how do I deal with a partner still in the school?
Posted: Tue Nov 17, 2009 8:45 pm
In May of last year I met a wonderful young woman who I shared a wonderful connection with. I had for several years become steadily more in touch with my spiritual self. By spiritual mostly I mean becoming a person more in touch with my humanity, compassion and opening myself to love. I had been reading Rumi?s beautiful poetry of love being the path to the divine for several years. I have begun a love affair with myself after years of family abuse. Love of the self and love of others.
I have always been incredibly skeptical and in many ways ?aggressively? against organised religion... 'The opiate of the masses'.
We discussed visualisation, reality ? in the sense that your perceptions determine your reality, and actively changing your life.
We fell deeply in love and she was/is the most unique person I have ever met. She told me she was a student, and in many ways I understood it to mean a student of life/ did a lot of personal study. She was a little reticent about what exactly the school was but I am/was incredibly accepting and believe that every person?s path is their own and that I would learn more in time.
A few months later she told me that the school was having a beginners retreat and asked if I was interested in attending but that I don?t have to. I decided to do it on a whim, I wanted to know as much about her as I could and this seemed to be an ideal opportunity. I had also just experienced an extremely terrible event in my life, a level of violence which had shattered my faith in humanity and my country. I?m a journalist who covered an orgy of riots in which many people had died.
Her mother is and has been a student for long time, about 15 years I think, and my partner since a teenager. I?d picked up a bit from them but they weren?t exactly forthcoming on the details. They just told me it was going to change my life and I should be excited.
I went to the beginners and it was interesting. In many ways I guess I saw most of the teaching were ?parables? and it tooks a few days for it to become apparent that everyone really believed everything completely. I had some many successes on the field (I have an incredibly good sense of direction ? even when blindfolded that I got nearly all my cards) I seemed to get any extraordinary amount of the remote views etc etc... It was still in the realm of ?reality? for me ? I still believe very much in human potential and that ?ESP? is very much a tool of common sense and it is very possibly a latent human skill. What I did struggle with was doubt. Massive amounts of it. So the last day of the beginners I made a card to put away my doubts. Like I could toss it out on the field and make myself apart of the proceedings. I really liked the students. They were educated, responsible, intelligent people who were on a path of evolution. My doubt I knew was creating a barrier to my experience. I decided to stay for the follow-up.
My girlfriend arrived for the advanced course and I was quite honest that I really didn?t believe the JZ/Ramtha thing. I noticed that the accent slipped and the old english/sub-continent accent grated me... It reminded me of something. I recognise it now as I read on the EMF site as Yul Brunner...
It was so expensive... What a price for enlightenment... But I was in love...
So I spent many days in crisis. Listening to the teachings and evaluating what I heard, aggressively combating my doubt. And I succeeded. My rationale that if I accept that I am the God realized within myself, then why would JZ lie about that. If I accept myself and my potential I would/must accept Ramtha ? that it is merely my preconditioned denial of my own godhood that would prevent that. Now up until that point there is no harm I can/could see in the school. After all knowledge of yourself / enlightenment is an admirable feat... Making known the unknown was after all another aim of my career.
Then came the video. The ?documentary? of the sky?s burning and earth tilting off its axis. And it was going to happen in 3 years time. The other student?s had heard it before, and many were already preparing or were already building their shelters. My partner and her mother had said that they wanted to move out of the city and get a farm and live in nature etc. So now I knew why. I did not know at that stage how much food they had stockpiled in their small apartment. It was all hidden in her mother's room
By this stage I was incredibly freaked out. Everything was ?supported? by ramtha predictions. We were shown charts and newspaper clippings etc. Climate change is a reality and as a conscious person I knew that we would be facing difficult times ahead as resources grew scarcer and global warming accumulated. I had never thought of it was an immediate threat.
Mike glossed over it a bit but made it clear that this was on the cards and students told each other the rest in the breaks. Now I understood why there were so many 2013 cards being made... I deliberately turned off journalist me, because I wanted so much to have an unmediated experience.
The final night was a wine ceremony. By this stage I was believing was I was told and there was a ?televised? Ramtha saying students must get off their asses and start preparing. He had told them for years. The wine ceremony freaked me out even more because ?ramtha? behaved like a know-it-all jerk throwing wine down ?his? throat, swearing and being such a twat but I can?t even recall the specifics cause by that stage I was in such a state of crisis that I think I have blanked much of the night out because of the emotional turmoil I experienced. I just remember spinning on the field after doing 'orbography' like a dervish.
