The sociopath next door, by Dr. Martha Stout

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The sociopath next door, by Dr. Martha Stout

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Book review by Quinn Blackburn:

The Sociopath Next Door: The Ruthless vs. the Rest of Us by Martha Stout, PhD
Broadway
ISBN: 076791581X
241 Pages

Dr. Martha Stout's "The Sociopath Next Door" should be required reading for All of us! In these 218 pages, Dr. Stout delivers a startlingly vivid and utterly candid look at the astounding 4% of the U.S. population that falls into the category of Sociopath. She is quite right too when she cautions that most people are under the mistaken impression that Sociopaths are all violent criminals. My first images upon contemplating the word "sociopath" were those of some of history's most infamous murderers and dictators.
"But most sociopaths are not mass murderers or serial killers..." Stout writes, "Instead, most are only life-sized, like the rest of us, and can remain unidentified for long periods of time." The ominous Truth is that a shocking average of 1 out of every 25 U.S. citizens is one of "the remorseless". While varied, as sociopaths they are each completely devoid of conscience and can do literally anything to achieve their personal goals, whatever they may be.
"The Sociopath Next Door" has shown me that, like other people with consciences, I have been making excuses for the various sociopaths that have crossed my life's path simply because... sociopathy is just That incomprehensible to us. "To admit that some people literally have no conscience is not technically the same as saying that some human beings are evil, but it is disturbingly close. And good people want very much not to believe in the personification of evil...Sociopaths have no regard whatsoever for the social contract, but they do know how to use it to their advantage. And all in all, I am sure that if the devil existed, he would want us to feel very sorry for him." Dr. Stout says.
"Why?!" We rail, searching for a logical reason when someone has hurt us in some way seemingly at random. He/She tries, is mean, has had a hard life, is misunderstood, is troubled, was abused in childhood, is selfish, vindictive, controlling, miserable, has low self-esteem, is power-hungry, and an endless variety of other rationalizations are conjured by those of us with conscience when speaking of the, more often than not, undetected sociopaths in our midst. In reality, we are trying to grasp a concept so foreign to our own being that it defies reason.
The teacher who publicly ridicules his students, the therapist who undermines the confidence of her patients, the cheating spouse who left you in debt, the cantankerous neighbor who seems to just lay in wait for the chance to cause trouble and the doctor who belittles you and your "so-called" symptoms. Quite likely, all of these are sociopaths that will never commit highly publicized murders or even serve time. Typically, sociopaths are chameleonic, charming, intelligent and attracted to positions of power or authority. They will climb the social ladder as high as their own desire, abilities, and opportunity will allow. All sociopaths have a desire to "win", but their definitions of "winning", their personal goals, can be as vastly different as the symptoms of sociopathy itself.
So, how do we recognize the Remorseless? Merriam Webster's definition of sociopathic isn't much help..."of, relating to, or characterized by asocial or antisocial behavior or exhibiting antisocial personality disorder." is rather vague really. And the definition of "psychopath" (which is the more controversial word for a sociopath)"a mentally ill or unstable person; especially : a person affected with antisocial personality disorder" is not much better. Wikipedia's "a psychiatric diagnosis in theDSM-IV-TR recognizable by the disordered individual's impulsive behavior, disregard for social norms, and indifference to the rights and feelings of others." is much better. Most simply put, a sociopath is any individual who, for whatever reason, is permanently lacking a conscience. "When deciding whom to trust," Dr. Stout advises, "bear in mind that the combination of consistently bad or egregiously inadequate behavior with frequent plays for your pity is as close to a warning mark on a conscienceless person's forehead as you will ever be given."
While still a graduate student, Stout once had the opportunity to interview a confirmed sociopath. "What is important to you in your life?" She asked, "What do you want more than anything else?" "Oh, that's easy." Came the reply, "What I like better than anything else is when people feel sorry for me." "I was astonished, and more than a little put off." Stout's words echoed my own feelings, "I think I would have liked him better if he had said, "staying out of jail" or even "getting money." That's right folks, pity. Appeals to our conscience, direct or indirect, are the number one tool of the remorseless.
Fear not! This book will not only discuss the ins and outs of sociopath, it's possible causes and effects, and teach you how to recognize them, it gives us 13 rules for dealing with the sociopaths we have or will have in our everyday lives as well. Boiled down these are:
1. Accept the bitter truth that there are people with no conscience and that they look just like everyone else.
2. Trust your instincts. If someone seems needlessly cruel, cold, or controlling listen to your intuition!
3.Follow the Rule of Threes... 3 strikes and you're out!
4. Question authority. According to a study discussed in this book, 6 out of 10 of us will blindly obey to the bitter end someone whom we perceive to be a figure of authority in our midst. "I was only following orders" was a disturbing rationalization not too long ago, and the most charismatic sociopaths climb highest in society.
