The EMF team.
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Kensho
I'm hoping that those that read this have not reached a point where the word spiritual is beyond rehabilitation.
After leaving RSE I found myself standing at a mental and spiritual crossroads; at indecision.
I rested at that place for some time and EMF was instrumental in providing some of the information that was needed to help me to both understand and be at peace with some of what happened and happens at RSE. But for me the ability to expend effort contemplating the goings on at RSE has come to an end. Doing that does not move me on any level any more; instead there is just peace in acceptance that it happened and continues to happen.
Shortly after becoming a moderator on EMF I became strongly aware of homesickness for the spiritual life that I once lived. Almost two years have passed since I left RSE and the attachment to my personal experience with it has, for the most part dissipated.
I continue to care about how others may be, or may have been affected by it, but last summer I found that I had left the crossroads and that I was striding up a familiar fork in the road. Now it seems that anything to do with RSE only serves to drive me further along that road and the more I do that, the association I have enjoyed with EMF is fading away also. I do realize that in returning to a familiar spiritual life, that it will never be the same; but if I can pin down an opinion on the matter, I would have to say that I do not want it to be as before. I simply recognize that for me, opportunities to move in many directions lie ahead and not behind, and that just how those opportunities present will be as my perception allows me to see them. When I found myself walking up this road I realized that the profound and pervading sadness that had been sitting in my chest began to dissipate and an enduring happiness was taking its place.
Thus, there was and is no option for me but to continue to keep going straight forward on it; now a little wiser about the dead ends and detour traps like RSE, that may occur along the way. Perhaps I simply need to be going home so that I might set out again in another direction. That is the nature of this road and I have traveled on it for most of my life.
To be sure there are some rocky areas that can be a great challenge to negotiate; just as it can be difficult to recognize what constitutes progress upon it at times.
Still I find a welcoming security in just having my feet on it once again; because along with the rough patches, so too are there amazing areas of complete ease and pleasure.
It is the only road I know well enough to be comfortable traveling upon right now, even though many aspects of it remain greatly unknown to me. Simply put, to remain at the crossroads was no longer an option for me.
For the past year I have been preparing (physically and on other levels) to move into a spiritually oriented hermitage situation. I experienced living a monastic life-style for a five year span in the 80's and most recently lived a hermitage life-style for ten years with my late husband. From 1993-2003 we lived alone, deep in the Canadian forest on a remote, off the grid acreage.
The hermitage that I have been invited to offers some aspects of both previous situations.
Only a few individuals make up the loose community and the location can make it a harsh environment at times; but most importantly it provides company or solitude, when or as each may be desired. It is not a small undertaking to get everything arranged before I move, for I intend to remain there for quite some time; perhaps the rest of my life.
Preparing on a practical level has involved doing things like giving up ownership of most everything; as only the most necessary items can or will go with me. I have pretty much completed that end of preparations as now most of it has either been sold or given away.
What is left is for my power of attorney to take care of as and when they see fit. Business-wise I have downsized my health services corporation and moved my own therapy practice from an office building that I once owned and rented to other medical practitioners, into a small rented office that I have secured a short lease on.
This process also entailed arranging it so that those medical practitioners who worked with me, established themselves in their own private practices. All have succeeded in making alternate arrangements and we are all doing well in our new situations. On a spiritual level, preparations have and continue to involve a great deal of contemplation and meditation.
Over the past year this has become a sanctuary of sorts because in so doing my effort goes into something other than the above. In the process of repeatedly putting my energy into spiritual practice, less and less is spent on the life I have come to live over the past 5 years. Although I certainly do not regret having had this five year life experience (including RSE), the recognition that the time to move from it has come. That is all. Last year when I was half way through transcribing the accounts of Judith's plagiarism with respect to Vera Stanly Alder's book 'From the Mundane to the Magnificent', I found that the motivation to complete it had waned. It got to the point that whenever I sat down to work on it, there was just a sense of futility and an even stronger sense of wasted effort. There are so many other books both by that author and others; just as there are instances that Judith obviously stole ideas from when one looks at the writings, CDs and talks of other spiritual teachers and religions. For this reason, I decided at that time not to proceed with the transcription of Vera Stanley Alder's works as they relate to what is promoted at RSE. It doesn't seem to be possible to cite all the examples of idea and philosophy theft on Judith's part because when one looks beyond RSE, what is promoted there as original material can easily be found elsewhere; most often predating RSE. To cite even the main sources would require an incredible amount of time and effort; certainly more than I have the motivation to dedicate to it, given my current interests and circumstances.
Similarly more and more I am finding it difficult at times to act as a moderator for EMF. Naturally there is more emphasis toward being in an alignment with a particular belief and I know that is coming through in what I write.
I remain comfortable with posting comments simply as a member of EMF, as we all have our own beliefs and opinions on everything; but I have come to the realization that it may be unfair for me to continue to moderate when my beliefs interfere with non-bias moderation. In contemplation of this, I feel that the time has arrived for me to resign as a moderator.
Similarly, as I place more and more emphasis on the life-style I have chosen to move toward, I also see that my participation and association with EMF is coming to an end as well.
I deeply thank all members of EMF for their openness,
their courage to share and the inexpressible compassionate generosity that they have extended to me and to others.
Much love, Kensho
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