That day after leaving I freaked out, again, and I went to speak to my partners mother who ?counselled? me and I left feeling calmer, I guess. She explained that the school doesn?t usually do things in this way ? the video - but because it was so close to the ?end of days? Ramtha was trying to activate student?s that had not kept up with their disciplines and that if I continued to do my disciplines I would be fine. I could come to their farm, I would be fine, I would survive. Mostly I was distraught because I wanted to tell my friends about this because I could not imagine being/feeling responsible for their not having this information. I felt as though I would be responsible for their deaths. She told me she had felt the same with others of her family but told me how her family, apart from her one daughter, would not accept it. It would also be advisable not to speak to others about it - but by my being frequency specific with ramtha/the school, I would hold the frequency of those I cared about and could save them through that.
In the next week I went through so many stages of trying to fight against the indoctrination and going back and forth I felt as though I had gone through a process of devolution from who I was before the event. I was also in love, and I wanted to accept my new partner unconditionally.
I?ve stayed in the relationship and most of the relationships I had before have fallen away because I stopped seeing my friends because I just didn?t know how to be me anymore. I really am a changed person. I still work and exist as I did before but my health has suffered. I stopped exercising and gained a lot of weight. I?ve been lying to myself for months. Actively and consciously lying to myself. The confusion has gotten the best of me.
I decided that in the near future I would sell my house and use the proceeds to investing in a farm and getting out of dodge with my new family. I began working harder to make more money. Working late into the night. Pushing myself harder and harder but without the belief in my work I had before. My work lost it's appeal apart from the financial imperative for a while.
The relationship has suffered because my gf and her mother moved in with me at the beginning of the year. Her salary is not great and they put the rent up at her place. Her mother doesn?t work and thinks it?s acceptable because she is a student and is working on ?the great work?. To me it seems as though she prefers that someone else support her final incarnation before her light review or until she somehow manages to manifest her fabulous wealth out of thin air. They both fell off their disciplines and for a while ramtha wasn?t mentioned. We were just living, and every now and then the farm business would come up. We went to look for land and for a while I was really excited about it. The idea of having somewhere in nature still appeals to me but not for the 'end of days' reason. Her mother left for a while and then lately came back after she?d outstayed her welcome at her other daughter?s house. It seems a pattern with her.
In the last year I have done a huge amount of reading. And not just of the ?recommended? school list. The school is very clever, and they give you just enough information to hang yourself for years trying to evaluate what the ?truth? is. I'm still open to certain things, and I'm grateful for a reason to engage in something I had never considered before and I'm way more knowledgeable about climate issues and the need to work at reducing our carbon footprint. But I'd rather work at preventing a collapse than sitting in an underground eating bakebeans. I'm even considering avenues of working to a higher level of self-sufficiency because it just makes sense.
I realised a few months ago how deeply depressed I had become and set about changing things for myself. I decided that my reality is not the world in flames and that I would not be working myself to the bone to afford to sell my house and buy a farm and build an underground. I told my gf and asked that she move her school stuff out of our common area.
My gf and her mother have lately come back from an event where Ramtha herself facilitated and they have come back energized. So there?s cards all over the house, candle focus and talk of undergrounds etc. I tried to be understanding but it causes terrible dissonance in me and I have become very unhappy again. I have now asked for space. So mom has left and my gf is staying a friend.
I?ve been lurking on the EMF site for the last week or so. I knew it was out there but as part of my actively shutting off my critical thinking I did no more that the front page before.
I really don?t know what path to take at the moment. Instinctively I know the relationship has become toxic as it stands but I do care for my gf. I know the school is the most important thing in her life, and that she loves me. I know she will chose the school but I just can?t have that fallacy in my life any longer. She?s been in the school her whole adult life and I do not see her leaving. She?s a wonderful caring person who I would never want to hurt but she is completely indoctrinated.
I can never accept this bourgeois enlightenment again. There is a serious lack of compassion in the teachings and it is so self-serving. It?s all I, I, I... When my gf?s mother goes on about how people (incl abused children/victims of crime,etc) are making their own reality I could scream. There is little I have witnessed in students to how they could make a better world and I notice a somewhat arrogant and selfish delight in the possibility that millions/billions of people wiped out wouldn?t be a such bad thing in their eyes. There is also no proof that the disciplines could drop a windfall in your lap, which is 90% of the cards I saw at the event... There is just too little humanity and too much godhood. I also know too many longtime ramsters with too many problems... And that is a ?runner? for me.
