and needed to take them for several months to get me out of the crisis mode.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing.
Whatchamacallit
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Unread post by Whatchamacallit »

xindy !

Good for you ! I'm so glad that you went to the doctor and got the meds. They can really be a big help when properly used. Combined with therapy, the success rate is quite high, you know ! When you're in the midst of depression, sometimes it can really seem like there is no hope, or if you will ~ light at the end of the tunnel. But, there is. You so remind me of the same PHASES that we go through when we leave RSE, and face the error we made in being there for whatever length of time. When one is sincere, it's a very hard pill to swallow. It's also very confusing to try to sort out...to discern...what's legitimate and what's not. All of these things are best handled in yet more phases, over time. Time really is the great healer.

You said, "I do believe in The God of Creation & I just try to be a good person & I worry about hurting others. I cannot bear to see abuse of any human being or dog (I LOVE MY DOGS)."

My comment to you, is to give YOURSELF the love and nuturing that you LEARNED to save only for others. Now it's your job to nurture YOURSELF, because it is inside of you to do that, and take care of what your parents didn't fulfill.

Again, I come back to abused and neglected children. The patterns are SO similar to those in a cult, and having left one. Or, as the book says, in controlling relationships of ALL KINDS. They come in many forms, as you well know !

I am a firm believer in not giving up and that no matter our age, we still still have....well....that cliche that today is the first day of the rest of our lives.

I cannot get the time back (I've said this before...sorry) that I spent at RSE, AWAY from my little kids. That will always pain me. I cannot change the mistakes I made, or the negative impact it had upon any of my family. But, what I can do, is change today and tomorrow. Believe me, we are so making up for lost time !!!!!! THAT (today) is something we can control, and we can make choices for it to be better.

Once those meds are kicking in, I hope you will find a good therapist and GO !!! A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. They can help you sort out your feelings, set some goals for yourself, and give you guidance with any resources that you might need along the way.

ONE DAY AT A TIME. You'll see slow and steady progress...and the sun will start to shine again...the hope will return...and one day you'll be pleasantly surprised when you feel joy returning to LIFE. With whatever tools we are given in this life in our toolbox, or whatever tools we're missing in our toolbox, it's still ours to use to build the best life we possibly can. Go for it.
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xindy
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Unread post by xindy »

xindy said:
Since I've made the connection between RSE & my marriage, I've also uncovered the horrifying fact that I NEVER truly had control of my feelings. This is just too much to digest & I'm spinning out of control b/c I now KNOW the TRUTH OF MY ENTIRE LIFE. My parents didn't consciously brainwash me, it was the way they were brought up & I was the eldest of 3 girls so I was like the experimental child.
What's happening NOW is that I can literally see & I'm reliving EVERY experience of my life where I followed the advice of my parents & others that I respected. I can clearly see, I NEVER expressed what I thought I wanted b/c I was too afraid I wasn't intelligent to do so & didn't want to hurt the ones giving me good advice.

Now, I'm sitting here, unable to sleep, b/c I'm watching a movie of a girl who suppressed all her thoughts & never took action of what she wanted to do with her life b/c she was soooo afraid that she'd make the wrong decision. This movie is long, very long, spanning 60 years & I can't find the STOP button b/c I've seen too much & I'm afraid I'm watching "The Movie of My Life."

Now that I've found the TRUTH about ME or I wonder if there ever was a ME, I feel like I NEVER really existed & have NO identity. I'm my mother. I'm not ME, I'm HER! :roll:

I want to scream that this can't be true, it's a dream, it's a movie about someone else, this NEVER happened. I'm trapped in a Stephen King Novel, "Rose Madder." There's no door, window or ladder where I can escape this place I'm in. It's a dark place but I can't find a light switch. I feel evil surrounding me & telling me to go with the flow, don't fight it. I don't want to go with the flow b/c it's toxic & burns my nostrils.

I HAD such dreams of a future of going to college & being a teacher (a remedial Reading & English Teacher). I saw classmates that were passed along to the next grade even though they were illiterate. I even (in secrecy) made a teaching plan based on phonetics in a "game" form. I had art paper & drew pictures & made flash cards.

I THINK this dream was most likely the REAL ME, if there was one. :lol: This was the identity I wanted to possess. But it was futile b/c my parents couldn't afford to send me to college, in those days there weren't organizations such as PHEAA, etc. So I felt doomed b/c my dream was just a dream & I had to face the reality that I had to bury that dream & find a field in which I could make a living.

I excelled in the Business Courses I took in H.S. & got a wonderful high-paying job. I was a coal miner's daughter & Dad was either laid-off or on strike & I'd turn over my entire paycheck to my parents (which hurt my Dad deeply) & they'd give me bus fare & $.25 to buy coffee & a donut for one of two break times. Yes my Dad was humiliated & my heart broke for him b/c I KNOW he hated to take my money but I had two younger sisters that my Dad had to support so I felt good inside that I could be of help.

