The EnlightenMeFree (EMF) Online Debate Forum

Tree used this expression in a recent post and it hit home to where I am right now in my recovery so I thought I'd add a new thread for conversation.

It's a new aspect of personal loss I've been feeling. Initially, there's the big loss of Daddy Rambles, of being able to talk to the wind, of being part of a special group with a unique calling to bless the whole world...

Processing all that is good, it's just that now I've been realizing a sense of vulnerability that I didn't have during my RSE years do to that "magically invincible" programming.

As a human being, that's healthy, just a little unnerving while I embrace that aspect of life again.

Makes me think though, that it's this human vulnerability that leads to the development of community. And as noted elsewhere, true community is noticably lacking within the RSE accolytes even though there are so many located in the Yelm area.

Wakeup-Call wrote:Tree used this expression in a recent post and it hit home to where I am right now in my recovery so I thought I'd add a new thread for conversation.

It's a new aspect of personal loss I've been feeling. Initially, there's the big loss of Daddy Rambles, of being able to talk to the wind, of being part of a special group with a unique calling to bless the whole world...

Processing all that is good, it's just that now I've been realizing a sense of vulnerability that I didn't have during my RSE years do to that "magically invincible" programming.

As a human being, that's healthy, just a little unnerving while I embrace that aspect of life again.

Makes me think though, that it's this human vulnerability that leads to the development of community. And as noted elsewhere, true community is noticably lacking within the RSE accolytes even though there are so many located in the Yelm area.

Thanks for naming this WakeUp. I?m experiencing this too, although not quite so strongly now as I was a few months ago when I was struck by the thought of my own mortality ?a thought that had actually been programmed out of me in my years at RSE, where I was so sure I could live for 250 years ?as long as I was sincere, practiced the disciplines, blah blah .. . .and it was very sobering, well shocking, actually, to have to face into the fact of my mortality ?..well, not just my mortality but also the inevitability of old age and declining capacity.

I suspect this stage of the recovery is not a quick process and, like other stages, will come and go in intensity. For now, I seem to be more at peace with my humanity and not as prone to see it as so much ?less? than the prospect of being god/woman fully realized . ?but I think that will come and go . ?I seem to swing between the ?dark days? and the ?sunnier? ones.

In the dark days, I feel scared that I may not always have my good health and energy and I worry about what will become of me in my older years. And in the better days, I am inspired by the thought of just being human . ..and living my life more fully as a human being with other human beings .. the joy of being a villager, I guess I could say.

And so it comes and goes. But one thing I am learning is not to push the dark days away like I think I did while at RSE, as if taking a walk and droning on and on about always being radiant health and vitality or gridding the sky . ..more and more now, those disciplines seem to me to be based on denial . ?.and so, I guess, like everything, there is a need to find balance and to integrate, rather than push away and deny the dark times.

And sorry, to use the terms ?dark? and ?sunnier? ?I?m just not sure how else to put it, but I?m not meaning the dark side or anything like that.

[quote="ordinarymind"]it was very sobering, well shocking, actually, to have to face into the fact of my mortality ?..well, not just my mortality but also the inevitability of old age and declining capacity. [quote]

Yes, that's it exactly. Sobering, then shocking. All the wine drinking with Ramtha was ensuring my health...in which I put on 60 pounds and never considered the health risk of that because the wine was killing cancer, restoring DNA and delivering the program to my cells to live 250 years.

So this year one of my goals is to get back to known healthy habits.

How many times did we hear "death is the failure of living." So even though the teachings include reincarnation in their foundation, it's such a failure in the community mindset to be seriously ill or die. I know had that judgement.

excellent posts!

Sobering, then shocking. All the wine drinking with Ramtha was ensuring my health

so so true.
this year, as well, will be getting back to a healthier life style.

I, too, had to address the issue of mortality, when I had never done so my entire life.
Somewhat hard to do at times when one is vascillating in and out of depression,
or those sunny and dark days.

got this in an email this morning - seems sort of appropriate here:
"Our Spiritual Parents
Joy and sorrow are never separated. When our hearts rejoice at a spectacular view, we may miss our friends who cannot see it, and when we are overwhelmed with grief, we may discover what true friendship is all about. Joy is hidden in sorrow and sorrow in joy. If we try to avoid sorrow at all costs, we may never taste joy, and if we are suspicious of ecstasy, agony can never reach us either. Joy and sorrow are the parents of our spiritual growth." Henri Nouwen