Do you ex-ramsters have any advice for me?
and thanks for having this forum, I really want to recommend it to my gf but I'm almost certain it is just not a part of her timeline...
I have always been incredibly skeptical and in many ways ?aggressively? against organised religion... 'The opiate of the masses'.
We discussed visualisation, reality ? in the sense that your perceptions determine your reality, and actively changing your life.
We fell deeply in love and she was/is the most unique person I have ever met. She told me she was a student, and in many ways I understood it to mean a student of life/ did a lot of personal study. She was a little reticent about what exactly the school was but I am/was incredibly accepting and believe that every person?s path is their own and that I would learn more in time.
A few months later she told me that the school was having a beginners retreat and asked if I was interested in attending but that I don?t have to. I decided to do it on a whim, I wanted to know as much about her as I could and this seemed to be an ideal opportunity. I had also just experienced an extremely terrible event in my life, a level of violence which had shattered my faith in humanity and my country. I?m a journalist who covered an orgy of riots in which many people had died.
Her mother is and has been a student for long time, about 15 years I think, and my partner since a teenager. I?d picked up a bit from them but they weren?t exactly forthcoming on the details. They just told me it was going to change my life and I should be excited.
I went to the beginners and it was interesting. In many ways I guess I saw most of the teaching were ?parables? and it tooks a few days for it to become apparent that everyone really believed everything completely. I had some many successes on the field (I have an incredibly good sense of direction ? even when blindfolded that I got nearly all my cards) I seemed to get any extraordinary amount of the remote views etc etc... It was still in the realm of ?reality? for me ? I still believe very much in human potential and that ?ESP? is very much a tool of common sense and it is very possibly a latent human skill. What I did struggle with was doubt. Massive amounts of it. So the last day of the beginners I made a card to put away my doubts. Like I could toss it out on the field and make myself apart of the proceedings. I really liked the students. They were educated, responsible, intelligent people who were on a path of evolution. My doubt I knew was creating a barrier to my experience. I decided to stay for the follow-up.
My girlfriend arrived for the advanced course and I was quite honest that I really didn?t believe the JZ/Ramtha thing. I noticed that the accent slipped and the old english/sub-continent accent grated me... It reminded me of something. I recognise it now as I read on the EMF site as Yul Brunner...
It was so expensive... What a price for enlightenment... But I was in love...
So I spent many days in crisis. Listening to the teachings and evaluating what I heard, aggressively combating my doubt. And I succeeded. My rationale that if I accept that I am the God realized within myself, then why would JZ lie about that. If I accept myself and my potential I would/must accept Ramtha ? that it is merely my preconditioned denial of my own godhood that would prevent that. Now up until that point there is no harm I can/could see in the school. After all knowledge of yourself / enlightenment is an admirable feat... Making known the unknown was after all another aim of my career.
Then came the video. The ?documentary? of the sky?s burning and earth tilting off its axis. And it was going to happen in 3 years time. The other student?s had heard it before, and many were already preparing or were already building their shelters. My partner and her mother had said that they wanted to move out of the city and get a farm and live in nature etc. So now I knew why. I did not know at that stage how much food they had stockpiled in their small apartment. It was all hidden in her mother's room
By this stage I was incredibly freaked out. Everything was ?supported? by ramtha predictions. We were shown charts and newspaper clippings etc. Climate change is a reality and as a conscious person I knew that we would be facing difficult times ahead as resources grew scarcer and global warming accumulated. I had never thought of it was an immediate threat.
Mike glossed over it a bit but made it clear that this was on the cards and students told each other the rest in the breaks. Now I understood why there were so many 2013 cards being made... I deliberately turned off journalist me, because I wanted so much to have an unmediated experience.
The final night was a wine ceremony. By this stage I was believing was I was told and there was a ?televised? Ramtha saying students must get off their asses and start preparing. He had told them for years. The wine ceremony freaked me out even more because ?ramtha? behaved like a know-it-all jerk throwing wine down ?his? throat, swearing and being such a twat but I can?t even recall the specifics cause by that stage I was in such a state of crisis that I think I have blanked much of the night out because of the emotional turmoil I experienced. I just remember spinning on the field after doing 'orbography' like a dervish.
