rse, my mother, a broken family and a suicide
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2011 4:09 pm
I only found this site a few days ago and it has been an eye opener for me. My mother has been an RSE follower for more than 20 years now but for some reason I have blocked out the link between her devotion of the school and the destruction of our family including the suicide of my brother.
It is only now that I realise that her selfishness and neglect of her family has been fuelled by the dangerous assertions of RSE.
I have for many years gone along in naivety with her belief that she is doing something important and bigger than any futile and mundane earthly endeavour. My mother dismisses my brothers death, and all other crises in life (there have been plenty), as an issue that has been presented to us to learn and grow from. In effect I am responsible for calling into my life the death of my brother so that I can grow from the experience. On some level this way of thinking is ok but on another level to look past other reasons for my brothers death such as the constant neglect and emotional absence of our mother, is just plain stupid.
I was just 17 (I am now 38) when my mother left the family to go to America to live. She has always been interested in everything spiritual and this meant a few years living in sub standard accommodation on a commune type environment in Perth running weekend retreats called “Inward Adventure”. She was interested in the teachings of Bhagwan Shree Rajnish, Ken Keyes and others and whilst the teachings were relatively innocuous the interpretations that she took from them meant that she was only ever interested in herself and was rarely there physically or emotionally for her 3 children. I guess this character trait made it easy for her to then leave her family (husband, 3 children and grandchildren) to move to Yelm.
Throughout my childhood but mostly coinciding with my mothers attendance at RSE I have been inundated with doomsday stories of the world ending, the earth tilting, gray men controlling the world, aliens controlling our governments, sea levels rising and wiping out most of the population, Japan sinking into the sea, planet Nibiru colliding with Earth and killing us all and more and more…. She has spent a huge amount of money on RSE (I will not have an inheritance), she has invested in failed money making schemes through the school (Omega), she has become distant and unemotional and has in truth destroyed the very fabric of our family.
She is unable to talk on an emotional level. I think she has completely blocked any feelings out. She constantly deprives herself of comfort and lives willingly in squalid conditions. She is completely self obsessed and does not go out of her way to enquire about the wellbeing of anyone…including my newborn son who is just 4 weeks old. She takes no responsibility for her actions or words. It is completely acceptable for her to say anything she wants whether it be insulting or just plain nasty and instead of explaining her words or the reasons for her thoughts she simply blames other people for their reactions to her words. She would previously end her insulting remarks with an old school favourite “So be it” but she hasn’t used that one for a while.
I have struggled for many years in trying to determine whether these character traits were her own or whether she was losing her mind. Reading this site and the many stories within I think she has been influenced by RSE more than I had ever imagined.
I had only recently got to the point where I did not want her in my life at all. However, reading this site I am not sure whether I should keep strong and hold hope that the RSE indoctrination may lose it’s grip on her. Although I doubt it very much….20 plus years with those thoughts and beliefs will be hard to shake I reckon.
What should I do? It has caused much upset to me and my family and I must say that my emotional wellbeing is better when I do not speak to her to hear all of her toxic thoughts and views.
It is only now that I realise that her selfishness and neglect of her family has been fuelled by the dangerous assertions of RSE.
I have for many years gone along in naivety with her belief that she is doing something important and bigger than any futile and mundane earthly endeavour. My mother dismisses my brothers death, and all other crises in life (there have been plenty), as an issue that has been presented to us to learn and grow from. In effect I am responsible for calling into my life the death of my brother so that I can grow from the experience. On some level this way of thinking is ok but on another level to look past other reasons for my brothers death such as the constant neglect and emotional absence of our mother, is just plain stupid.
I was just 17 (I am now 38) when my mother left the family to go to America to live. She has always been interested in everything spiritual and this meant a few years living in sub standard accommodation on a commune type environment in Perth running weekend retreats called “Inward Adventure”. She was interested in the teachings of Bhagwan Shree Rajnish, Ken Keyes and others and whilst the teachings were relatively innocuous the interpretations that she took from them meant that she was only ever interested in herself and was rarely there physically or emotionally for her 3 children. I guess this character trait made it easy for her to then leave her family (husband, 3 children and grandchildren) to move to Yelm.
Throughout my childhood but mostly coinciding with my mothers attendance at RSE I have been inundated with doomsday stories of the world ending, the earth tilting, gray men controlling the world, aliens controlling our governments, sea levels rising and wiping out most of the population, Japan sinking into the sea, planet Nibiru colliding with Earth and killing us all and more and more…. She has spent a huge amount of money on RSE (I will not have an inheritance), she has invested in failed money making schemes through the school (Omega), she has become distant and unemotional and has in truth destroyed the very fabric of our family.
She is unable to talk on an emotional level. I think she has completely blocked any feelings out. She constantly deprives herself of comfort and lives willingly in squalid conditions. She is completely self obsessed and does not go out of her way to enquire about the wellbeing of anyone…including my newborn son who is just 4 weeks old. She takes no responsibility for her actions or words. It is completely acceptable for her to say anything she wants whether it be insulting or just plain nasty and instead of explaining her words or the reasons for her thoughts she simply blames other people for their reactions to her words. She would previously end her insulting remarks with an old school favourite “So be it” but she hasn’t used that one for a while.
I have struggled for many years in trying to determine whether these character traits were her own or whether she was losing her mind. Reading this site and the many stories within I think she has been influenced by RSE more than I had ever imagined.
I had only recently got to the point where I did not want her in my life at all. However, reading this site I am not sure whether I should keep strong and hold hope that the RSE indoctrination may lose it’s grip on her. Although I doubt it very much….20 plus years with those thoughts and beliefs will be hard to shake I reckon.
What should I do? It has caused much upset to me and my family and I must say that my emotional wellbeing is better when I do not speak to her to hear all of her toxic thoughts and views.