Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Caterpillar
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

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Why did the chicken cross the road?


From the Skeptico blog, Feb 2006.

JZ as Ramtha was asked, too.


http://skeptico.blogs.com/skeptico/2006 ... e_chi.html

Copied from above:


James Randi

I have a million dollar prize for the chicken if it can cross a road as it claims. It is now 225 weeks since the chicken agreed to be tested, and so I ask the chicken, when will you fulfill your promise?

(Sound of crickets?)


Loyd Auerbach

If the chicken crossed the road, the skeptics wouldn?t believe it; they would just believe that Randi was simply scammed out of his million. It wouldn't change the prevailing attitudes towards poultrypsychology.


Gary Schwartz PhD

I have proven that chickens cross roads in the afterlife. I don?t need to publish my data: I have a PhD from Harvard.


Victor Zammit

I have a million dollar prize for anyone who can prove to a team of judges I appoint that invisible chickens that cross invisible roads don?t exist.
I?m a lawyer.


Sylvia Browne

Randi ran away from the duck crossing the beach test in Bali, so why should the chicken bother? Quack quack.


James Van Praagh

Just because I can?t prove the chicken crossed the road doesn?t mean it didn?t.


Char Margolis

Do you have somebody who is a ?C??


John Edward

They?re showing me feathers. Wings. A beak. Do you know an eagle?
A hawk?
A turkey?
A sparrow?
A duck?
A bird of some kind?

Caller: I know a chicken

Edward: You know a chicken that crossed? I thought so because they?re showing me a plate of scrambled eggs.

Larry King: Wow! That?s amazing! How does he do it?


Allison Dubois

There are a lot of chickens that just pretend to cross roads. Beware of these fake chickens ? mine really can cross roads.


Jackie Stallone

Send me a close-up photo of the chicken?s ass and a check for $125, and I?ll tell you.


Nostradamus

At the sign of the APAC
Great beasts howl through the night
Two blazing eyes a long time will make war
The Chicken & the Eagle, France the three brothers.


Gregg Braden

?Chicken? in Hebrew is ?Tarnegolet?. Using Gematria - the ancient Hebrew system of numerology ? ?Tarnegolet? converts to 372 = 3+7+2=12 = 1+2=3. Eggs are sold by the dozen. A dozen is 12 = 1+2=3. Could it be that chickens and eggs were created at the same time (which answers the age-old question)? God?s signature is in our DNA which is also 3. So God put it in the DNA of chickens to cross roads.

A baker?s dozen is 13. The next Fibonacci number after 8, the target frequency of the Schumann Resonance, is 13. Can it b
e just coincidence that these two numbers are the same? Surely not.

I?m a scientist.


Bill O?Reilly

There is a war on chickens crossing the road - part of the secular progressive agenda to get chickens and crossing roads out of the public square. Because if you can question why chickens need to cross roads then you can pass secular programs, like legalization of narcotics, euthanasia, abortion at will and compulsory gay marriage for everyone.


Pat Robertson

I?d like to say to the good chickens by the side of the road: if you are crossing the road and a car is about to run you over: don?t turn to God, you just rejected Him. And don?t wonder why He hasn?t helped you when the car hits you: you just voted God out of your lives. But don?t forget, Jesus loves you.


Doreen Virtue

Chickens are really angels with very real messages for us about when to cross roads.


Prince Charles

We farm using the principles of biodynamics, a form of farming in which chickens are treated with homeopathic remedies rather than antibiotics, and the signs of the zodiac determine when to cross roads.


David Icke

It wasn?t a chicken; it was a shape shifting lizard.


Deepak Chopra

The interesting thing about the tsunami was, no chicken died. They were so tuned in to the forces of nature that they crossed the road to the high level mountainous area on the other side where the tidal waves could not reach (quantum mechanics quantum mechanics).


Dr. Jay Gordon

The American Academy of Poultry has a very cozy relationship with the chicken industry. Most speakers in the crossing roads controversy are paid consultants to the chicken industry; this means their conclusions are wrong.


PsiTech

Since the commencement of this project, PSI TECH has worked diligently on the first objective: to find the chicken. It was determined within the first few hours that it was deceased ? it had been run over by a milk truck while crossing the road. The driver of the milk truck was a white male with short cropped hair ? here is a picture of the driver.
?
DID WE SAY DECEASED? Nooooooooooo, we meant it crossed the road safely. It isn?t that remote viewing doesn?t work; we just misinterpreted the data (er, we didn?t see the chicken safe on the other side, but we see it now).