5. Suspect flattery. Sociopaths use others, especially kind people, as their pawns. Beware phrases like, "You're so right!" and "We're so much alike!" as these sorts of attempts to "bond" are also common tools to the sociopath.
6.Do not mistake fear for respect. Especially when dealing with a sociopath in a position of authority, their prescence or the trappings of their position can intimidate or even awe us. These feelings are not the same as respecting an individual or an office.
7. Do not join the game. Do not vote for, marry, give your money, your time, or your sympathy to someone you suspect is a sociopath. Do not respond, maintain contact, attempt to "beat" them or reason with them. Do not make the mistake, as I have, of applying normal rules of courtesy to such individuals. You won't hurt their feelings by being curt as they don't actually experience emotion, and you'll save yourself a lot of trouble by not allowing them access to you. In other words, do not rise to the bait they will, inevitably, dangle before you.
8.Refuse contact and communication. Mental healthcare professionals rarely recommend this recourse. This is the notable exception.
9. Question your tendency to pity too easily. Those of us with conscience suffer from a handicap the remorseless will never know... self-doubt. We must fight our natural urge to forgive and forget in such instances though.
10. Do not attempt to redeem the unredeemable. There is no cure for sociopathy and very little legal recourse for other than gross fracturing of laws. Sad as it may be, difficult as it is to accept... there is nothing positive we can do for or with sociopaths.
11. Never agree, for Any reason to help a sociopath conceal their true character. While it is extremely difficult to detect, it is next to impossible to convince others that a well placed, highly functioning sociopath is, in fact, a sociopath. We may not be able to "out" them, but we certainly don't have to "keep their secrets" or otherwise condone their behavior. Ignoring or keeping such behavior "Just between us" is again, not an option.
12. Defend your psyche. Do not believe that ALL humans are as selfish as the sociopath you have encountered. They may even attempt to convince you that "humanity is just a destructive virus" or "all human beings are basically greedy, self-centered and worthless." 4% of our population may have no conscience, but the other 96% DO.
13. Living well is the best revenge. According to the accumulated evidence, sociopathy is ultimately... a self-destructive condition whether it ends with a whimper or the proverbial bang. It may at times seem a small comfort, but in the end we are better off staying within our own code of ethics, following our blessed conscience, and simply continuing with our lives perhaps a bit wiser.
Being aware and informed makes us "fore-warned and fore-armed", and in most cases we will be able to cut the sociopaths taht we encounter out of our lives. As with most things in life though, these simple rules are easier said than done. It is difficult to not respond in kind when we meet with antagonism or verbal abuse, for example. It is vitually automatic for most people to trust those in authority, and No One questions their own perceptions like a truly good person... the most glaring evidence of possesion of a conscience.
Rule # 1 may actually be the most difficult of all the rules in dealing with a sociopath. Officials can be voted out or dismissed from office. Bosses and co-workers can be endured or a new job found. Even those we believed to be good friends can be cast out of our lives, mourned for the people we believed them to be, and eventually forgotten. But what do we do if the sociopath is our spouse, a family member, beloved of someone close to us, or worst of all... our own child? Accepting Truth can be a bitter pill indeed.
It's not all bad news though. Those of us with a normal sense of conscience will, quite literally, be happier than any sociopath, no matter their position, could ever be. We know love, joy, pride in the accomplishments of our selves and others, and a myriad of other wonderful emotions that make our lives like the colorful masterwork of a great artist. While our societal waters are indeed prowled by cold-blooded predators and our own consciences will act as blood in the water, Dr. Stout reassures us. There are those who will appear unexpectedly, like the clever dolphin, to cheer us on or even lift us above the drowning waves. There are those exceptional few with an Over-developed sense of conscience to set us all a shining example. Those who make it their business to uphold the rights of the weak, feed the hungry, shelter the homeless... the Ghandi's and Mother Theresa's of the world will always inspire people of conscience.
Don't take any of this at my word, however, after all you hardly know me. Read "The Sociopath Next Door", weigh the evidence, research on your own if you like, listen to your instincts and decide for yourself. Who is the sociopath in Your life?

From..

Link..
http://www.helium.com/items/518846-mart ... ath-should

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Amazon.com:
The Sociopath Next Door: Martha Stout: Books
Link..
http://www.amazon.com/Sociopath-Next-Do ... 478&sr=1-1

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Sociopaths

http://cjencyclopedia.com/index.php?title=Sociopaths

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Antisocial personality disorder
Wikipedia link
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antisocial ... y_disorder
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