That day after leaving I freaked out, again, and I went to speak to my partners mother who ?counselled? me and I left feeling calmer, I guess. She explained that the school doesn?t usually do things in this way ? the video - but because it was so close to the ?end of days? Ramtha was trying to activate student?s that had not kept up with their disciplines and that if I continued to do my disciplines I would be fine. I could come to their farm, I would be fine, I would survive. Mostly I was distraught because I wanted to tell my friends about this because I could not imagine being/feeling responsible for their not having this information. I felt as though I would be responsible for their deaths. She told me she had felt the same with others of her family but told me how her family, apart from her one daughter, would not accept it. It would also be advisable not to speak to others about it - but by my being frequency specific with ramtha/the school, I would hold the frequency of those I cared about and could save them through that.
In the next week I went through so many stages of trying to fight against the indoctrination and going back and forth I felt as though I had gone through a process of devolution from who I was before the event. I was also in love, and I wanted to accept my new partner unconditionally.
I?ve stayed in the relationship and most of the relationships I had before have fallen away because I stopped seeing my friends because I just didn?t know how to be me anymore. I really am a changed person. I still work and exist as I did before but my health has suffered. I stopped exercising and gained a lot of weight. I?ve been lying to myself for months. Actively and consciously lying to myself. The confusion has gotten the best of me.
I decided that in the near future I would sell my house and use the proceeds to investing in a farm and getting out of dodge with my new family. I began working harder to make more money. Working late into the night. Pushing myself harder and harder but without the belief in my work I had before. My work lost it's appeal apart from the financial imperative for a while.
The relationship has suffered because my gf and her mother moved in with me at the beginning of the year. Her salary is not great and they put the rent up at her place. Her mother doesn?t work and thinks it?s acceptable because she is a student and is working on ?the great work?. To me it seems as though she prefers that someone else support her final incarnation before her light review or until she somehow manages to manifest her fabulous wealth out of thin air. They both fell off their disciplines and for a while ramtha wasn?t mentioned. We were just living, and every now and then the farm business would come up. We went to look for land and for a while I was really excited about it. The idea of having somewhere in nature still appeals to me but not for the 'end of days' reason. Her mother left for a while and then lately came back after she?d outstayed her welcome at her other daughter?s house. It seems a pattern with her.
In the last year I have done a huge amount of reading. And not just of the ?recommended? school list. The school is very clever, and they give you just enough information to hang yourself for years trying to evaluate what the ?truth? is. I'm still open to certain things, and I'm grateful for a reason to engage in something I had never considered before and I'm way more knowledgeable about climate issues and the need to work at reducing our carbon footprint. But I'd rather work at preventing a collapse than sitting in an underground eating bakebeans. I'm even considering avenues of working to a higher level of self-sufficiency because it just makes sense.
I realised a few months ago how deeply depressed I had become and set about changing things for myself. I decided that my reality is not the world in flames and that I would not be working myself to the bone to afford to sell my house and buy a farm and build an underground. I told my gf and asked that she move her school stuff out of our common area.
My gf and her mother have lately come back from an event where Ramtha herself facilitated and they have come back energized. So there?s cards all over the house, candle focus and talk of undergrounds etc. I tried to be understanding but it causes terrible dissonance in me and I have become very unhappy again. I have now asked for space. So mom has left and my gf is staying a friend.
I?ve been lurking on the EMF site for the last week or so. I knew it was out there but as part of my actively shutting off my critical thinking I did no more that the front page before.
I really don?t know what path to take at the moment. Instinctively I know the relationship has become toxic as it stands but I do care for my gf. I know the school is the most important thing in her life, and that she loves me. I know she will chose the school but I just can?t have that fallacy in my life any longer. She?s been in the school her whole adult life and I do not see her leaving. She?s a wonderful caring person who I would never want to hurt but she is completely indoctrinated.
I can never accept this bourgeois enlightenment again. There is a serious lack of compassion in the teachings and it is so self-serving. It?s all I, I, I... When my gf?s mother goes on about how people (incl abused children/victims of crime,etc) are making their own reality I could scream. There is little I have witnessed in students to how they could make a better world and I notice a somewhat arrogant and selfish delight in the possibility that millions/billions of people wiped out wouldn?t be a such bad thing in their eyes. There is also no proof that the disciplines could drop a windfall in your lap, which is 90% of the cards I saw at the event... There is just too little humanity and too much godhood. I also know too many longtime ramsters with too many problems... And that is a ?runner? for me.
Do you ex-ramsters have any advice for me?
and thanks for having this forum, I really want to recommend it to my gf but I'm almost certain it is just not a part of her timeline...