For the most defenseless and innocent in RSE you have a voice here.
This forum is open for discussion and exchange of views.
I am very new to the site and was quite drawn when I found it. Obviously, each person's experience in leaving RSE is unique, and each person is at a different stage of processing that experience. For my part, I have largely moved on. RSE is not something I think about often, and when I do, it does not bring up a great deal of emotion. However, reading the posts of others here on this site made me wonder if I had given my own moving-on enough thought and consideration. Had I moved on too quickly? Had I neglected to process the experience fully, leaving a part of my self hidden in the shadows of memory?
RSE shaped my life from 1988 until 1995. In other words, from the time I was 11, until I was 18. I came to it through my mom, and left when I entered college and learned that the outside world deserved exploration. Seeing everyone's posts and reading their experiences got me thinking, "What is unique about a child's experience at RSE and how do they experience growing up and moving on from RSE?"
I will post more about my own experience another time, but I am most interested in hearing from others who have had a similar experience. How did you come to it? How did you leave it? What was that like for you?
He was subjected to the school from age 1 until he moved out of the house at age 17. He is now 25.
It affected him quite adversely in the drinking dept.
He is a recovering alcoholic. He struggles with this now, as I type.
My son was prone to depression.
And he is a chronic smoker; working on that as well.
He now understands the bond between other children brought up in the cult.
Fortunately, he is endeavoring to move on, like "normal" people his age.
Getting married, getting a job, pursuing a love/passion (running).
As his mother, I have great compassion for him.
No child should be raised in a cult.
While I am grateful that I didn't indoctrinate them as fully as I did myself, I still have tinges of guilt for surrounding them with such dangerous and ridiculous notions. And just as lucky for me, they were both smart enough to see through the sham looooooooong before I did, so when I finally broke free and cleansed myself of the HELL that is rse, they were there with the, "Glad your back Dad"s, and the unconditional love that only children and their parents have for one another.
Only that shadow of a doubt, the same one that allowed me to finally see through JZ's crazy lies, kept me from involving them in rse more than I did, and for that shadow of a doubt, and the forgiveness of unconditional love, today I am grateful.
My influence with rse was as far back as I can remember. My parents were both in the school before it was ever a school.
How did I get out? It was progressive. I always had things in the back of my mind that always just stuck with me. When you are young and told by your parents, you did what they said. Its a bit like believing in the easter bunny and santa clause. They always had a answer to my questions. I doubted and at times was totally emersed in the teachings. I had gone out on my own and at one point in my life decided not to go back to rse. Money was and issue as I also decided my education was important. I met my future husband. He was the one that just helped me to really understand. I really did not even see certain aspects about my self. He started to point them all out. Little by little and sometimes, just put me on the spot. My ego was definately a problem! I started to think! Maybe time away also was a good thing.
It had been about eight years since I even went back to Wa state. Under the influence of my mother. She insisted I get back in and could come to the Christmas event. Everyone was invited! I was missing all kinds of important things. I said yes, after much convincing and thought it would be good to see them. I have to say, it was the worst event I had ever been to. I enjoyed seeing old friends, seeing my family, but I wanted out so bad. I did not even participate in most of the stuff. It was as if someone hit me on the head and said wake-up for real! I saw everything as it really was. I could not believe anyone attended, as how I was talked into it. That was the last time ever.
As far as how it was for me? It was the normal thing for me. I really did not know any thing else. I know I was considered odd by others. Yet, I saw dramatic changes in my family all around. They slowly just deteriorated, brain and all. We had gone from a very reputaple family of wealth to rags. I went ot visit one time and the nice car was gone. Dad always had a crew cut. He had long hair and a truck that every time you turned a corner the door flew open! Beverly hill billies stuff.
One older brother left all together and made his own life. One went with my parents also to leave rse. My father left on his own and my mother found her own place in yelm. Later my parents did get back together but what effected me the most was this split. Jzr had said to say goodbye to your children and they did at the time. My father at one point said just think of me as dead. That was very hard.
It was hard to enter the world as I was not taught many things. This is when I relished the exploration but was very frightened. The only school that was to exist was rse, so education was on my own. I just was not taught the impotance of simple things other people knew. Result of the school was fear, depression ( always the end of the world), alcoholism. Yeah, was cool in the beginning. Get to drink with rampus!
I now just want to do all I can. Travel, be a good mom, love my husband and enjoy life and others.I still have healing. It may take longer than I think. I know kids are said to be resilant. Some things just did not really hit me until I was older. It's just all in there. I still do not trust my mind as it may be rse encoded. I still have fear that just can come out of nowhere. Some things just hit me at certain times, but I am doing well. I am happy I made my escape and hope many others do.