So now the $64,000 question...Is it possible to create a new identity at 60 yrs. of age?

Can't wait for the med to kick in so I can stop this "neverending story/movie" & get some sleep like Tree mentioned. But I've lost my appetite & must force myself to eat b/c I KNOW I have to if I want to survive. Thanks for your suggestions Tree!

I'm going to start Posting under my other username Optimystic b/c she's the one with hope & I don't want to be the abused xindy anymore!
"I was CULTivated since my birth unintentionally by Parents following Catholicism."
Another Dimension60
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Unread post by Another Dimension60 »

There came a day in the tank when tubes were introduced. Up to then I?d done ok in the tank, even making it ?to the void? (whatever that means). I?d handled being squished on all parts of me in the crush of other bodies desperately trying to find their way. Ironically, one time Jz/Ramtha yelled: ?there are no blocks? ? - when I could find the place of knowing that, I?d be literally spewed out of a crowd and find myself walking alone down a corridor. The first time with tubes, I couldn?t deal with them . I panicked. I tried desperately to find my way out of the tank ? I was emotionally out of control. I finally found myself outside laying on the ground, desperately trying to catch my breath, and practically suicidal in my despair that if I couldn?t handle the tank and tubes, I?d be an utter failure, have to leave the School, never be all I could be, a spiritual outcast, damned forever, etc. etc etc. It was a living nightmare. I wallowed in that nightmare until I heard myself ? if this is a nightmare, then it?s not true ? a nightmare is just a bad dream. I got up and went back into the tank. I?d start in and back out of tubes. I remember just stopping and sitting on top of a tube ? in spite of the fear that I?d be yelled at from above. It occurred to me that it was my Mother who was claustrophobic ? not me. It was a profound experience. After that I was able to travel through tubes ? I did learn though: don?t go into a tube that smells bad - it?s the smell of fear.
Xindy, You aren?t your Mother, and what feels like a nightmare isn?t real. Thank your God for the Gift of awareness. You?re not the dream ? there?s a You who?s watching the movie. ?. Last night for a few moments I watched an interview with Goldie Hawn ? who made the point that the Lotus Flower grows out of muddy water only ? that it?s through the ?muddy times? of our lives that we grow to be the beautiful flower we are. Wallow in your mud, Sister ? it?s a Gift. Breathe.
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Optimystic
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Unread post by Optimystic »

AD60 said:
Xindy, You aren?t your Mother, and what feels like a nightmare isn?t real. Thank your God for the Gift of awareness. You?re not the dream ? there?s a You who?s watching the movie. ?. Last night for a few moments I watched an interview with Goldie Hawn ? who made the point that the Lotus Flower grows out of muddy water only ? that it?s through the ?muddy times? of our lives that we grow to be the beautiful flower we are. Wallow in your mud, Sister ? it?s a Gift. Breathe.
Is it possible that we're in the SAME DIMENSION? Your just happening to mention about Goldie Hawn & the Lotus Flower is very close to the icon I chose for Optimystic. I chose a Lotus Flower called a Sesen. It is a symbol of the sun, of creation and rebirth. Because at night the flower closes and sinks underwater, at dawn it rises and opens again.

Not the same Lotus Flower that Goldie talked about but nonetheless, a Lotus Flower. I wanted a symbol/icon to show what Optimystic wants to be & I didn't choose the one that rises from muddy waters to blossom, this is really creepy now, I had chosen that one but changed it to the Sesen version b/c I feel I'm being "REBORN" ME & not my MOM. YIKES...I really got goose bumps after I read your Post AFTER I had changed the symbol of the Butterfly to each version of The Lotus Flower.

Thank You & Blessings, Sister.
"I was Blind but NOW I see. I was DEAF but NOW I Hear!"
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Unread post by EMFWebmaster »

So now the $64,000 question...Is it possible to create a new identity at 60 yrs. of age?
Optimystic xindy...


?A rose by any other name would smell as sweet?

In the interest of coherency and integrity on EMF.
It is not advisable to post under different names, especially on the same thread.

Thank you for your understanding.
Those pesky Moderators.
:lol:
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xindy
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Unread post by xindy »

EMFWebmaster wrote:
So now the $64,000 question...Is it possible to create a new identity at 60 yrs. of age?
Optimystic xindy...


?A rose by any other name would smell as sweet?

In the interest of coherency and integrity on EMF.
It is not advisable to post under different names, especially on the same thread.

Thank you for your understanding.
Those pesky Moderators.
:lol:

OOPS! SORRY!
"I was CULTivated since my birth unintentionally by Parents following Catholicism."
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