Robert F. Kennedy Junior

In June 2000, a group of top government veterinarians and poultry officials gathered secretly for a secret meeting at an isolated broiler farm in Norcross, Ga. Convened by the Centers for Chicken Disease Control and Prevention (CCDC), the meeting was held at this remote retreat to ensure complete secrecy. All of the scientific data under discussion, CCDC officials repeatedly reminded the participants, was strictly ?secret?.

Did I say ?secret?? Does it sound like a conspiracy yet? According to the following out of context quotes from the transcripts (obtained under the Freedom of Information Act ? aren?t I great?), the officials spent the whole of the two days just conspiring how to cover up the damaging revelations about how salmonella would affect the poultry industry's bottom line. This proves thimerosal causes salmonella.

I?m a lawyer.


Michael Behe

A chicken crossing a road has:
? eyes
? legs
? a road
? the other side

If any one of those irreducibly complex parts is missing the chicken will be unable to cross the road, so if it looks, walks (across roads) and clucks like a chicken, then, absent compelling evidence to the contrary, it's an intelligently designed chicken. Its legs are molecular machines, literally outboard motors. Look at Mount Rushmore? (Continued)


William Dembski

While evolution is able to explain small scale changes within species, it has completely failed to explain the sudden explosion of life forms during the Cambrian Explosion, where the chicken appeared suddenly in the fossil record with no trace of evolutionary ancestors (eggs). Since Darwin?s theory can?t explain precisely how this particular chicken crossed this precise road at this precise spot at this precise time, any life of any kind, anywhere, is evidence of design.


The Dover School Board

The theory of crossing roads is a theory not a fact. Gaps in the theory exist for which there is no evidence. If you wish to investigate the alternative theory of ?intelligent crossing?, you should consult a book called ?Of Chickens and People? in the school library.


Kansas Board of Education

An unknown supernatural entity made the chicken cross the road at an unknown time in an unknown way for an unknown reason. Intelligent crossing is a scientific term.


Hugh Ross

According the 322 parameters and the probabilities for each that I have made up, there is a less than 1 chance in 10282 that a chicken could cross a road without a divine miracle.


Terrell Owens

It was part of God?s plan to give the chicken an even bigger platform during Super Road Crossing Sunday than it otherwise would have had, thus proving God's greatness.


Bill Maher

The vaccine won?t protect you against chicken flu. Louis Pasteur renounced that theory on his deathbed and said that Beauchamp was right: it?s not the mosquito, it?s the terrain; it's not the chicken, it?s the inhumane battery conditions they?re kept in where they don?t get to run around happily in the sunlight, pecking freely at the ground and crossing roads at will.

I?m a board member of PETA.


Greenpeace

The genetically modified chicken crossed the road to contaminate the non-GM chickens on the other side of the road with genetically modified DNA. This has created a ?superchicken? that can cross roads at will without ever being hit by a truck.


Alien abductee

The chicken awoke to find it was paralyzed and surrounded by aliens that teleported it out of its bedroom, over the road to the mother ship where they performed experiments on its eggs.


Susan Clancy

What you have is a chicken that is predisposed to believe it can cross roads. Here's a chicken who reads maps and travel guides. It watches ?Martha Stewart? and other cookery programs. Then one night it has a sleep-paralysis experience. It doesn?t mean it really happened.


Ramtha channeled by JZ Knight

The chicken can create its own crossing roads reality just by thinking about it (quantum mechanics quantum mechanics).


Scientologist

The chicken crossed the road to receive auditing. The auditing will reveal a need yet to cross additional roads for more auditing. The additional auditing will reveal a need to cross even more roads for even more auditing. This will reveal? (continued).


Penny Thornton (astrologer)

We can only make assumptions as to why chickens cross roads. But given that these ancient civilizations saw omens in the flights of birds and sheep?s entrails, why not chickens?


Robert Hand (astrologer)

Although I study chickens for a living, if you wish to get the answer you are going to have to do the research yourself.


Dorian Gieseler Greenbaum (astrologer)

As post modernity impacts on all epistemological levels to link eidos with telos in a hermeneutic perspective, science acknowledges that it is no longer the sole custodian of why chickens cross roads.


Now for some commenters on this blog?

Boney

What?s wrong with asking if the chicken is channeling Ramtha when it crosses the road? Did gravity exist before Newton discovered it?
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